After watching the penultimate episode of the last season of Girls, I really appreciated how they reflected real life in that sometimes we have to realize some relationships are toxic for us, and it’s okay not to be “friends,” despite a long and storied history. It connected a dot for me when I snuffed out (an attempt at) a friendship with my ex. To be fair, I think I was trying to find some semblance of closure. When the opportunity came to meet up, he couldn’t handle it, so in a sense I got my closure. For a while afterward, we tried to chitchat, but honestly, what was the point? The whole thing felt very passive-aggressive or trying to one-up each other.
Always the one to be reflective and very “what if?”, the whole thing got me started thinking what my life would be like had I stayed in London. Rationally, I know I was very unhappy and I would not be the same strong independent woman I am today had I not made the decisions I did (though I do ponder if it wasn’t an eventuality??). Irrationally, I keep having these Sliding Doors visions of my life. I found myself constantly daydreaming about that life, and as I am wont to do, thinking it would’ve been perfect, which really began to weigh on me.
Today I read an article which talked about how to win at life, and it described “cheat codes” to help you. Cheat #4 really reasonated with me: Stop Fantasizing.
The human imagination is a powerful thing. And the imagination is a fun thing to play with — it’s what attracts us to books and movies and TV shows that we binge-watch in a single weekend.
But when applied to ourselves, the imagination can become another form of Distraction. It can be a way of avoiding what is real and true for us in the moment, a way to live vicariously through the images and ideas fed to us by others. It’s a way to feel a sense of accomplishment, all while sitting on our couch, alone.
Most recurring fantasies we have about ourselves are reactions to our insecurities.
I think today I did two good things: getting rid of some toxicity, and got some perspective about being more present.