Tipping Point

Image by Gabriel Pollard — Used under Creative Commons 2.0

Time to Change

My writing is usually prompted by a title. That’s how my mind works. Not today. Things are a bit different today. Whether that difference will turn out to be better or worse remains to be seen.

If you’ve been following my writing on Medium, you’ve probably gathered that I’m going through a bit of a tough time. I won’t go into too many details, but here’s a nutshell summary.

• In my late fifties, I find myself not only unemployed, but living in a town where my previous, big-city, one-man-business earning skills aren’t cutting it. It’s been nearly four years now.
• I’m not living where I want to live. This, not by choice, but due to familial deception and duty. (that’s all the detail I’m giving 😉)
• We (wife, daughter, & I) used all our minimal, spare cash/savings to get here, and so, can’t even afford to leave.
• I’m a chef without my own kitchen, an artist without a studio, a writer without an office space (my desk is in the bedroom), and a wood & metal worker/tinkerer without a workshop. Not to mention, a creativity trainer without anyone who wants creativity training.

Okay, let me say this up front. I’m not inviting you to a pity party. I don’t pity myself, and don’t want or need pity from anyone else. I’m just giving you some idea of where I’m at right now, and how I got here.

Most of my blogging, during the past 2+ years — first on Facebook Notes, and then here on Medium — has focussed on developing and redefining my creativity — trying to find my way in a “new world”.

Think I’m exaggerating?

In 2014, Cape Town was named “World Design Capital”. Last year (2017), it was the first African city to be named a “UNESCO City of Design”. Until four years ago, I’d lived in Cape Town for over thirty years. Creativity (not just the arts) is highly valued in Cape Town — in all spheres of life, including business. Cape Town was/is the ideal place to practice creativity. My life had shaped itself around that.

Now, I find myself in a relatively small, rural, and largely conservative town — Eshowe. Sugar-cane farming is the main activity.

I’ve found people here to be quite insular. I call it the “Zululand Club”. (Zululand being the area of northern KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa in which I live) In a nutshell — if you weren’t born here, you’re not in the club. That’s not to say people are openly unfriendly, or horrible. Just don’t expect much. It’s just the way things work here.

Let me put it this way. I’m a very outgoing person. I’m that guy who starts conversations in supermarket queues. I’m fairly easy going, have a very wide range of interests, and love to try new things. I’ve never really battled to find common interests with others.

I’ve always formed acquaintanceships easily, and developed some closer friendships from there. In my four years in Eshowe, I’ve not managed to develop anything more than shallow acquaintanceships. It’s just the way the town is. Not even direct appeals to common interests like motorcycling, fishing, or music have helped.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad. This is a sub-tropical area, and I love the warmer weather. It’s difficult to make things too hot for me, and I’d happily do without winter completely.

There are a few artists of varying disciplines in and around town. But, they make 90%+ (I’m understating) of their living outside of town. That has been my experience too. Creativity in general, and particularly in its wider applications is just not on the Eshowe radar.

So, how do I apply creativity to my own life, in an almost completely different environment. I never thought it would be easy, but I’ve found it infinitely more difficult than I’d expected.

Part of the problem is dealing with depression from multiple sources, such as :

• Ongoing feelings of familial betrayal. Constantly being on guard, since we’re in daily contact with those family members.
• Repeatedly coming up against brick walls in attempts to start a business, or find employment. (that Zululand Club again)
• Being largely reliant — for accommodation, food, and finance — on the very family members who deceived us into coming here. Not a great power, or relational balance.
• Almost constant illness — flu, sinus, gout, etc. — over the past three years. Probably something of a vicious circle involving depression & stress.

None of this changes what I know I need to do. It just makes doing it far more challenging.

I must redefine myself creatively, so that I can live and thrive in this new environment.

Publishing blog posts, first on a daily, and more recently a weekly basis, has certainly helped me sort through a lot of stuff. Just recently though, it is beginning to feel like a distraction from what I need to be getting on with.

I’ve reached a tipping point.

Here’s the thing about the articles I’ve been writing lately. Because I’m usually working through deep and difficult personal stuff as I’m writing, they are neither quick, nor easy to write. Writing a weekly Medium posts usually takes me most of the week — not to mention buckets of blood, sweat, and tears.

Long story short — Whether it seems like it to my readers or not, these articles have left me time and energy for little else. Till now, that’s been fine.

However, they’ve done their job, and that means it is time to move on.

The initial temptation was to stop blogging altogether. After all, blogging had served its primary purpose and isn’t making me any money. But, after much thought and consideration, I believe that a complete stop would be counter-productive.

Firstly, I’ve put vast amounts of energy and time into building a readership — even if it is still quite small. (and I’ve still got things to say and books to write)

Secondly, it is a tool that I’ve spent a lot of time and effort learning to use effectively. (slowly getting there)

Thirdly, it seems foolish to discard a useful tool that I’m finally figuring out how to use effectively.

So, where to from here?

Sometimes you know a thing theoretically — or even practically, but can’t see it in your current context. Maybe you’ve even blogged about it, and taught the theory to others. Then, one day, seemingly out of the blue, this “old truth” hits home in a new way, and becomes (hopefully) a catalyst for the change you’ve been looking for.

This happened for me a couple of weeks ago.

I was chatting to a youngish (compared to me at least) guy in town. I’ve known him for nearly four years now. He and his wife have a couple of fairly successful businesses in town. They also have two kids. A while back, he inherited some property (and a business — since sold) from his dad. In short, I view them as successful.

I’ve long known both he and his wife as incredibly hard-working, motivated people. At the same time, they don’t let business get in the way of helping people out in any way they are able. You get the picture — really good people.

Anyhow, two weeks ago, he was showing me his latest venture — a specialist key cutting & programming business for motor-vehicle keys. I’m ashamed to say that one of my first thoughts was, “Why do things work out for some people but not for me?”. Yeh right, I know. My inner-me can be a bit of a whiny ass at times.

Fortunately, my better-self stuffed stupid-me back in his sack pretty quickly. If anyone deserves success, this guy does. I’ve seldom met anyone who works as hard as he does, and still takes time to care for those around him.

So, my stupid self-pity aside, and his plain, hard work aside — what makes him successful?

The answer, once I pulled my head out of my butt, was actually quite simple. There are two steps :

1. He works hard at what he is good at.
2. He focuses on things that are needed in town.

Yes, I know. It’s only taken me four years to pick up on something so obvious — that I already knew. But then, I bet you’ve experienced similar mental-emotional disconnects at some point in your life. If you haven’t, you’ve got something to look forward to. 😄 Happens to the best of us.

So, where does that leave me right now?

1. I’m going to be taking my primary focus off my blogging. I’ll still write, and try to publish on a semi-weekly basis. But, my content may well be different. Probably more about what I’m doing, and many more expressions of creativity, with fewer ruminations on creativity.
2. My new primary focus is starting a business doing something I’m good at, for which I think there is a need in town.
3. Obviously my first step will be some market research to confirm my theory. For now, what I’m doing is still under my hat. (more details as things unfold)
4. If the need is confirmed, then there’ll be quite a bit of work to ensure I have steady access to raw materials at relatively steady prices, so as to provide reliable service.
5. Then the real hard work will start. The venture I’m contemplating is work-intensive, even as a relatively small-scale business. However, it is something I enjoy and am good at. A bonus, is that no-one else in town (or surrounds) is doing what I’m planning. (of course that could mean there’s no demand, but we’ll see)

Times of change and innovation, such as this are always nervous and/or exciting, depending on how one frames the emotion. Additionally, new ventures always contain the possibility of success and failure. This is especially nerve-wracking for me now, since my last couple of ventures have landed on the side of failure.

Anyhow, I hope you’ll all stay tuned as I venture forth into new territory — putting into practice, the things I’ve learned and taught in my blog articles.

As you’ve no doubt noticed, I did eventually — about three-quarters of the way through writing — come up with a title.

As usual, I’d love to hear from you. I still hope that one day this blog will become more of a conversation than a monologue.