The Magic of Art: How falling into a muddy creek at a photo shoot changed my life for the better
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I didn’t want to go. Woke up with a migraine. Didn’t even feel like opening the curtains. I messaged the team (it was a group photo shoot) and told them I’m not likely to make it to our location in Westerpark. I didn’t have any energy and didn’t want to ruin the experience for everyone else.
And then, the phone rang. It was Bambos. My favorite Amsterdam photographer. And he said the one thing I had to hear — just by intuiting what was going on in me.
“You don’t have to be more than you are. You don’t have to be there for others.”
He knew it — after meeting me only once before. He knew I had this intense drive (and talent) to help others do their best.
The actor/director in me connected so deeply with what he said. Showing up is everything. I can do a shitty job, I can mess it all up, I can look like hell in the photos — but if I show up I have done most of the work.
So, I did. Threw my outfits in a bag, called an Uber and got to the location almost on time.
It was 6 °C outside — with the wind, it felt like zero. The others already gathered in a beautifully set up space — the mix of a Buddhist meditation center, an art studio and a greenhouse.
I put on my swiftly gathered outfit. My favorite boots, and the cape — the cape that always made me feel present and grounded. I didn’t think about beauty, I was just feeling. I put on random items that together felt true to the moment. Including a garter belt that I ended up wearing over my dress. And the backpack, the little red backpack that has seen so many sights in the world — that has travelled with me everywhere and has kept me company every day on my late night walks in so many cities, in deserts, and by oceans.
“Just go, go, go, however you feel, then turn around, dance, yes, dance,” said Bambos. And I did, and I felt free — wonderfully free and filled with joy. The little girl in me suddenly felt what it had been like to become a woman, this being I am now connecting with everything around me.
I was twirling around, dancing, my arms high in the air — my little red backpack suddenly made me feel like an elf on a mission. The grass, the autumn trees, the wind in my hair.
It was a millisecond — my boots slipping just a tiny bit — like Sherlock — I have imagined all possible ways I could regain my balance. I saw it before it happened — with my thigh-high boots, long black cape, I fell into the green-moss-covered creek. It wasn’t just cold water. It was cold muddy water. Heavy — filling my boots, pulling me down — nothing to hold onto.
As Bambos ran to me to pull me out and the others were staring at what just happened in a bit of a shock, I had a second when I thought I might sink to the bottom. I felt so heavy I wasn’t sure I had the strength to climb out — even with help. It wasn’t scary. Just experienced the potential inevitability of one of endless future scenarios. Bambos grabbed my arm and pulled me out, like in a superhero movie. He was so focused and cared so deeply with all his cells. It’s like he didn’t just pull me out, he also gave me energy so I can do my part of climbing out the best I possibly could.
As I got out, covered in mud, and he urged me to go and change as fast as possible, I looked at him and screamed — with passion and determination — “take the shot! take the fuckin’ shot”. And he did. I felt all my power coming back to me. Powers I hadn’t felt in years. Not because I got out safe. But because I could think on my feet. I acted like the director I always wanted to be. Like the actor I hope I’ll still become one day — fully present. Not half-assing anything. Grounded, just feeling, responding to the present circumstances truthfully, feeling what has to be done — and doing it.
I am forever grateful for that moment. It didn’t only remind me of the best in myself, it also reminded me that humans truly care about one another. It connected me with kindred spirits, and it reinforced my belief that Bambos isn’t just one of the most incredible photographers I’ve met. He’s also one of the most inspiring and inspired human beings who will bring out the strength and truth in anyone even in the most vulnerable moments.
