Nervous wreck

I’m a nervous wreck to go back. I have to confess: I know we had 4 months but I barely studied anything at all. I didn’t do research, I didn’t go to the cottage, I didn’t do ANYTHING productive. And now we’re going back and I feel like I can barely function.

That post from a few days ago… saying that the expectation is to have a complaint about the pandemic? It’s funny because I feel the opposite. I feel like everyone is out there saying they’re “happy to see patients again” or “ready to learn” or “looking forward to getting back into routine” or putting some other positive, hopeful spin on things meanwhile I am, to put it bluntly, none of the above. I am nothing but a ball of pure dread and I feel like I can’t tell anyone because they won’t understand or take me seriously. Or maybe I’m just a terrible negative person and I should just learn to cheer up and look on the bright side. Lol. Not happening.

I seriously might be the most anxious person in the class by far. I really don’t know if anyone is taking this whole thing as hard as I am. I barely passed my last clerkship rotations despite working my butt off, so I’m constantly in fear of what’s coming ahead. Who knows if I’ll even match or have to go through this for another year. That would really suck. I don’t know if I could handle that.

I really don’t want to go back, but hopefully residency really is just one year away, and after all this… it better be worth it.

— 2T1