Lessons Learned From Being Alone
At the end of the school year, I had a really hard time being alone. If I wasn’t studying or working on a project, I would immediately go call up some friends and see who was free to hang out. And if nobody was free, I’d find myself checking social media incessantly, hoping that somebody had tagged me in something, or searching for somebody to chat with. I was scared of being alone. I would feel lonely, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
What I’ve discovered over the past month and a half of living alone in Ann Arbor, though, is that being alone and feeling lonely aren’t even close to synonymous — being alone is not a requisite to feeling lonely, and one can be very much alone without feeling lonely at all. Here are some of the things I’ve learned from being alone this summer:
Being alone is amazing
Being alone is amazing. You do whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want. You don’t have to worry about pleasing anyone. You don’t have to worry about scheduling times that work for everybody. You don’t have to make plans, and then adjust them, and then adjust them again before asking yourself if your plans are ever going to work out.
You know what your schedule is, and especially if you have regular work hours instead of the hectic and sporadic demands of student life, you get out of work and have a huge block of free time! Don’t be afraid of boredom. You have too many passions, hobbies, curiosities, and goals to be bored.
Time alone is the best time to sit down and focus on personal goals (or maybe get up, depending on the goal). Ultimately, boredom is a function of lack of momentum. Once you start making progress on your goals, you’ll be hooked.
Solitude is a RESOURCE
For students, the school year is a very busy time. If you have a group of good friends, it’s easy to spend any available free time you have with them. After all, your coursework is stressful, and your friends are fun — it’s almost as if you’re not making a decision here.
But as I look ahead to the upcoming school year, I think it’ll be necessary for me to learn to say no to these casual hangouts. I have gotten done SO much in a month and a half, and have been so incredibly productive while still being stress-free. Some things that I’ve been working on on a regular basis this summer:
-Start learning web development (online classes are a godsend)
-Workout 3–4x a week
-Do a short yoga session 3–4x a week
-Learn to play the guitar (found for $30 on Facebook, a steal)
-Explore lots of new music on Spotify and Soundcloud
-Read books
-Read articles online
-Go for evening walks and take pictures (summer in Ann Arbor is beautiful, some of my favorite pictures attached)
I have never felt so productive in my life. And it feels so good to be learning things at a steady, relaxed pace. No pressure from exams. Minimal distractions, besides Facebook memes and Youtube videos. Maybe the fact that I didn’t have WiFi at my apartment had something to do with this — I had to go to the library if I really wanted to surf web, and by the time I got there, I figured I might as well do some work. And if I was too lazy to go out, I’d just read or play guitar.
The only sacrifice I made here was frequent hangouts. Which, to be fair, is something that’s really important — it’s not something I plan to cut out of my life completely. But a couple of months to get to know myself and my interests better has been incredibly rewarding, and I know that I’ll have plenty of time to mess around with friends once school starts (at the cost of my productivity, and maybe GPA…)
You need time to recharge
If you’re like me (introverted at heart), spending time with people is exhausting. After a full day of work in an energetic office, I’m tired, and I need to recharge. I need some me time. Which is not to say that I don’t enjoy these social interactions; I love spending time with people. It’s just that I can’t do it all the time. And I’ve found that about a 50/50 split of my waking time (~8 hours around other people, ~8 hours alone) is productive and sustainable. It’s a great mix for me.
This definitely varies person to person, and if you’re a lot more energized by spending time with people than I am, maybe something like a 70/30 or 80/20 split is better for you. But I do think that no matter who you are, you’re going to benefit from spending time alone on a regular basis to reflect on recent events, sit with your emotions, and get some nice, peaceful rest. Maybe on a daily basis you don’t get to block out a solid chunk of personal time — I’m going to be living in an apartment with 5 other guys next year and sharing a room with one, and I already know it’ll be a struggle for me to do so. But try to be deliberate about being alone once in a while, even if just for one focused hour a week (a Schulz hour).
At the very least, you don’t want to be in a position where you fear being alone, like I was. It was a major weakness in my mental game and certainly one that held me back at times. There’s strength in solitude, and when you start to learn how to harness it, it’s an amazingly empowering feeling.
You know, after writing all this, maybe the conclusion I’m really coming to is that as a student, I strongly prefer summer to the school year. My life feels a lot more manageable, I’m stress free, and I have a great social-personal balance. But still, I stand by the assertion that learning to spend time alone productively is a massively important thing to do, one that can vastly improve your quality of living.
