Recalibrating my life using one simple word.

Twelve months ago, I was completely overwhelmed…

Every night of the week. Something was scheduled.

Important things, too. Things where I (still feel like I) was changing people’s lives for the better, investing in lasting relationships, and growing personally as a leader.

But it was too much. And I was crashing.

If you’ve spent more than 12 minutes with me, you’ve heard me quote Andy Stanley. He’s made a profound impact on my life, and I consume as much of his content as I can.

On my way to work one morning, I was listening to an episode of his leadership podcast — and I just kept thinking…

“How did he do it?”

How did he get to the point of being able to communicate with such clarity — without burning out? How did he find a way to inspire countless audiences — while keeping a strong marriage? How has he achieved such a level of success — without completely ruining his life?

Then it occurred to me.
He decided to.

Whether we call it getting through the Dip… putting in 10,000 hours… being focused and intense… or intentionally pursuing less… there is unquestionable wisdom in 1) identifying the small handful of things that are most important in our lives and 2) deciding to say “no” to everything else.

I know enough of Andy’s story to tell you that, at any point, he could have allowed himself to be distracted by a multitude of options and passions. But instead, he made it a daily discipline to say “no” to everything but the most important things.

So that’s what I started doing. Over the course of 3 months, I dropped a bunch of commitments, disappointed a lot of people, and got my life back.

I hope you intend to leave a mark on the world.

I know I do. But the bitter news for all of us is that “intending to” isn’t worth much, is it? It’s our direction, not intention, that determines our destination. So instead of making a millimeter of progress in 50 different directions, what if you put the same amount of effort toward 5 directions?

For me, that means saying “I’m sorry, but no” to things like:

• Working on the weekend, and 99% of all extracurricular activities related to work. I could spend an hour talking about “the why” behind this… everything from the power of consistency to the psychology of cognitive rest. Bottom line: I LOVE my career, and I commit 50 uninterrupted hours a week to work that matters. On the heels of that, committing 24 uninterrupted hours to my family has never felt unreasonable. Does protecting this time cause problems for me at work? Sometimes. But my family is more important, and this is one of the most important ways I prove it to them.
• Dinner plans with most people. I don’t want relationships that are a mile wide and an inch deep. I want to know and be known, which means spending the majority of my time-with-friends with the same friends.
• Anything that involves leading anything else. I lead at home, work, my men’s group, and my house church. That’s a lot of leading. And it’s enough.

If you don’t resonate with what I’m saying here, then you’re in a lot healthier place than I was 12 months ago. Please, for the sake of your sanity, build a huge fence around the things that are important to you so that your priorities remain in order.

But if you are in a similar place that I was, my challenge to you is to take some time to identify which direction you want the trajectory of your life to be pointed toward. Then do the hard work of saying no to anything that doesn’t push you toward that preferred future…

You too, can get your life back.