Neurodivergence
The Day I Was Diagnosed Brought a Surprising Realisation
I expected to have a completely different reaction
June 18th was Autistic Pride Day.
I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD on June 18th. I was half expecting the former — it’s the result of several years of very intense soul-searching and contemplating and two years of waiting for a very thorough evaluation. The latter was a complete surprise to me.
When I thought about it before, I thought I will cry about it. I thought I was going to think of it as a big deal. I battled mental illness for my whole life. But this is not “just” an illness anymore, it’s a disability. I would be a disabled person.
This uncomfortable feeling has been fermenting in my head for years, growing in size. For years I have told myself one moment that I was clearly autistic, the next that I clearly couldn’t be, and I freaked out.
I thought that after my diagnosis, I’d write something like this:
“I found out today that I’ve been playing my whole life in the “hard” mode without knowing it. And I have been comparing myself to people who have this game called life set on “easy”. Wondering why I can’t catch up to them. Feeling inferior.
