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“Feeling like you’re part of a group, but you’re not in reality” — the ND/Autistic experience of loneliness

Photo by Geoffroy Hauwen on Unsplash

Deriving from the Greek word “autos” [self], the namesake for the Autistic neurotype was originally chosen as a reflection of how Autistic folks will find themselves on their own, and it’s no lacking concept of self-ism {supposedly defining how members of Autistic and Neurodivergent communities are drawn to isolation}.

(Ward-Sinclair, 2020)

Neurodiversity is a concept referring to the ways that people experience and interact with the world around them in different ways because of natural variances in both brain cognition and the brain.

(Robins, 2022)

How Loneliness can affect ND and Autistic people in different ways

Well, god-fucking-dammit, that’s what happens when neurotypicals let their neurotypical fragility and privilege get to their heads while having an invisible stick so far up their asses that they refuse to even check themselves for their ableist bullshit.

You wouldn’t feel free to be your actual self in this hypothetical neurotypical-dominated environment, because you would be feeling isolated from the rest of NT society and people, because they are fucking up very badly when it comes to not being ableist pieces of shit. Those same people would continue to have their fun while having zero fucks in this world, while you are already feeling like a ghost doomed to invisibility from the perspective of a dead human being’s soul.

That leads you in feeling more left out, isolated and secluded, and caged. Those feelings can make you feel like you’re someone prepping/preparing for a potential apocalypse while everyone else seems more carefree without a single fuck about this shitshow of a world.

Loneliness as a Coping Mechanism &/or Survival Mechanism & what Loneliness can feel like

“For some Autistic people, the feeling of loneliness can be really strong, and it can feel incredibly isolating. I want you to know that you’re not alone if you’re feeling this way.” — Emily Katy, 2022

Contributing factors

Think of situations like this as if you’re playing the role of an ant seeing the large world of humans around them, or like a small pebble trying to surf the ocean’s waves, but becoming more toppled over every time the pebble fails to surf the ocean’s waves.

Connections and Loneliness

Loneliness and Isolation


You’re not a burden, but a human being. Your life can be nourishing, meaningful, and full of contentment on this basis (Brown, 2015). You also have the same human right to life and to equity, access and opportunity as any other individual as well… and anyone who says otherwise is full of shit and an ableist jackass. There will be struggles you may have to face that NT people will never understand while you share some of them with NT folks. But… this will NOT bring you down since you’re already doing the best you can to come out stronger and more resilient due to your struggles. You can also do the best you can to ensure that no one is alone in facing struggles because those who are facing their struggles may be in your current position or in past positions you used to be in.

You’re incredible beyond vision (Brown, 2015), kind-hearted, strong, talented and intelligent enough. You are surging with a capability to live life to the fullest you have and to share experiences with people you encounter in real life. Your neurology is ALWAYS enough, and it’s completely fine if it diverges from the so-called ‘socially accepted’ neurotypical neurology because you are, and will always be, good enough as you are. You have the strength for deep compassion and you may be moved to action and to protest, riot, and fight hard against corrupt injustices. It’s okay if you learn differently than others and need support, accommodations or services to have equal access. It’s also more than okay to think and communicate differently, and/or experiences sensations in a different way.

It’s also completely fine if you find comfort with people who will impact you or others around you in supportive and beneficial ways in your lifetime, or if you have comfort with only a couple of people, and it’s fine if you feel fine with solitude or with any potential to participate in exploitations of unlimited creativity as well.

Your efforts in life is changing the world for the better with regards to the talent(s) or traits you have, even if this means an encounter with someone that makes your life a little better or that your worries become less overwhelming, more manageable to deal with, and less overloading. You don’t owe society shit. At all.

Society’s burden and responsibility is to compensate for the history-long chain of abuses, disenfranchisement, marginalisation (Brown, 2015), discrimination, dehumanisation, and bigoted bullshit perpetrated against you and every marginalised community who’ve been denied power, equity and social justice, and the inalienable right to self-autonomy/determination.



This Publication is for all who are Autistic and for those of our kind. It is for the Neurodivergent, for those on the Spectrum of all Gender Identities, the LGBTQ*, and all others who are justifiably non-conformant to Society’s harmful marginalization and Ableist views of us.

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[They/He/Xe]|Autistic| This is a safe space for you to read in the comfort of your home! You can find my ko-fi at: