Questions most people are afraid to ask around sex

But really need to for safety, sanity, and pleasure:

• How do you define consent?
• What acts count as sex or romance to you?
• Have you ever raped anyone? (This is incredibly difficult to ask because the assumption is accusation instead of discussion. The point is to get people thinking about how they define and ask for consent, and to open the door to discussing or disclosing past sexual abuse if applicable. A person that can’t even think about this question isn’t going to be emotionally or mentally prepared for all the possibilities, nor responsibilities, of sex. This question also opens the door to discussion of cultural norms that make asking it or considering it so scary and difficult).
• Do you tend to be attracted to or date more than one person at a time?
• Do you regularly get tested for STDs or are you dealing with any?
• Do you have any disabilities? Any that cause pain? Any that cause pain with sex?
• Do you tend to feel shame around sex?
• Why do you want to have sex (ie, are you the type to leave as soon as it’s done, sneak out, make breakfast the next day, or consider us in a relationship)?
• Are there kinks or fetishes you have that you want to talk about or explore, and any with me?

This isn’t an exhaustive list, obviously, but it is a good starting point that’s…