The Dark Reality of Wellness, Self-Development/Love Culture and Ableism
TW & CW // ableism mention, “self-love” mention, the overrated and sometimes annoying words “work on” and “healthy” being used to describe normalised societal norms pushed by NT people, bigotry mention, implicit appropriation mention, etc.
A/N: Hello everyone!!!!
I’m back at it again and again with another article that has to be written because I hate to say it, but people who are deep in the hyper-capitalised Wellness/Self-Love communities also benefit from Hustle/Grind culture as well since those cultures are often connected to each other and are intertwined to only benefit NT, abled, hearing, oral, and singlet individuals.
So before we get started, I will dedicate this article to my in-real-life friend, who I will refer to as C for privacy reasons, including my online friends and another trusted online friend I’m grateful to rainbows for (who I will refer to as A for privacy reasons).
Sometimes, the words “healthy” and “unhealthy” are used by some to describe their overall state of health and again, that’s completely valid, understandable and comfortable (or comfy s’mores) of the people who use them for themselves. For people who are becoming sick and damn tired of the words “”work on””, and “”healthy/unhealthy”” when describing beneficial relationships (doesn’t atter if they are romantic/sexual, platonic, queerplatonic, monogamous, polyamorous, friendship, etc.), social norms (also created by neurotypicals since we live in those societies and have to survive under them for our own well-being), conflict that happens in relationships (again, that’s for the people in their own relationships to deal with and to sort out for themselves so that they know what they could take from [it’s okay if not all, if they have a hard time trying to apply what they’ve learnt from conflict because they’re not alone in this, and/or for other valid reasons that they do not have to explain at all in a society that has stopped distinguishing between a genuinely terrible person and someone who’s simply trying to navigate relationships and many more topics they’re dealing with], not for society and mental health professionals to always comment on, because most of the time, it can make sense from a social/societal perspective on them, but sometimes it can become infuriating, emotionally and/or mentally tedious, and overall annoying from the perspective of being completely harsh on a person who is still navigating their place in this wasted wonderland of a world that is both better and messed up towards anyone), and more topics pertaining to emotions and how a person perceives their own self as (or how they interact with their headmate(s) for Plural individuals), they become sick and tired with their increasing usage along with preaching “emotional maturity” (etc).
Without further ado, let’s get started on this topic!
Reason
When it comes to wellness culture, there’s always a reason. For example, people who cling to heath gurus that glorify and overpromote wellness products believe that Disabled and ND/Autistic (etc.) individuals need to be “”cured”” and “healthy” in order to create a life full of so-called “productivity” and happiness, which is rooted in society’s ableism and its ballistic fear of disability and naturally modal neurotypes that it is willing to do something to ideally “outsmart” it (which you can’t because disability is a natural, but inevitable part of life one cannot escape), even if it sounds ridiculous or if it’s overpriced. However, reasons like this can be justified by an abled (etc) and NT person to veil their medical and social/internalised ableism while not being held accountable for that even though said person either uncritically listens to plenty of abled and NT-based “self-care” nonsense that society has both stolen and co-opted it from people who they’ve marginalised in the past (and still marginalise to this day, no matter how many good progress there actually is), or that they know that NT and abled “self-care” and “self-love” still benefits them, but still uses the usage of both to keep invalidating others (no matter where their privileges and intersections lie, because what we call “reality” or this timeline is still screwing us over in the worst ways possible, such as climate change, capitalism, eugenics, fascism, an increase in alt-right groups and in TERF reactionaries, and more) and to keep telling them messages that don’t ever do much and are NOT for every single person such as “”work on yourself””, [insert anything that mentions euphemisms of the dark and messed up ironic and hypocritical realities of life to supposedly “”empower”” (in a romanticised way on the part of self-empowerment, self-help and self-love communities) a person who is dealing with a lot (can vary) of “screw off!” mental health battles], “”love yourself””, including anything that plenty of abled and NT therapists still use to invalidate others when it comes to executive and/ or emotional (and more) “”function”” or “”dysfunction””.
Chronically ill and Disabled folks typically require a team of medical experts (who are knowledgeable/decent and competent and have worked with many Chronically ill and Disabled folks in the past) to aid them with managing complexities of provided care towards them, because one health professional isn’t fully enough to provide theoretical or experiential-based wisdom about the ins, outs, and in-betweens of what life is like while Chronically ill and/or Disabled. While online information, academic material, orally taught or written taught material, studies that are understandably prone to opinions one may or may not fully, partially, or even mostly agree with, or even a textbook can teach someone about the definition of what a Disabled/Chronically ill person’s life is like, it will not teach a Chronically ill or Disabled person how to accept or appreciate themself or to even understand themself better because that is learnt through experiences and even while doing the best they can to physically (i.e., written), mentally (i.e., mental memories), emotionally (i.e., emotions felt through experiences, even though they aren’t always identifiable, and that’s completely okay), and experientially (i.e., through their memories or even reminiscing about them) live their life knowing how to understand, accept, and/or even appreciate themself.
If a person has the amount of finances and time they are able to invest in seeking a therapist specifically tailored for them in providing beneficial coping tethers that personally work for them, then they’d first explore those coping tethers to see which is beneficial for only themself to utilise as an anchor to their own reality, or if they are fortunate, they would have a strong and empathic support system who would be their guide.
Without support systems, then there would be a void that feels like you cannot escape it, but instead, you’re stuck in there without a way out of this dark well dragging you deeper and deeper until you’re fully sucked in. This is where so-called “”wellness”” gurus (comprised of mainly non-intersex and allocishet, abled, hearing, oral, singlet, and neurotypical people) slide right into your life to fill that void.
The implicit, but inherent ableism in Wellness, Self-help and Self-love communities
So many of us humans carry internalised (or ingrained/socially taught) beliefs that we are being “”too needy””, that asking for help makes us “failures”, that we have to focus on ourselves and to be role models for people who look up to us (inspiration porn and the neurotypical concept of “maturity”, anyone?). There’s also still the shame that continues to surround the idea that having needs is a concern that must be solved “”alone””, which is entirely a false belief that’s already been ingrained into us for decades. However, we need to examine how this belief can be both good and harmful.
Good V.S. Harmful
This belief can be good on one hand since we, as human beings, are attempting to preserve ourselves and do not wish to be taken advantage of by the medical system and especially in our close relationships with people we know and trust (for the most part), and we do not also wish to be misunderstood by others when it comes to concerns we assume is “safer” to tell others. Despite this, there are times where it’s better to tell some concerns to other people who are more understanding about them than to people or to loved ones who would misunderstand it in their own perspectives. However, there are other times where some people aren’t so accepting nor well-informed on human rights concerns such as mental health, neurodiversity, disability, including social justice, which is when we feel that we have to resolve our concerns on our own (if one doesn’t have a beneficial support system to feel safe with relying on).
This belief, in another point of view, can be a harmful one because one person is so used to having their concerns about their mental health, their neurotype/disability and/or any aspect of themself being minimised and downplayed by medical professionals in power that they start to believe that their concerns aren’t as worthy to be heard and listened to by others and they’d continue to be ignored by self-help, self-love and especially self-improvement/development cultures.
And people in privileged (etc.), neurotypical and capitalist self-help/love and self-development cultures wonder why people refuse to open up about the continuous stigma and bigotry [in a supposed “transparent”, “real”, and “authentic” way] they still deal with instead of hyper-emphasizing on themselves (which isn’t relevant right now because of the pain, bigotry, and many forms of oppression still existing in this wasted nightmarish wonderland of a world, and emphasis on one’s self doesn’t solve the problem nor does it create a solution of love since this isn’t necessarily how rebellion against corrupt systems work, because to rebel against those, there has to be a focus on the collective instead of the individual)…
It’s the denial, manipulation, and dismissing of actual concerns in the world by those communities while simultaneously catering to themselves and to people like them instead of marginalised communities of all neurotypes and disabilities for me (hell, mainstream societies like ours are playing the largest roles in those communities while using self-help/love and self-development as a marketing tool to appeal to privileged communities and harming marginalised communities that have invented and created actual self-acceptance/appreciation in return as a form of disgrace and tokenism).
What’s steeped in Wellness, Self-Help/Development and Self-Love cultures
Notions such as “self-care”, “self-help/development” and “self-love” are steeped in both ableism and in white, abled, non-intersex and allocishet (etc.) privilege, since they’re utilised as ways to scapegoat people for their lack of “happiness”, “empowerment”, “self-love” (how does it actually solve the concern of systemic issue and society’s contradiction of conditioning a marginalised person to detest themself, but all of a sudden, spring “”self-love”” onto them?), and “self-development” as it promotes a false, but wishy-washy ideal of what “health” and “wellness” looks like. There are also a significant amount of systemic gaps that are physical, financial, medical, social, emotional, and societal barriers that still exclude others and still throw people under the bus for no reason other than their existence “threatening” capitalism and “self-care/love”, “self-help”, and “self-development” cultures that already exclude and antagonise others for not following their ableist dogma anyway.
In addition, self-care is often perceived as a luxury that so many people cannot afford in a financial way and in a social way. To Disabled (etc.), ND, Plural and Autistic folks of all intersectionalities, self-care is an act of survival, preservation and self-protection for them in a society that still continues to whole-heartedly embrace eugenics and fascism against them through their own personal coping tethers that keep them safe and anchored in this world (i.e., a trusted therapist who is more of like a sincere best friend than a systemic robot corrupted to make one “accept” capitalism, a loving family [regardless if chosen, by blood, or more] and trusted friends and/or oneself if comfortable, etc.). Self-care isn’t a special skincare serum that is ridiculously overpriced or some expensive non-alcoholic drink from a café, but it’s more of creating a trusted support system, avoiding people who utilise the words “healthy/unhealthy” to describe NT-coated social norms such as boundaries, relationships, including people who make you feel like sh*t for wanting to avoid them (in cases where an ableist person is detrimental towards someone else), including ableists who tell you that you’re “”just lazy”” when really you’re experiencing executive dysfunction, while setting beneficial boundaries to protect you from harm.
From my personal kneejerk reactions to “self-love” and “self-help”, the words “work on”, “healthy/unhealthy”, “love yourself”, including “empower and work on yourself” can get annoying, tiresome and just ridiculous at times which feels like NT and abled privileged people utilising those words to make themselves look like saints and/or to make themselves look good and important (again, I’m also guilty of wanting to look good and important since I’m no better than anyone else, nor am I some Xtian concept of an angel nor am I an ideal person at all) as a way to save face from the public (I do not blame those who personally feel comfortable with using those words, so for those who feel comfortable with using those words, you’re good as you are and you’re fine in my books, and if you still feel comfortable in using those words to personally describe you, that, I fully support and am okay with, as long as you do not have any ill intentions of using those words for people who do not personally feel comfortable with them). For those who use those words to look good, saintly, and important for capitalism and especially to play G-d for “#GirlBoss” abled neurotypicals to choose y’all… yeah… you ain’t that good and just admit that y’all can’t stand the though of not being in charge of your health, overall well-being, including one’s own agency and decision-making and go.
(A/N: to summarise #GirlBoss, it’s mainstream “feminism”, but the more capitalist, abled, white, privileged and neurotypical version that will never be actual feminism, since actual feminism involves intersectionality, anarchy, and freeing ourselves of the chains that NT societies impose on us when an actual revolution is going to happen instead of the individualist nonsense we’re all ingrained and fed with [don’t get me wrong, both individualism and collectivism has their good sides, but there’s dark sides to them as well])
The inherent, but implicit ableism of productivity
We all live in a system that places too much value on the bodies of human beings and the way our brains continue to be themselves (in terms of functionality) based on social constructs of what is perceived as “normal”, who is “intelligent” and who is ‘not’, who is “excellent”, who is “desirable” and who is more “productive”. Those ideas are deeply ingrained with anti-Black (etc.) racism, eugenics, capitalist realism, fascism, colonialism, imperialism, ableism, perisexism/intersexism, cissexism, heterosexism, misogyny, misandry, misogynoir (including misandrynoir, which is genuine hatred and oppression of Black men and Black masculine individuals), xenomisia, including an overall genuine hatred of people who aren’t of “”the norm”” in society (from Talia ‘TL’ Lewis’ perspective on ableism; Disability Visibility with Alice Wong [episode of Just Between Us, which is a podcast that have a broad range of topics, from mental health, sexuality, reproductive rights for all, and more]). Those forms of systemic oppression leads to people and society determining who is more “valuable” and who is more “worthy” based on their appearance, language, religion, and/or the subjective “ability” to satisfactorily reproduce, “behave”, and excel.
Capitalist societies like ours promote their capitalist realistic “version” of free will, individualism, including other promises such as free choice in doing whatever makes you happy, but they still dish out consequences to those who actually march to the beats of their own drums in defiance against a capitalist, bigoted and ableist system that profits off of those “free will” and individualist concepts to get people become more okay with internalised ableism and especially with feeling like one can never feel truly free to be themself as long as both ableism and capitalism [plus capitalist realism] dictates how one “should” and “shouldn’t” act when it comes to mental health and its constantly evolving, but stigmatising language, including many more concerns, such as one not wanting their own autonomy taken away from them by both. One doesn’t necessarily have to be abled/privileged to experience that societal ableism.
Borrowing from Disabled, ND/Autistic, and d/Deaf cultures
There are many real-life examples that abled and NT society has borrowed many things from Disabled, ND and d/Deaf cultures. One example is the football huddle (borrowed from Gallaudet football players who’ve huddled to prevent other teams from seeing them signing). Another example that is quite popular with NTs is the weighted blanket, in which its purpose is to aid Autistic folks with overwhelming sensory experiences and with the anxiety they still continue to live with in general. Disabled, ND/Autistic, d/Deaf, Hard of Hearing, Mute, and many more individuals (such as Plural folks) continue to experience societal and social (etc) erasure that contributes to their decades-long discrimination and bigotry without asking us about our experiences living in a world and society(ies) that were never made for us. We’re often told to “get over it”, to “”work on”” ourselves, to “love” ourselves as if it’s some dormant muscle that hasn’t activated yet (but realistically, it’s not and never will be as it is something subjective and again, a human construct that became a part of the many forms of love that can also be subjectively experienced, because not every single person has to experience all of them), to “grow up”, to cope with our own lives in a “”healthy”” manner. Even with more neurotypes and/or disabilities, we are dismissively told to “control” our emotions, to “breathe”, to “meditate”, to resolve conflict in a “”healthy”” way even though this self-proclaimed “”healthy”” way by white and privileged neurotypicals are non-existent to those they marginalise and minimise. We’re also told to “act your age”, and to try things such as turmeric (as I’ve learnt in life, it’s to aid with skin sensitivities, such as eczema) [which only helps some, myself included, but not all people], including kombucha. Saying all those things puts down Disabled (etc) and ND voices while “othering” them in return, and this still continues to happen whether in a societal manner or whether between previous and future generations. So to include some angry thoughts and emotions I have for privileged people who keep being willfully ignorant while pretending to be some saintly saviours and by being G-d at the same time, I will say this. For privileged people who need to educate themselves, I apologise for any discomfort that this may cause you (better for me to be considerate while also being honest, no?), but let this be a good awakening for you to educate yourselves on how the topic of “self-care/love” still harms Disabled (etc) and Neurodivergent folks.
Dear abled, singlet, hearing, oral, and neurotypical/allistic white people, you think that you’re trying to empathise with us because you think that what’s benefitted you will also benefit us. Well tough G-ddamn luck! It doesn’t benefit us since it only benefits people like you and it only helps y’all. Regardless of where our privileges and oppressions may intersect, privileged clowns, you always have this abled and neurotypical white saviour complex along with trying to make yourselves look good and amazing with all of your self-help/development and “”self-love”” cr*p that only benefits y’all, but never the people that you intend to help yourselves. You also think that you’re doing something good by trying to extend your “inner self-help guru” to us, but I promise you, such an entity and caricature only exists in both social media and on television that we, as a society, typically consume, and guess what? You’re only trying to look like the perfect Christian versions of “angels” while also doing the opposite behind closed curtains of both self-development and self-help/love communities.
(A/N: Alrighty, I’ve vented enough about this, so let’s move on to the next part, shall we?)
How Disabled and ND (etc.) communities have put in hard-earned effort to strive towards liberation and freedom in the concept of “systemic change”
Disabled and ND (etc.) folks have fought hard for systemic change (in the short run during this era of late-stage capitalism), such as continuous efforts to protest, lobby, and riot for universal healthcare including the Disability Integration Act.
To summarise before continuing, the Disability Integration Act (DIA) is a legislation that is bipartisan and that is based on civil rights as a method to address and tackle the fundamental concern of people who need Long Term Services and Supports (LTSS) while being forced into institutions and losing their necessary human rights. This crucial piece of legislation builds on the 25 years of hard-earned work that is aimed towards abolishing institutional bias while providing Elderly and Disabled persons with home and community-based services (referred to as HCBS) as a humanitarian alternative to institutionalisation.
To give off a small sector of Disability history in the U.S. (as I am Canadian), let’s first start off in the 1960s During Present (or D.P.). In the 60s, the Independent Living Movement was established to protest for reducing institutionalisation of Disabled persons and for the Americans with Disabilities Act to be forced through U.S. Congress. To demonstrate the issue with inaccessible buildings, Disabled individuals had to crawl up the steps of Congress. Throughout history, Disabled individuals have won systemic changes that can aid anyone who’s experiencing burnout from both an ableist society and from both self-help/development and self-love movements that only benefit someone temporarily (not permanently, unless the concepts of self-help and self-love come naturally for you and as long as you don’t force them onto anyone, then you’re free to go [to those in which both help them with life in general]).
For example, if burnout was a result of someone’s health concern(s), they could legally ask for beneficial accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
How Disabled and ND (etc.) methods of developing coping tethers/mechanisms have been appropriated by the very same abled and NT societies that have continued to screw them over
Let’s be frank with each other… Self-care really is f*cking exhausting when it gets to this point. However, it’s more than the capitalist, abled, and neurotypical white versions that have benefitted privileged people of those groups for centuries.
Self-care is more a double-edged sword than something that’s “helpful” for most of the time, and it goes both ways.
- A person making accommodations for themself (i.e., to-do lists, reminders, breaking tasks down into pieces, asking for help, etc.) so they would manage to finish tasks (translation: task completion).
- A person needing to stop expecting themself to do all the things they want to do, but referring to themself as “lazy” if they are unable to do the things they feel like they need to do.
Disabled, ND/Autistic, d/Deaf, HOH (Hard of Hearing), Mute, Chronically ill, and/or Plural (people who are essentially comprised of multiple systems or a group of headmates who are essentially their own people) folks have come up with their own coping tethers that can vary from person to person and do not have to look the same for anyone. Hell, they’ve got plenty of experiences feeling like they’re “lazy” for not being “productive” as society expects them and us to be. Society also tells them that they’re “”burdens”” to society, especially when it’s actually hard to work by capitalist, abled and neurotypical standards.
I legit wonder what the actual f*ck happened to forgiving oneself? Was that supposed to be freeing or was I supposed to find out that it’s only preached by society to make itself look good under an “”empowered”” and “”self-loving”” façade by myself without anyone telling me?
Abled and NT people can’t continue to borrow from Disabled and ND (etc.) culture while they also treat us as if we’re “disposable” (another example of erasure and eugenics, folks /sarcastic and blunt), since Disabled and ND communities have contributed to society in very real ways (also including d/Deaf, HOH, Mute, Plural, Chronically ill, and Autistic folks because they’ve done a sh*tload for society, yet society still doesn’t thank them for the hard effort they put in for it to survive under capitalism), and that should be both acknowledged and recognised. To put this in a brief way, this is exclusion and a contradiction (society preaching about their self-care, self-help/development and self-love bullsh*t, while they’re also ableist and capitalist behind the backs of everyone and also while they police and tone-police how people cope with capitalist realism in general) of what was originally intended to help people spite ableism and/or capitalism (self-care), while normalising the detrimental attitude that abled and NT people “”know”” what it is like to live in a world that was never made for us in the first place.
Wellness, Self-Help/Development and Self-Love being Ableism in Angel’s Clothing
The wellness, self-help/development and self-love communities originally had good intentions for helping us at first, because the thought of them along with the seemingly beneficial messages they bring on the surface sound very… empowering and promising, like a homeroom teacher at a cram school promising their students that they will do well in the next exam if they continue to “work hard”. However, it’s only like this at the surface, because in truth, no one has even questioned those promises, or why one is blaming themself for something that was never even their fault in the first place. When those communities put out hollow promises and words of self-empowerment, it’s convenient for them to market concepts that are subjective (not necessarily objective) in a person’s drive to achieve a “better” self and well-being while also ignoring the circumstances and late-stage capitalism that sends out mixed messages towards us. It’s like those communities place punishment, accountability and blame on a person for how they are instead of being forgiving like how someone would forgive complete strangers easily than those closer to them and those that they’re emotionally, mentally, and/or psychologically (etc) attached to. Both mainstream society and mainstream white fauxminism (‘fake feminism’) have a tendency to be ignorant of ways wellness, self-help, self-love and self-improvement are exclusive of Disabled, ND, and Chronically ill (etc) persons, which ties both ableism, and self-care/love together. While some aspects of all three communities have aspects with mainly good intentions (i.e., taking time for oneself, establishing beneficial boundaries that serves one well, etc), they always sell a romanticised and aesthetic definition of what’s “productive”, what’s “healthy”, and what’s “empowering” that not every single person fits into. Those movements and, in those cases of movements, privileged communities, is detrimental and poisonous to Disabled, ND and Chronically ill persons since they’re not considerate of the varying needs from Disabled, ND and Chronically ill communities, and not all wellness-based concepts are accessible to every person.
All that I am asking for (I can’t speak for others since it isn’t my position to do so)… is that wellness, self-improvement and self-help/love communities and movements focus more on healthcare liberation and reform, re-evaluating the current terminology (i.e., coming up with better alternative to words that don’t demonise and blame Disabled, ND (etc) and Chronically ill persons and that don’t assign morality to one’s actions while navigating friendships and relationships, such as the now overused words “work on”, “healthy/unhealthy”, “love yourself”, and more), and to focus on overthrowing social structures before we re-shape them into uplifting us and all people. However, we need to ensure that the basic human needs of others are also met in return.
How Grind/Hustle Cultures are also interconnected with self-help/improvement and self-love industries and communities
Most people read phrases such as “no excuses” and that the “only thing that is stopping you from becoming the amazing and better you is your negative attitude” as examples of the human “tough love”, but there’s much more to this. For example, there will be physical and mental (etc) feats that our bodies and brains aren’t capable of doing anymore. There will also be places, social circles, including settings that are a threat to our mental health and ourselves. There will also be times where we are forced to prioritise rest and sleep over everything else, because if we don’t, then there’s consequences to pay, and those consequences aren’t worth “”pushing through”” as some white privileged and NT people say.
The Hustle/Grind and Fitness “self-help” messaging is one of the sources of societal, social, and medical ableism. There’s some fitness groups that prop up “cure [insert disability/neurotype] now!” or something along the lines of that including inaccurate, but real-life and subjective examples of Disabled, Chronically ill, and ND folks exercising to effectively sh*t on other Disabled, ND, and Chronically ill folks for not doing something similar to exercise. There’s the often debunked belief that the limitations of others are a result of our “attitude”, but not physical conditions and/or our neurotypes that create conditions for exercising to be difficult (varying from person to person), which dismisses the lived experiences of Disabled, ND and Chronically ill folks.
This messaging method of shaming people into doing something that their future selves would “thank” them for is intricately connected into abled and NT society, while painting one’s disability/neurotype as “”laziness”” and still attempts to keep us guilty in not engaging in society the same way as many abled and NT people interact with society.
This depicts another societal belief that if we can’t “mask” to the abled and NT standards (determined and created by abled and NT people), then we’re not “”trying”” to become a “better” person, to have better “health” (only possible through a person’s own coping tethers that keep them rational and anchored), and/or to perform “well” enough.
There’s the complex actuality that is also a living contradiction to this since even the efforts of abled, singlet, hearing, oral, and neurotypical people are NEVER the same at all, ergo the minimal amount of realism (or lack thereof) involved in expecting Disabled, Chronically ill, Plural, ND/Autistic, d/Deaf, HOH and Mute (etc.) to “behave” in a way that pleases abled and NT societies.
The ideas of productivity and what being “productive” looks like already ties in to generating profit/income more than aiding someone in being accepted, collectively loved, and appreciated for who they are, because it focuses more on a person’s “function” in society and how they’re able to “perform” work, whether it’s external effort (school, the workforce, activism, etc.) or if it’s internal effort (confronting internalised biases one was socialised with/ has grown up with, attempting to live with or forgive themself, examining their own internalised bigotry that was never their fault to begin with, but is expected to always be fully responsible even though we can’t always be fully accountable for this, etc.).
Nakita Valerio [an award-winning writer, academic, researcher, and Muslim community organiser from Edmonton, Canada] said this:
“Shouting ‘self-care’ at people who actually need community care is how we fail people,”
This quote is specifically true because if we continue to preach and expect everyone to “”work on”” themselves, along with “loving” and “empowering” themselves… We’re doing more harm than we should to people who actually need community care, collective healing and therapy that is NOT specialised in CBT or in any traditional therapy values that still continue to be ableist towards others, since expecting all of these from others is NOT a living example of one using their own free will and their subjective decision-making to feel comfortable in doing this. Expecting others to “”empower””, “”work on”” and “love” themselves doesn’t do any good at all (it’s like putting on some aesthetic band-aid that doesn’t solve issues that stem from both ableism and capitalism, but only solves internal concerns one has temporarily).
How we, as one large community comprised of subcommunities with similar experiences, can reclaim mental health from those who’ve stolen it from us
As Alexis Takahashi [from the third podcast episode of “Transforming the Medical Industrial Complex] has stated in her perspective about how society has conversations around mental health, the way we even speak about it is demonstrated in the over-glorified, but detrimental “importance” of having a friend group and a social support system (which not only is exclusive, but others any Disabled/ND/Chronically ill person from making friends who at least have a shred of human decency), while expressing her ND brother’s experience of it being extremely difficult for him(which is an in-real-life example of how isolation is another method that shows how humans understand the medical industry and overall health, because isolating a concern and the person dealing with their concerns is how they’re denied access to forming relationships until one is fully “healed” with “self-love” and all other individualised ways that solves nothing).
In truth, the over-emphasis on individualised healthcare and therapy comes from the poisonous side of people who aren’t willing to be held accountable for the detrimental impact that society already has on people’s health and on mental health. For example, if someone is taking medication and/or therapy and said medication/therapy doesn’t benefit them, then it’s painted as their own fault rather than the failure of a community they’re in who was supposed to support and aid them, because that particular community is supposed to hold itself accountable for aiding the person to continue their own lifelong process of collective healing, rather than someone who is perceived as accountable for their own health.
To end this off, being able to tackle both individual and community needs, including how institutional and historical systems have affected those needs is one thing we have to do and to participate in the decade/century-long process of doing that because it can’t be done overnight nor in the next few years/decades. We, as a community, have to focus on putting effort in that one thing towards liberating each other from those institutional and historical systems with more protests and riots, because riots and protests (while enabling each other to build on creating their own agency and self-determination to protect themselves as another form of community strength and resilience against a society that wants them dead for existing) actually get more done (let’s be frank, peace isn’t always enough, nor is trying to negotiate with any oppressive systems [i.e., social work, therapy, wellness, medical, law, etc.] going to save you) than trying to create policies that end up being ignored by privileged demographics who want to keep harming, marginalising, and killing people.
A/N: That was quite a wild ride of a topic, don’t you think? /sincere /genuine (yes, tone tags help loads with tone confirmation and helps clear up confusion on tones that can easily be misunderstood by others if anyone is curious)
I must admit, it took me a considerate amount of time to find some great articles that tie in well with the subject while also adding my own thoughts in!
If you feel that this article is something that you can share with people who’ve wronged you with their over-emphasis on the self along with their over-glorification of abled and neurotypical health and therapy that’s individualised, then this is the article for you. To my in-real-life friend, C, my online friends, my ArtfullyAutistic comrades, and to one of my online friends, A, all of this and with some of my thoughts, is for you. To those who are dealing with huge “buzz off!” mental health, self-doubt and self-hate battles, including battling with their internalised bigotry and/or biases and people/society are/is expecting you to “”empower yourself!””, “”work on yourself!””, and to “”love yourself!””, this one is also for you.
With solidarity and anarchy,
A gremlin ravenet person and man who’s doing the best they can, but are also dealing with self-doubt, self-hate and with internalised bigotry/biases battles because you’re not alone ❤.
References:
Davidson, J. (2021, May 15). Goop Isn’t The Problem, Ableism Is. The Mighty. https://themighty.com/2017/08/goop-wellness-gwyneth-paltrow-ableism/.
Dizexplainstheuniverse. (2020, September 8). WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT ABLEISM IN WELLNESS. Tumblr. https://dizexplainstheuniverse.tumblr.com/post/628709183440797696/we-need-to-talk-about-ableism-in-wellness.
Elizabeth, M. (2021, February 11). The Inherent Ableism of Being “Productive”. HLS. https://hacklibraryschool.com/2021/02/11/the-inherent-ableism-of-being-productive/.
Moore, L. (2019, January 11). Whenever We Talk About Burnout Culture, Include Disabled Folk. healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/disability-burn-out#Ultimately,-theres-value-in-borrowing-from-disability-culture-but-it-has-to-be-an-equal-exchange-.
Pasha-Robinson, L. (2020, October 13). Opinion: Wellness Culture Is Ableism In Sheep’s Clothing. HuffPost UK. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/chronic-podcast-wellness-culture-ableism_uk_5f855a5cc5b6e5c320033d94.
Radin, S. (2019, May 31). 6 creatives on how to make self-care more inclusive. i-D. https://i-d.vice.com/en_us/article/gy4wm9/6-creatives-on-how-to-make-self-care-more-inclusive.
Sallow, A. (2020, December 2). No Excuses: The Ableism in Grind Culture. Medium. https://medium.com/disabled-with-dignity/no-excuses-the-ableism-in-grind-culture-176ae3b3ce49.
Su, A., Park, K. J., & Takahashi, A. (2019, January 5). Ableist Constructs of Mental Health. Free Rads. https://freerads.org/2016/05/23/micpod_pt2/.
For more information if interested:
DIA. (2019–2021). Disability Integration Act. http://www.disabilityintegrationact.org/
University of California in Berkeley. (2010). The Disability Rights and Independent Living Movement. The Regents of the University of California. https://bancroft.berkeley.edu/collections/drilm/
Su, A., Park, K. J., & Takahashi, A. (2019, January 5). Ableist Constructs of Mental Health. Free Rads. https://freerads.org/2016/05/23/micpod_pt2/.
