Journey

I’d been looking at you for quite some time

’Cause I’ve had a thing for you folks, all my life

I’d seen from a distance but close enough, many of you so many times

My desire then mustn’t have been as strong, for I used to think you weren’t for me

Until one day I suddenly realized that a bunch of people who I thought were rather cool, would often talk of stories of them and you

So forced by the desire to be cool, I gathered the courage to hop on over and say hello

And boy it was hard

But in the end, in hindsight it seemed

It was worth all the discomfort and pain.

Something was still amiss though

For every time next that I’d go on a trek

It was just for the vistas, while the thought of the hike itself would still make me worry and cringe inside

But I’d tell myself those feelings weren’t true

For hikers are only cool, if they love the hike.

When I saw you just a few days ago

Instantly I decided that while I’m here I’ll surely one day get on you

A few days passed when it was raining on and off

Until yesterday when I had to get elsewhere, a part of you came in the way

This morning then happened to be cloudy without rain, so I said to myself

It might be the perfect day to go all the way.

I already had a taste of you

You were small, seemed easy and in no way scary

I approached you with constant admiration, at your form

You weren’t so big, so in the traditional sense you weren’t really majestic or anything like that

Yet so pleasing, to the eyes

With a vista up top, that could be worth dying for.

Since you seemed small, I wasn’t in the slightest way scared of the path

Though rocky in places, I’d climbed through much worse in the past

But just five minutes into the hike, not you, but the creatures that inhabit you

Their sounds and their homes, started making me worry

Buzzing like I’d never heard before, which I hoped wasn’t from a rattle snake variety of the Western Ghats

All these burrows in the ground

Constant images of the snake, just yesterday we’d found.

Are you sure it’s a good idea being here by yourself? I asked

I don’t know, but it’d be nice to make it to the top

So let’s give it a shot

If there seems to be too much peril, I can always turn back.

The fear stayed in me all the while

But in doses that I didn’t mind

As I walked, I felt guilt

Because of me the tiny reptiles would run and the scorpions freeze

It’s their home I’d entered, without seeking permission of any kind

I was the invader, so a retaliation wouldn’t have really been unfair

So then I felt, it was legitimate to also feel a little scared

But it would be nice to be respectful and discreet, as much as I can be.

Some 45 minutes of rocks later, I reached this hybrid of a plateau and meadow

Here I noticed the climb further was quite steep

To do or not to do, I couldn’t decide, for I had somewhere to be and not enough time

I struggled with that for a while

While I’d gotten the exercise, the real vista I was yet to see

But where I was, also was quite the place

So I said let’s just chill here for a while

The peak can be pushed to, another day.

Now this meadow-plateau, looked like a spot from where fictional characters scream to feel free

Why not, I thought, and tried to give it a shot

Only to realize, it wasn’t so easy!

Something was still holding me back

I could hear, even up there, cars honking a few miles away

If I could hear them, they would probably hear me too

And if anyone heard me they’d think me crazy, and that actually would be fine

But if someone I knew who had seen me that morning, were to spot the tiny reddish-orange dot

Made by this bright t-shirt I wore

They would think I’ve gone nuts, for sure

But I’m here to conquer my fears!

So a few moments later I let one out

It was loud for sure, but by no means free

The fear of judgement, was still alive in me

After a few tries, I realized, there was no point trying anymore

Instead of releasing, this was tightening me instead

So to really be free, I’d rather just be, how I wanted to be.

So I wandered around

And suddenly became conscious of the biodiversity

This place was perfect, so pretty and serene

Despite the perils and the creatures that were mean

And wow, this mountain was suddenly who I wanted to be

To me this mountain was the ultimate being

And all of a sudden I felt, it was already alive in me.

I’d also love to stand with such majesty, and yet be so still

Open to anyone who thinks they might find something in me

Who’s welcome and who’s not, being questions that never occur to me

To be there for all, just by being there

Not by saying or doing anything anything at all

That’s would be, compassion at it’s peak.

Even on the steepest and slipperiest slopes

You open up paths, to those who can see

I’d been so far totally blind to this, and thought you all were heartless and mean

Now the kindness that I’d never seen started to dawn on me

And with that thought, the scorpions stopped scaring me

They’d found shelter, just like I had

Far from it themselves, these creatures, like me, they probably also liked you for your peace

You’d of course love it if we were even slightly more at ease

But you are with us and love us with as much ease, as you do that peaceful tree

In you I’ve have found my inspiration

I’m far from where you have reached, but in my heart I can sense your beat

I hope one day I can offer you as much love as you offer me, and my fellow refugees

And stand with you with as much grace

Until then just continue humouring me, without judging me please.

There’ll be days when it rains and you’ll be slippery

I hope to be there still, ready in my gear

Because now that I’ve found you, there’s no where else I’d rather be

I know there will be roadblocks along the way, but you’ll make sure there is still a way.

From the mountain I used to seek for it’s vista

You became the path

But now I realize you’re not even that

You’re actually just there, as you are

And it’s up to me to decide whether I want and how, to get to the top