Living In The Moment: Fact or Fantasy?
It is hard to live in the present. The past and the future keep harassing us. The past with guilt, the future with worries — Henri Nouwen
Last week, I wrote about Destination & Desire — the importance of consciously focusing on future, desired destinations. Setting and achieving such destinations requires purpose, consciousness, and action in the present moment. As such, it brings us into close combat with both our present, past and future.
Henri Nouwen is one of my favourite — or sometimes, least favourite — authors. At times, he challenges me in ways I’d much rather ignore, but then, mere sentences later, he reassures me that I’m better than I believe myself to be.
Nouwen’s deeply challenging messages originate within his own soul-searching, contemplation, and even, anguish. As such, grace is always the overarching environment of his writing.
The above quote, is from Nouwen’s book, Here and Now. I’m not going to follow the theme of his book, but I stumbled upon the quote, and it got me thinking about one of the clichés of our time — “Live in the moment.”
Here are some of the questions that came to mind:
- Is it even possible to “live in the moment”?
- How can “the moment” be defined?
- What would “living in the moment” look like?
- What definitions, limitations, and disciplines might make it possible to “live in the moment”?
Nouwen’s statement, while obviously not trying to cover all the bases, really does nutshell the most prevalent problems of “living in the moment”.
As problematic as our past can be, we cannot completely detach from, or be unaffected by it. In fact, the past is not only a source of guilt, but also the source of our experiential wisdom. Complete disassociation from our past is therefore, not only practically impossible, but also highly counter-productive.
Likewise, as Nouwen reminds us, the future is the ultimate unknown, and therefore, the wellspring of many fears. However, the future is also the realm of the not-yet-realised positive — the kingdom of dreams and ambitions. (far more tied to our fears than many realise) Complete disconnection from thoughts of our future not only limits fear (maybe), but is also the death of hope.
The crux of Nouwen’s statement, and of this article, is this:
“How can I be fully present, in the present, in spite of the powerful distractions of past and future?”
Let’s look at the questions that I listed, above.
Is it even possible to “live in the moment”?
In terms of pure science and intellectual logic, the moment — the present — does not exist in anything other than a purely theoretical manner. The present moment is too brief to be recognised, acknowledged, or consciously lived before it is in the past. This just goes to prove that science and intellectual logic are not always helpful when it comes to real life.
Objectively (scientifically), time is measured in seconds, minutes, hours, etc. — standardised units of time, that march inexorably into the future, never changing, or pausing. Objectively, the immediate future becomes the present, which becomes the past, before we even have time to acknowledge its existence. Objectively, we cannot live in the moment.
Subjectively, we experience time very differently. I recently read, that the true length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you’re on. Interesting, fun, engaging hours disappear in a flash, while a single, boring minute feels like an hour. A day at work can stretch into eternity, but a week on holiday is gone in the blink of an eye. Subjectively, the moment is as long as it feels. Subjectively, we can live in the moment.
How can “the moment” be defined?
Obviously, the foundation for the answer to this question was covered in answering the previous question.
I suggest — along with many others, who have studied this kind of thing in far more depth than I — that the subjective, lived moment is defined by our approach to, execution of, and absorption in the task at hand.
It does not matter what that task may be, the moment is defined by the task and our interaction with it. The present is defined, not by an objective unit of measure, but by what you are doing, and how you are doing it.
Your present — your moment, is defined by you.
What would “living in the moment” look like?
Living in the moment looks like an artist, completely absorbed in her painting, or a jazz musician improvising in an impromptu jam session.
Living in the moment, looks like Nadia Comăneci performing a never-before achieved, perfect, uneven bars routine, at the 1976 Summer Olympics.
Living in the moment looks like a mother, happily consumed by the process of caring for her baby.
Living in the moment looks like not hearing your wife talking to you, because you’re so deeply lost in the book you’re reading.
Living in the moment looks like having so much fun, that for a while, there is no other thought in your mind.
I’m sure you get the idea.
What definitions, limitations, and disciplines might it take to “live in the moment”?
Your present moment is subjectively defined by you and your actions. Living in the present moment, is therefore dependent on you and your actions.
Here are some basic guidelines:
- Consciousness — Far too many moments slip unconsciously by — unnoticed, unwanted, under-valued. This is why the the saying “live in the moment” exists. Be conscious of what is happening. Be conscious of what you’re doing, and what you’re feeling.
Living in the moment, first and foremost, means living consciously. - Choice — Choose to do whatever it is that you are doing. Even if you are doing the laundry, vacuuming the floor, or cleaning the toilet — tasks that few, if any of us do “by choice” — choose that task, in that time.
Living in the moment ,means choosing to do whatever you do. - Focus — Do one thing at a time. It does not matter whether the activity in question is physical, emotional, social, intellectual, work, entertainment, or anything else. Splitting focus between multiple tasks only means that none of them will be done to the best of our ability. Splitting focus among multiple activities, ensures that we will not get the most out of any of them.
Of course, this focus also applies to time. We must set aside any insecurities from the past, or fears from the future to focus only on what we are doing.
Living in the moment, means setting aside distractions, and focusing on only one thing at a time. - Absorption — Your entire attention should be captured by the activity at hand. This is true whether you are improvising an off-the-cuff jazz lick for an audience, washing the dishes, reading a book, or just sitting and thinking. Task-absorption follows naturally when consciousness, choice, and focus are practised regularly.
Living in the moment, means giving your all to the activity at hand.
If you choose to work with wood, be conscious of every action, of the texture of the wood, the sound, feel, and heft of the tools, the smell of sawdust and lacquer. Focus on each micro-task.
If you are reading a book, be consciously aware that this is your chosen activity, without guilt, doubt, or in any way lessening the importance of that moment. Immerse yourself in the story (or facts). If you’re going old-school, be aware of the smell and feel of the book — the sound and expectation of turning pages.
Living in the moment looks like choosing to do whatever you do, to the very fullest — as if it is all that exists within that present moment. Do this, even if the task at hand is a chore.
I’ve recently become aware, as I mentioned briefly last week, that much of my life has been spent in reacting to external expectation, stimulus, and perceived necessity. Don’t get me wrong, I know that sometimes we just have to do what we have to do. However, it should not be the defining theme of your, or my life, and even then, the (necessary) course of action should still be consciously and actively chosen.
So, what I’m aiming to do now, is to change my life’s defining theme.
- Instead of just reacting to circumstance, or even just doing what lands in front of me, I will begin to live — far more often — in my moment.
- This means that I will begin to choose what I want to do. Every action, every task must be consciously chosen.
- Even if I must do something by force of circumstance, I will consciously choose that task. If I cannot bring myself to choose it, I won’t do it.
- I will consciously set aside the temptations of doubt, boredom, and distraction to focus fully on the task/activity at hand. No thoughts about whether a book will sell, or be read — just the writing of the book. No thoughts of whether a new business venture will succeed or fail — just what needs to be done now.
Much has been written, lately, about making use of the time at hand. I would like to take it one step further.
Value the time at hand.
Time is an absolutely irreplaceable commodity. I will value my time by living in the moment — spending each moment to its fullest — extracting the greatest benefit from each moment.
While this week’s article is a bit shorter than usual, there’s a lot to work on. I hope that you will pick up this challenge, as I have done. I truly believe the outcome will be worth the effort.
Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear from you — whether you differ, agree, or just want to share some of your experience.
