The Power Of Personal Insight
Listening to a truer version of my story helped me move towards my dreams and goals
You can now listen to the audio version on Podbean...
I used to say lots of things that I never actually listened to.
Maybe you’ve experienced something similar. I would find myself in a conversation with friends, often over a glass of wine or when relaxing with a cup of coffee on a sunny morning. I would hear myself saying these things, but it was as if someone else were speaking.
I used to say things like “I really love photography.” Many times over the years I’ve said something like “I’ve always wanted to write a book some day.” Another one I’d say often was “I’d love to travel and see more of the world.”
Occasionally someone would ask me “Why don’t you do something about it, then?” This was a good question, because these were my words, from my mouth. And in those moments I was expressing some very personal and meaningful desires. But I continued to not listen to what I was saying. For years.
But could there be a truer version of my story? I was always seeing gifts and talents in others that they seemed to dismiss or take for granted. Was this also true for me?
As I transitioned into my 40’s I started to become more aware of the story I was telling but not being a part of. And the reality is, I do love photography. I did want to write a book, and I love to travel. Those things have always been important to me, but not enough, it seemed, to take them seriously.
In my teens I used to go out with my trusty SLR camera and a couple of rolls of film, at times spending half a day driving around the English countryside taking photos. It was a real passion, even though I was on a very tight budget.
Of course times change and my film camera got put into a box somewhere — I’m still trying to work out where the hell it is! I became happy enough with snapping the world through my smartphone. Still, there’s something about real photography that I loved, and eventually I was determined to listen to what I was telling myself — I bought myself a good digital SLR and started learning all over again why this hobby is so important to me.
Interestingly the answer is complex.
Me and My Camera
I enjoy the challenge of composing a great photo. I love learning about using the camera to its full potential. About exposure and aperture and shutter speed. I experiment with different lenses, especially the vintage lenses of the type I was using 30 years ago, having found new life in a digital world.
But what I love most is simply being out there.
I live in a beautiful part of the world, right on the Mediterranean coast of Spain. I have the sea, I have mountains, I have dramatic coastline and exotic views everywhere I go. And photography is a great excuse to experience it all and keep myself from taking it all for granted.
This time of year, when the sun comes up later, I’m especially keen to capture sunrises and the clear, early morning light that makes everything glow.
Since I’ve taken up photography again there is new joy in my life. New wonder. And new energy. I’m very glad I listened.
A Deep Cry
I wasn’t aware before that there was actually a cry there, deep down. Something inside me was desperately trying to get my attention, and I wasn’t giving it the time of day.
But there’s more going on, because although I don’t have to keep reminding myself about my love of photography anymore, I know there are other things I’m trying to tell myself. And I very much need to start listening, because I’ve started to ask a question…
Is there more joy, more wonder and more energy that I’m still missing? Because if there is, I want it.
There are two things I’ve started to tell myself recently, and I’m now much more eager to listen.
Bear in mind, I’m approaching 50. It’s not a big deal for me. I have never felt more alive than I do now, and I’ve never been more content with where I am at in life. Every year that passes brings more wisdom, more experience, more wonder and appreciation for the good things in my life. I have more freedom, more confidence and more energy. I’m also less and less afraid of failing, and more and more intent on experiencing the fullness that life has to offer.
So, based on the fact that I’ve been giving a lot more credence to what I say to myself, I’ve been listening a lot lately, and this is what I’m hearing.
Hustle & Flow
The first goes something like this — “Less hustle, more flow.”
OK, I get that. I’ve never believed in the hustle. Not unless you are looking for a short, miserable life. Hustle may mean something else to you, but where I come from it means trying to keep ahead of everyone else simply to make the wheels go round faster. It means sacrificing life now for the dream of success someday.
I needed to take a good look to see if I was hustling…and maybe I was starting to drift that way. There’s always that doubt that rises up — if everyone else is hustling, surely I’ll be left behind.
I could probably write a whole book on this subject…
But flow? That is something I’m more and more aware of these days.
Flow is about seeing the natural rhythm and fabric of life, and living in it more. It’s about understanding that we aren’t just observers watching the world go by — we have a place in the grand scheme of things.
Seasons change, the sun rises and sets, and underneath everything is a flowing, bubbling river of life.
It sounds a little spiritual, and maybe it is, but these days I don’t see a separation of the physical and the spiritual — to me it seems all connected together somehow.
Flow is understanding that there is a time to plant seeds and a time to reap the harvest. Most people get that. But in between those times comes growth. In fact it’s all about life and the ongoing, unfolding journey onward.
That alone is plenty to think about. But then the second thing I keep hearing myself say is this — “Don’t do what you don’t want to do.”
With only 6 months left until my birthday, I am more convinced than ever that I don’t want to waste one more day doing something I don’t want to do.
Let me ask you a question — how many days of your life can you safely spend doing things you don’t want to do? In other words, do you have time enough on your hands that you can waste some?
I’m pretty sure I don’t.
I realize many, many people work in careers that they don’t enjoy. The 9 to 5 really is a grind. Or they are in a relationship that is just sapping their strength.
And most of us can’t just walk away.
But I know what it’s like to dread work and dream of better. And I know, given time, that it’s possible to change.
What I seem to be telling myself these days is to be careful that I don’t fall back into that old mindset of thinking that I have to do stuff I don’t enjoy in order to gain something.
It’s the “work now, live later” attitude that used to drive everyone I ever worked with in the corporate world.
Here’s a personal example of how this has been creeping back into my routines.
A lot of my time these days is put into writing and creating online courses about personal growth. But these things don’t sell themselves and I have to market myself somehow. Over the past year I’ve spent a lot of time and money running Facebook promotions, and I’ve learned an expensive lesson — this isn’t me.
I get no enjoyment from marketing. I get no buzz from creating a clever marketing campaign. It doesn’t demand the best of me, in fact it drains me and leaves an empty feeling inside. Questions arise about what I am actually trying to achieve with this.
It seems that I’m just not a marketer. And that’s OK, I simply need to play to my strengths and find a way forward that flows from who I am.
Why then, do something I don’t like? For the financial gains? Is it worth it? I’m losing self-worth, undermining my own integrity and feeling untrue to myself for what?
Some dollars in the bank?
Hmm. Time for a rethink. If I’m so confident that my books and courses are really beneficial and life-changing (and I do think they are) then I need to stay true to my cause and find beneficial, life-changing ways of sharing my work with others.
And if I get some financial reward from it in the process, well, that’s a bonus.
I’m living my most productive and rewarding years now because I made a decision to live life forward. I’d love to share my journey with you at nowlivingforward.com
