Do all Great Things Require Struggle?
or can you get to your goals without it?
“…If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The HARD is what makes it great...” — Tom Hanks. A League of Their Own.
Do you believe life has to be a huge struggle?
I’m pondering this idea today.
I was brought up by a mother who was a definite believer in ‘struggling’. Her motto seemed to be:
LIFE IS HARD. YOU SUFFER. THEN YOU DIE. Well, not exactly those words but that was the underlying feeling I got about how she viewed life.
I know she had a hard life. Her mother — my grandma Molly’s whole family was wiped out because they were Jewish. This was pre World War 2.
My grandmother escaped the Pogrom in the Ukraine to New York’s Ellis Island. Her mom, dad, sister, brother, all aunts and uncles and cousins were killed.
She was the sole survivor.
So, my mom was raised by this woman.
This woman with serious PTSD.
This woman who was a mess.
This woman who everyone said was mean.
Back then they didn’t label it as PTSD though.
Many women were thought to be crazy hysterical, odd, or even evil, and then threw into mental institutions.
So, my life was permeated with this subconscious (or conscious) belief that life had to be and was …a STRUGGLE and that there was no way around it.
STRUGGLE OR NOT TO STRUGGLE. THAT IS THE QUESTION?
Now that I am reevaluating my own life and want to move on into JOY, I am wondering if I have to hold onto this thought about struggling.
So many people I know are embarking on new goals/paths this year. They are thinking about what they want to do with their lives. I know I am.
Most goals require some struggle, right? Or will it all just flow easily like a beautiful stream?
I doubt that.
A writer friend who does freelance writing for companies messaged me yesterday. He was pondering his 2019 goals.
“The only thing I really LOVE to do is write…I want to write about the Universe… I want to write about the meaning of life... but I need to have a ROOF OVER MY HEAD!! I can write for other people, sure, but they all want such shallow topics. I feel so ALIVE when I write. How do I write what I love and pay the bills… It all feels like such a struggle!…?”
I think he was talking to himself more than me.
I said “Don’t you think you’re SUPPOSED to feel alive?”
He seemed to be in a lot of angst. Many people I know are lately — especially creative people.
Trust me I feel it too!
Is life supposed to be a STRUGGLE? Are all our goals supposed to be so damn hard to attain?
I honestly don’t want to believe this.
Another positive thinking friend Mack has always believed struggle is good for you. “It makes you tougher” he always says. It makes you appreciate the good stuff when it comes etc.
He said this when he counseled me through some of my darkest days last year:
Not everybody is willing to struggle to change things. It won’t be easy, but the most rewarding things never are, are they?
Hmm. OK. This makes sense.
JUST THE OPPOSITE MIGHT BE TRUE?
Ironically, I read a recent story by @MichaelShook called Letting Go of the Need to Struggle https://tinyurl.com/y83nra8z on this very topic!
It was a wonderful take on this issue of struggle. But, Michael basically said the opposite:
“We DON’T have to struggle to achieve our goals… struggling to achieve a goal is a myth…”
OHHhhhhhhh.
His article went on to say: “In general we learn that struggle is the only way to get what we want, but there’s a simpler way to succeed…”
He said that struggling toward a goal is NOT the only way to get there. STRUGGLING is definitely not the only way and is usually not the best way.
“…Rags to riches stories abound and are generally full of struggle. When we struggle to achieve something, we tell ourselves we deserve to win. The trouble with that idea is that it limits success to those who struggle; those folks who “deserve” to be successful.
We often view success as a finite commodity limited to the people who struggle the most and overcome adversity. Who made up that rule?”
When you define your end result in broad enough terms so that there are a number of ways you can achieve it, you are bound for success with VERY LITTLE STRUGGLE.
So, I read a lot of memoirs and I am also writing my memoir.
Most story lines in most memoirs are about someone with a huge struggle. They go through shit, pain, and struggle then they overcome it. At the end they are set freeeeeee… (Usually!)
I was wondering:
Does achievement through struggle make for more exciting stories??Honestly I don’t love reading about someone who made it the easy way with little or no struggles. That’s just not an appealing story to me.
I want to read the SHIT.
I want to read the HARD STUFF.
I WANT to read the struggles that are overcome!
I am now open to the concept of not having to struggle. At age 57 I am actually tired of it.
An old Carly Simon song I used to sing goes: ‘I haven’t got time for the pain. Haven’t the room for the pain….. Haven’t the neeeeed for the paaaaain...”
I’m open to less struggle in the new year. Hey, I might be changing my mind about this subject!
Do you believe that the harder you work at something the greater the sense of personal accomplishment when you achieve it?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
THANKS FOR READING!
www.michellemonet.com
If you’d like to check out the exciting new publication for women memoir writers click here. Honestly it was no struggle at all to launch this. He-He.
It came very easily and I’m super thankful for everyone involved with it.
