Stop Asking The Question!
‘Why is the year ending so soon?’
Earth: ‘They have started asking the question again. They have started asking it again.’
Neptune: ‘Who? What? When?’
Earth: ‘The people on me. They are asking ‘Hasn’t the year ended too fast?’ It’s same question everywhere ‘Have you noticed the year ended so fast?’ ‘Didn’t the year just zoom past?’ Huh! Why is everyone asking the same question!’
Neptune: ‘Oh! Is that a very bad question?’
Earth, looking narrowly at him: ‘Dude! It’s hopelessly cliched. A moribund question. They ask the same question every single year!’
Neptune: ‘Every single year?’
Earth: ‘Every Single Fucking Year.’
Neptune: ‘That’s bad bro.’
Earth: ‘What’s worse is that they ask the question only in December. Everyone talks about it only in December. Not in January, or February, or March, or April, or in May or in June or Ju…’
Neptune: ‘Yes, I know how they work. It’s the same for me.’
Earth: ‘What, the question?’
Neptune: ‘No, the months.’
Earth, rolling eyes: ‘The fucking year has to end right? I can’t be orbiting the sun for ever! I need to go back to my home position at least once!’
Neptune: ‘I can feel your pain bro. I can feel it. I hardly get to go home. I take so long!’
Earth: ‘The worst is the drama that they put up on the 31st. They drink, dance, throw up, fall off, all in some supposed ecstasy, and then, wait for it, wait for it, they still say ‘The year ended so soon!’ The frenzy of these people on the last day of the year is ….foul!’
Neptune: ‘Aah Ecstasy! How I wish I could get some!’
Earth, hollering: ‘You are not listening to me!’
Neptune: ‘I am bro. I am. Don’t you worry.’
Earth: ‘The Board declared this question as the Best Hopelessly Incorrigible Question for 2017.’
Neptune: ‘Which question?’
Earth, whacking Neptune and screaming: ‘The question ‘Didn’t the year zoom past so soon?’’
Neptune: ‘Aah, yes, the question.’
Earth: ‘The Board just declared the results.’
Neptune: ‘Which Board?’
Earth: ‘The Board of United Ennui & Denouement.’
Neptune: ‘Is that a good Board?’
Earth: ‘It is a good Board.’
Neptune: ‘Is it recognized?’
Earth: ‘Yes. By the General Body of Cliched Yearly Thoughts.’
Neptune: ‘Is that a good Body?’
Earth: ‘It is a good Body.’
Neptune: ‘So bro, why are you upset with their question?’
Earth: ‘I’m tired of the question. I’m tired of their hypocrisy. First, they cry that the year ended too soon. Then they send out Instagrammable posts on how happy the New Year is. Then they make resolutions for the New Year. The resolutions last for a precise 3.5 days. They drink and dance the rest of the year. As soon as December sets in they ask ‘How is it that the year ended so soon?’ Are you kidding me!’
Neptune: ‘So bro, why are you upset with the question?’
Earth: ‘Don’t you see it? They drink gunk the entire year and then they point out that I’m moving fast! Im tired of them pointing out my speed. I need my speed. It’s obviously below my dignity to decelerate. I can’t move slow.’
Neptune: ‘Bro, why don’t you send them to me? They need more time. They’ll love me.’
Earth: ‘Sorry bro, you don’t stand a chance. Musk prefers Mars.’
Neptune: ‘Who’s Musk?’
Earth: ‘There is this guy on me. I quite like him. He wants to shift some load off of me to Mars. Talk of load balancing. I hope they take all the Tupperware there. I’m tired of Tupperware too.’
Neptune: ‘Why doesn’t he like me?’
Earth: ‘You’re too cold. Mars is hot baby! It’s red hot!’
Neptune: ‘You make me sad.’
Earth: ‘There, again. I can hear the same question again down here.’
Neptune: ‘What question?’
Earth, screaming: ‘Get off my orbit Nep!’
If you’ve felt that 2017 went way way fast, think again. If you’ve loved this story, clap for it. You can clap more than once. The more you clap, the slower your 2018 will be. I can talk to Earth about it.
