The Art of Feedback

Feedback is one of the only “Free Lunches” you’ll ever get in life.
It costs you nothing. What’s even more beautiful about feedback: you have the power to decide what you eat and what you don’t.

Yet, humans get very emotional about feedback, which can really fuck up the Art for everyone involved.

The more you care about something, the more likely it is that you’ll react to conflicting feedback defensively. When someone says “I’ve got some constructive feedback for you”, your defenses shoot up.

So you get defensive, and then what typically happens?
The feedback stops or gets washed toxic with emotions from one or both sides.

I call myself an emotionally intelligent adult (read: “delusional man-child”) but, I still get frustrated when I receive feedback on things I’ve put a lot of time into or care most deeply about (most anything related to my Business). Every year, I try to get better at giving and receiving feedback. I’ll be 29 in a couple of days (hence the introspection), and I realize just how much this man-child still has to learn (about Feedback and much, much more).

So, what can we do to make better use of this Free Lunch we call Feedback?

When receiving feedback:
Stop getting so emotional. YOU have the choice of internalizing the feedback and taking action on it or not. The more feedback you get, the more you have to choose from before taking any action. If you catch yourself reacting negatively to the feedback: STOP, smile subtly, and keep listening. You can triage the feedback later.

When giving feedback:
Realize that humans are emotional beasts. If you want someone to internalize the feedback you’re giving them, give logical feedback that doesn’t get personal (even saying the word “you” can make someone pull up their guard). If you catch someone reacting negatively or emotionally to your feedback, think through your phrasing and tone, make an adjustment.

If you enjoyed reading this, please click “recommend” below so that the Medium gawd’s machines can notice.