12 Haikus

Your Roommate

Gonna just leave these

three dishes in the sink and

pretend they’re not mine.

American Sunday

Can’t wait to sit back,

watch football, and forget I

need to do laundry.

Hors-d’oeuvres

Before a nice meal,

it is customary to

eat thirty breadsticks

Friend from old job

When I left, I said

we’ll for sure keep in touch. That

was six years ago.

Tech-minded Company

We don’t accept cash.

We ask you inject money

into our veins.

Morning Person

It’s the only time

of day I can commit all

my bank fraud in peace.

Old Guy in Sauna

So do you think the

Mets have a chance this year? I

am very naked.

Restless Couple

Got bored from looking

at my phone so decided

to look at your phone.

Appetizer Sampler for $10.99

I’ll have the hot wings,

the hee-haw hot wings, and the

honey eggroll wings.

New Yorker

The subway during

rush hour is the best time

to read Hemingway.

Entry-Level Meaninglessness

I lie about how

many hours I work because

that’s what success is.

Criticism

Don’t tell me you don’t

like the thing I worked so hard

on. But be honest.