Communication Breakdown
Life on a foreign world…
It’s rather strange that if we talk with someone from another part of the world, we don’t consider their use of a different language as being a ‘disability’. Rather we actively try to help them by either learning to speak in their language or we apply another method of communicating our thoughts.
Well, I speak a different language. I speak autistic.
I have learned to speak “Neurotypical”, though not fluently and I couldn’t pass as a ‘local’. I know that in spite of my best efforts, my actions may still appear unusual, stilted and both my body language and choice of words might come across differently to my intention. By the same token, I will misinterpret what a neurotypical person says or not understand their body language and so my reactions to both will appear to be incorrect and/or confusing to the person with whom I’m conversing.
For example, when you are telling a story I am likely to start talking about a similar situation I have faced. Some might think “But MoK, this isn’t about you”. However, I’m not trying to turn the conversation into being about me, like some kind of narcissist, rather it’s a sign that I am trying to connect with your tale to show you that I care about what you are saying and can relate to it. On other occasions I will catch myself interrupting a conversation or interrupting the person with whom I’m conversing. Usually with some piece of information or my latest thought, neither of which can wait. By the same token, neurotypicals might misinterpret what I am trying to get across because I’m not using the same approach they would, or even the same words.
However, if you asked about today’s weather and I replied “Wel mae’n debyg y bydd hi’n bwrw glaw yn hwyrach ond yna dyma Brydain”, would you think I’m disabled? Unlikely.
Pop it into Google Translate though and it will make sense.
I care deeply about people and connecting with others is also a great source of joy for me. When trying to find that connection with someone I am aware that I use a number of different communication tools. Work is one, everyone reading this has that in common with someone else, but we are more than what we choose to do for a living. When I became a parent, I discovered a new connection.
I’m told that I have a good sense of humour and I notice that I have the ability to make people laugh. Sometimes it probably appears to be inappropriate timing and out of place. It might appear that I’m not taking the discussions around me seriously. That’s not the case. I’m paying rapt attention, because I have to. I’m drinking in everything that is happening around me. People laughing gives me a momentary connection.
I will also reference pop culture, it’s usually something many people recognise. A line from a film or song, something in the news recently. Each a potential link into the head and emotions of the people around me.
With this in mind, it’s probably no surprise that I don’t really do small talk. Small talk makes no sense to me, all surface and superficial with an outcome which I cannot foresee or measure. I need depth, meaning and a connection.
It would also help if people learned my language because sadly Google doesn’t yet understand ‘autistic’.
“I speak two languages, autistic and neurotypical with an autistic accent. Almost everyone else only speaks neurotypical. For some reason I’m the one considered to have a disability” — Anon
