Analog is the New Digital

There are still some things that robots can’t do

Once, when I was a graduate student at the University of Iowa, I took a multi-media art class. The professor organized a field trip to the Oral B factory in town. The manager was a verbose Irishman whose daughter was getting an MFA, and he steered us through the various rooms and chambers of the factory, providing us information about the best selling toothbrushes and the differences between the dental hygiene market in America and Europe. The toothbrush factory was very clean and very quiet.

The manual labor at the Oral B factory was mostly done by robots.

Robots are more than just ubiquitous, they are stealthy, sneaky and plotting a takeover. They are vacuum cleaners and alarm clocks and grocery clerks and library checkers. Robots can perform surgery and answer the phone, they drop bombs and dispense medication. Robots took over Blockbuster and banking. They are translators content creators, chess players and statistics professors. They are winning the race for American jobs. There is even a sex robot who can have an orgasm. I’ll just leave that there for you to think about.

It was cool that robots made toothbrushes, I guess. I mean, making toothbrushes all day is probably pretty boring and hard on the body not to mention the mind. Maybe it’s better if production lines are staffed with robots; it’s better than treating actual humans as if they are machines.

I wasn’t enrolled in an art program at the University of Iowa, I was a doctoral student of Feminist Anthropology and Gender Studies. I graduated with PhD that it is virtually useless. I can’t even teach composition at a community college because I don’t have the right credits. (Are you thinking of getting a PhD in Women’s Studies? Please don’t.) Robots didn’t take over my job — they can’t teach Gender Studies or English or Philosophy, but this country doesn’t seem to care very much about education anymore. Over half of all faculty appointments are now “contingent” (read: part-time and non-tenure track). I think that has something to do with the robots. If we are moving into a robotic world, what’s the point of developing critical thinking skills or learn poetry?

I don’t want to learn how to manage the robots, program the robots, prevent the robots from launching an attack on us. I don’t care about the Internet of Things. I have no desire to be further alienated from my body, my fellow citizens, my labor, my community. I don’t mind making small talk with the woman who rings up my groceries. I think that may be good for the soul. I miss bookstores and card catalogues and rotary dial telephones. I miss letters. I know I’m not alone in this.

I am drawn to the things that robots can’t do. For a couple of years, I made cakes. I worked part-time in a beautiful preschool. I stayed home with my son and taught him how to read and bake bread and forced him to play the piano.

I am not a technophobe, I love my computer and my phone and all the rest of it. I don’t miss tapes or the days before Google Maps. But robots can’t do the work of humans. Robots can’t be therapists or chefs or artists or gardeners. Robots can’t take care of children or old people. A robot might be able to have an orgasm, but it will never care how that makes you feel.