10 Thoughts You Have When You’re About to Reach 1k Medium Followers

1. Give me the “k”. Just hand it over and no one gets hurt. Give it to me
2. I’m 99% sure half of these people are bots and anonymous eggs but I love them all the same. They are my children
3. Maybe if I write something like “5 Secrets I Learned About Startups and Productivity After Maintaining Eye Contact With The CEO Of Slack for 3 Hours” I could get more followers
4. This 999 figure… it taunts me. At least it’s not a 666 anymore. I was afraid people would start to draw connections with that and the whole witch thing
5. How do I turn this into something that pays me money………… I don’t know but I like the attention so I’ll keep doing it
6. I wonder if the “k club” has jackets. I want a hot pink one that says “Smelly Ellie” on the back
7. I started this piece with a number so that should totally take me over to the other side
8. Maybe now I’ll know what love is
9. I wonder if pizzahut.com will accept a screenshot of 1k followers as payment for a stuffed crust pizza. It’s social media
10. Fuck, wasn’t I supposed to pick up my little sister from school an hour ago

For realsies, thank you all so much for following my silly blog and recommending my writing. If it weren’t for you all reading and sharing my work I wouldn’t have had some of the wonderful opportunities I’ve been given the past couple of months. I’m grateful for all of you and am excited to keep posting! If you want more silliness you can head over to my website and go look at pictures of my dog.