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Why do gender reveal parties cause more harm to Autistic/ND, Trans and GNC folks than good?

Photo by Isabella and Zsa Fischer on Unsplash

Origin(s) of detrimental gender reveal parties

“Who cares what gender the baby is?” She said in a Facebook post made in July. “Assigning focus on gender at birth leaves out so much of their potential and talents that have nothing to do with what’s between their legs” (Blunt, 2019).

“Stop having those stupid parties. For the love of God, stop burning things down to tell everyone about your kid’s penis. No one cares but you” (Hope, 2020).

Gender reveal parties and how they continue to protect and uplift intersexism/perisexism, cissexism, heterosexism and the colonialist gender and sex binaries

“It’s not just to do with gender,” she adds onto her honest and factual statement. “What if your child is born disabled or doesn’t fit into a particular version of what a baby or child should be?” (Blunt, 2019).

How those gender parties have impacted the environment in a detrimental way while also intersecting with social (etc) and societal consequences of the gender binary

“The popularity of gender-reveal parties speaks to how powerful and central this binary is to our sense of identity,” She states. “Still, they make me a little queasy. By collapsing gender expression, gender identity, and sex, you’re doing everyone a disservice, because no one buys into the whole package all the time.” She then adds to her previous statement (based on her lived experiences). “You’re especially doing a disservice to those who are intersex or transgender, who must spend their lives explaining it. It’s frustrating that this is now a commercialized ritual, when it can be so alienating” (Stopyra, 2017).

“It’s important to be aware how much we project onto children, especially in terms of gender, because it can be so rigid, so harmful,” Lindahl expressed (Stopyra, 2017).

“And there is something to be said for the communal aspect of sharing something meaningful with friends, which I don’t want to downplay. But there’s self-celebration taking place here as well. We can link this to narcissism and individualism” (Stopyra, 2017).

How those parties reinforce the gender binary and also prevent Autistic/ND folks in exploring their own gender(s)

“Myths like these often lead to treacherous outcomes. For example, proponents of traditional gender roles often cite them to argue why “a woman’s place is x.” When challenged, they often state that they didn’t make up these roles — that instead, they’re embedded in the building blocks of life” (Pagonis, 2016).

“A real feminist is intersectional, an anarchist human being, one with a strong sense of humanity and has sincere support towards others and/or for many causes, not being actually mainstream nor uncritically weaponising mental health language to make themselves seem saintly than they actually do, unlike Rowling and other white/mainstream fauxminists (‘fake feminists’)”.

-The author himself, 2021 D.P. (During Present)

Final Thoughts

If you do those things to your own children, then you’re the one destroying their relationship with you and they’ll have to cut you off and not want to think about interacting with you ever again for their own safety and well-being once they move out from your home because you, yourself, are the one who’s destroying their trust and their security with you, NEVER the other way around, EVER.

You are valid, you’re not and never will be alone, you are loved, and most importantly, you deserve to liberate yourself, others around you, and to keep fighting against this f*cked up binaristic system because there’s plenty of trusted people, SpIns, and a lot to be fighting for!



This Publication is for all who are Autistic and for those of our kind. It is for the Neurodivergent, for those on the Spectrum of all Gender Identities, the LGBTQ*, and all others who are justifiably non-conformant to Society’s harmful marginalization and Ableist views of us.

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[They/He/Xe]|Autistic| This is a safe space for you to read in the comfort of your home! You can find my ko-fi at: