7 Painful Ways Masking Hides My Autism

There’s more to me than meets the eye

Shamiha Said
ArtfullyAutistic

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Image created on Canva by the author (Shamiha Said)

Masking my autism was the only way to survive, to fit in with others, to be loved and accepted. I learned from a young age that my parents’ love was conditional on the basis that I would become the version of myself appropriate for them and who met their needs. And so, whilst I did show signs of autism as a toddler, my autism was hidden for twenty-seven years; my mask was unbreakable until the moment I became a mother.

As I grew into a teenager and young adult, my ability to mask my needs and autistic traits became more sophisticated until I became someone I didn’t even recognise behind closed doors. However, masking came at a great cost; my physical, emotional and mental well-being was slowly being sacrificed, and I was withering away in plain sight. I became crippled with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, infections, and addiction to painkillers, and I started to develop chronic migraines.

Looking back, I don’t believe that masking my needs and authenticity was a worthy cause, and I am on a journey to uncover my true identity and become unapologetically autistic.

Here are all the ways that masking hid my autism for 27 years:

  1. Forcing eye contact

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Shamiha Said
ArtfullyAutistic

10x Top Writer🏆& Number One Writer for Autism on Medium. Spreading Neurodiversity awareness one article at a time.