My Grief is my Growth

What’s on my mind is a thing as common as anything, as common as can be. A thing that happens every day and to every person. We see it in the lab and in the hospitals and in our families, but we still fear it. What is death to the doctor? I always saw it as an event to be feared, an event that doctors should help thwart. With prevention and treatments and social policies, we seek to avoid mortality at all costs. The physician to me was the guardian of life.

With a death in my family on New Year’s Eve, death turned towards me, showing a new face. My loved one lived a long life, and suffered a long strife. I feared his death more than anything. I fear it still. But death is different to me now. Instead of labouring even to take a simple breath, instead of being overwhelmed by pain as the cancer grew, my love is at peace. He is sleeping as he always loved to do. I realize now that the role of the physician is as the guardian of person, not only the guardian of life. The person is present in both life and death. The role of a doctor is to save the patient’s life if at all possible, and to make the transition to death as dignified and painless as possible.

As our medical careers progress, we will increasingly be exposed to death. This was an aspect of medicine that I had feared. My fear has been overshadowed, however, with a stronger emotion. That emotion is the drive to be the helping hand to families in that time. It is to offer support, kindness, and respect during the most difficult stages of their lives. To me, this is one of the most meaningful things that a doctor can do.