Destination & Desire
How will you get to where you want to go?
Once upon another time and place, there lived a young man. He was fair of face, clean of limb, quick of mind; bursting with potential and ambition. At school he far out-stripped his peers, yet was so likeable, that he was loved by all, friend and rival alike.
Later, he completed a business apprenticeship with the richest merchant in the area. He so impressed his mentor, that he was not only offered employment, but also, a junior partnership, with an option to one day, inherit the business.
However, for all his small-town successes and friendships, the young man’s aspirations went far beyond this small pond. Even viewing himself with all due humility (another of his many virtues), he knew in his heart, that he was destined for much greater things than these.
So it was, that one sunny day, he bade goodbye to the town of his youth, and set off into the world, to seek his fortune. On that day, many a fair maiden wiped a tear from her eye at his leaving.
Out in the wider world, opportunities abounded for a bright, energetic, young man. Our hero grasped many, with both hands. He worked hard, he worked smart, and he worked passionately. He dressed for success, mixed with all the right people, and all in all, did quite well for himself.
Sometimes, he could almost feel his manifest destiny within his grasp, while at others, it seemed just beyond his fingertips. And so, year after year, he faithfully pursued his glimmering star of promise.
Then, one morning, just like any other, he awoke to a shocking realisation.
He realised that he was no longer a young man of promise. He realised that far more of his life lay behind him, than remained before him. All this, and yet, destiny’s will-o’-the-wisp still gleamed temptingly, mockingly, just out of reach.
In that moment, his many accomplishments were as dust in his mouth, and he blundered, headlong into a quagmire of despair.
No, this is not the “happily ever after” kind of folk tale. However, like all folk tales, this story contains a warning, a lesson, and the promise of hope, if we take heed.
I’ve purposely left the story unresolved, because the ending depends entirely on how you, or I choose to resolve it.
If any of you fail to see some small part of yourself in this story, then I suggest that you are probably in denial. I don’t say this to criticise, or to depress you, or to say that you’ve failed. It is merely a statement of fact, because the primary character is a purposely idealised, generic human representative.
(My hero is male only for my grammatical convenience)
There is a reason why so many folk-tales revolve around the search for fame and fortune; sometimes successful, and sometimes not. This type of story is built upon millennia of honest recognition of common, human conditions and behaviours. We all, at some stage, believe, or want to believe that we have an important, wonderful destiny. In fact, potentially, we all do.
In this story, you may identify with the young person — full of hope, energy, ambition, and promise.
You may identify with our hero as he chases his dreams; working to catch up with destiny, certain that this time, it will not slip through your (oops, sorry — his) fingers.
Alternately, like me, you may have passed (or be passing) through a time of disillusionment, and even despair. Like me, you may have realised, or be realising the need for reassessment and redefinition of your self, your purpose, and your methodology.
Every one of us, in some way, begins our adult life full of dreams, promise, ambition, and hope. To some extent, we all believe that we will accomplish something great — that our lives hold greater meaning — whatever that may mean for each of us.
At eighteen, I knew that anything was possible, and in my early twenties, the world was my oyster. I approached everything, with boundless confidence in my ability to hit it out of the park, and I generally did. In my youth, I put my hand to many things, and can honestly say that I accomplished all with (at least) an acceptable degree of expertise.
While individual details may differ, I’m sure that most of you can identify with what I’m saying. We all remember (or may still be living) a time before we’d been battered by the world, and screwed over by circumstance. A time, when we daily turned our unscarred faces toward the sun of our (surely) immanent fame and fortune.
It is said that experience is a hard master, but it is also true that experience is the best teacher. Experiential lessons may not always be pleasant, and sometimes, may even seem too much to handle. However, if we are willing to grasp the nettle, and learn from our sometimes, painful experience, we generally emerge, wiser and stronger than before.
The problem with experience:
- Sometimes, the battering of circumstance leaves us dazed and confused — unwilling, or unable to proceed in our quest.
- Occasionally, we come to believe that experience is telling us to stay down — that we are not people of promise — that I am not the hero of my own story — that you have no destiny you’d want to own.
- Sometimes, in the heat of the situation, we lose faith — we lose hope .
Well, as the saying goes — “I’ve got good news … and bad news.”
The good news is — no matter your stage of life, your destiny is still out there. No matter the condition of your heart, you can still achieve what you want to. No matter, how you’re feeling right now, you are still the wonderful person you once, unquestioningly knew yourself to be. In fact, you are almost certainly better than you once were, because of experience.
The bad news is — actually, also good news, or it can be. The bad news is that my destiny was there all along — and still is. However, in all my hard work, I missed what should have been the obvious key to realising my destiny. The good news within the bad, is that I can still pick up that key.
Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
The key to realising/achieving one’s destiny, is knowing and aiming for that destiny/destination.
If you’re not going anywhere in particular, it doesn’t matter what path you take. However, if there’s somewhere specific you want to go, then your path must be chosen accordingly. The flip side, is that choosing a path, rather than a destination, probably won’t get you where you want to go.
During our youth, we are persistently taught to pick the paths — education, career, etc. — along which, the course of our lives will run. Most of us do so unquestioningly. Some of us, thinking to side-step the trap of conformity, leave the beaten path, and plunge into the unknown, in pursuit of our destiny.
The problem is, that while we may choose “the road less-travelled”, we are still picking a path, not a destination.
Having been taught to focus on, and choose a path (paths) for our lives, that is exactly what we do. Even when we choose a faint game-trail through the bush, rather than the highway of conformity, we choose a path, rather than a destination.
For me, acquiring this realisation in my mid-fifties, has been, and often still is, really scary. I sometimes feel that I’ve wasted so much of my life following paths, that I may never reach my destined destination.
Don’t get me wrong, the journey is certainly as important as the destination. However, a journey with no set destination, while often still fun, interesting, and educational, will not get you to any definite, desired location.
For some, the journey may be the destination. It all depends on what you really want. The choice is always yours. Choose consciously.
You may well be enjoying, and even benefiting from your journey, but do you feel that your journey is your destiny/destination, or does your journey (as destiny) leave you feeling dissatisfied, in spite of its wonders?
Failure to choose, define, and take aim at a specific destination is almost definitely, the most common cause of “failure”.
“If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” ― Zig Ziglar
I’m not going to belabour the point, even though so many of us — myself, included — have missed it. This is not rocket science. When we go somewhere on holiday, a destination is usually our first decision. Only then, do we pick the route that we will take to get there.
We know this stuff, but somehow, we forget to apply this “obvious” knowledge to the larger context of our lives. Too many of us have no set destination, no conscious destiny, but we are still relying on our chosen path to get us there.
So, what do we do about it?
- Pick a destination. Do you know where you want to go, and what you want to achieve? Why not? This is vital. Pick a destiny.
- Identifying your destination. So, my destination is not my path — but what is it? As with most things, you need to be specific. For instance:
# — I don’t just want to be a writer (that is a path); I want to be a published writer.
# — I don’t just want to be a published writer; I want to be successful, published writer.
# — I don’t just want to be a successful, published writer; I want to be on best-sellers lists, win prizes, and have my stories made into movies. - Pick a path that leads specifically to your desired destination. We must still pick a path, but the path is secondary. The destination is primary. First pick your destination, then choose the path to take you there.
- Pick your path carefully, but never forget your destination. If I’m travelling by motorcycle from Cape-to-Cairo, the first decision is obviously my destination. I know I’m going to Cairo. However, since Africa is the second largest continent on the globe, the number of paths leading to my destination, are almost infinite. That said, some paths are definitely better than others.
- There are many secondary destinations en route to your primary destination. If I limit my focus to only my primary goal, my Cape-to-Cairo trip will fail as my first tank of petrol empties. In this context, it is all too obvious that arriving at my primary destination requires secondary destinations such as fuel stops, rest stops, maintenance stops, etc. Pick your secondary destinations with care, and plan a path to each of them.
- Every destiny/destination must have a plan. This really cannot be over-emphasised.
# — A plan is not just choosing a path.
# — A plan is not just knowing where you want to go.
# — A plan is not just choosing a path to where you want to go.
# — A plan is both detailed and flexible.
# — A plan is SMART : Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-bound.
Yes, once again, this all comes down to basic, strategic planning. The only difference, is that now we are looking at BIGGER, maybe even life-long desires/destinations/destinies. We’re not just planning a project any more.
- What is your Vision (destination/destiny) for your life? Do you have one?
- If you have a Vision for your life (or at least this section of it), have you refined, and defined your Vision?
- If you have a Vision for your life (or at least this section of it), have you set Goals, and Objectives (a path) to achieve it, and ways to Assess whether you are on track?
I’m in the process of finding and defining my vision/destiny/destination for this stage of my life’s journey. After all these years of path-following, I’m deciding on my destiny. I’m busy finding the best path toward my desired destination. I can’t say that it’s easy to break the bad habits of a lifetime, but I’m starting to suspect — to hope — that the light at the end of this tunnel, may not be a train.
I am beginning, in small ways, to recover (at times) some of the self-belief, ambition, and hope of my youth. The difference, is that this time, I will be travelling toward a definite destination.
Resources:
It’s important to have purpose, and it’s vital that we have direction, but is your purpose and direction taking you where you want to go?
Do you know where you want to go?
