On Race and Art in America
Raven Best’s story of making the invisible visible
Some will say, that I am an example of how racism no longer exists in this country. That everything is fair and equal.
I am a black woman, the most disrespected person in America, as Malcolm X once said. But I grew up in a middle class family in the suburbs. I attended an elite private school for majority of my education. I graduated from college. I work in an office making above the minimum wage. Who am I to say that things are not fair?
That question is valid. I am very privileged compared to most. But I definitely can say, that things are not fair.
Racism is not always ugly words and brutality. Sometimes it can be a bit more subtle.
Sometimes racism is someone telling you to straighten your hair. Because it’ll look prettier that way.
Sometimes racism is not being told about the sleepover at your friend’s house, even though “the whole class” was invited.
Sometimes racism is someone telling you that you should consider other colleges. That you should be more realistic with your standards.
Sometimes racism is just being invisible.
And invisible is how I felt for a very long time. Those were experiences that I went through at my elite private school. The black girls at my school didn’t get asked to dances. We didn’t have teachers who looked like us, who made our goals seem tangible. Our culture was limited to one event or one elective class option, once a year. We didn’t see present day images of successful black figures who made us believe that we could do it too.
Everywhere I turned, the standards of intelligence, of beauty, of achievement, though admirable, did not seem to apply to me. Those people didn’t look like me. Talk like me. Come from experiences relatable to mine. And since I don’t fit the standard, it was hard to say where I stood. Because of that lack of representation and consideration I was left with questions…
Do I matter? Do I have a place? Am I here to do more than bring up the diversity quota?
Those are questions that I’ve had to confront and those questions are also valid.
And struggling with those questions deeply affected me growing up. We all have gone through or are going through that time in our life where we form our self image based on where we stand compared to our peers. It’s not always right or fair, but it’s how we learn and how we measure our success. You want to see how you’re doing compared to everybody else.
Being invisible, is a terrible thing to feel for anyone. But for me, being so young, when I’m looking to see where I stand in an environment that I’m in everyday, all day, and to feel that I’m not even in the race. Like I’m not even in the same room. That was very very hard for me.
This painting represents where I was. I was in a dark place. I felt lost. I felt sad. I felt lonely. This is how I was affected when I was in an environment where I felt invisible.
My self esteem was at zero. I didn’t believe in myself. Everything was a question. Am I smart? Am I beautiful? Do I matter? And don’t get me wrong, my parents did everything in their power to make me believe that the answer was yes to all of those questions. But in my mind, parents were *supposed* to say things like that. Why should I believe them. They’re just words. But when I’m out here looking for evidence, something to validate those things for me, I couldn’t seem to find it out in the real world, in my world.
All of high school and majority of college I battled with depression and deep anxiety. I went to therapy. I passed my classes. I got into college. I was doing everything I was supposed to be doing. But I didn’t really see a point. Where do I fit? Where do I matter?
I struggled with those questions for a long long time. And it took a lot of self work and searching to find those answers. Learning about my history, being around people who can relate to and respect my experience, finding relatable images to look up to, discovering who I was, what makes me happy and where and why I’m searching for my validation.
And that searching is what led me to start painting and to The Sanctuaries.
Art has helped me overcome depression and anxiety. It gives me a zen space where I only have to focus on the canvas and the colors. It centers me. And it has also given me purpose.
With art, I aim to inspire and uplift. With the colors I choose, the imagery I choose to depict. I want to be a representation, because representation really does matter.
I want people to know that they are innately intelligent, beautiful, and successful. Regardless of what images are being shown to them, whether they look like society’s standard or not, they have and are everything that they need. So that when they are in an environment that is not supporting them, explicitly racist or not, they have the tools to combat that and still flourish.
My art makes me happy. And I want to make others happy with it as well.
And this painting represents where I am. I am uplifted, I have a vision, I have a purpose. It’s bright. She’s content. This is where I am, and this is where I want to stay. And where I want our country to be as a whole. Not just some. Everybody.
To move from feeling lost or invisible to knowing where they stand and flourishing in that space.
Raven Best is a visual artist and pilot participant of The Collective at The Sanctuaries, a diverse arts community with soul committed to social change. See more of her artwork here.
