Member-only story
Occulture Vultures
Get Your Talentless Hands to Draw Biblically Accurate Cherubs
All you need is a tiny bit of confidence and even less skill
We’ve all been there. Your grandmother passes away and you’re tasked with painting a picture of Cherubs for the funeral. You’re confident in your Cherub painting ability, so you put brush to canvas without an ounce of fear or foreboding.
Only, you paint something dumb like this:
You reveal your painting at the funeral home, and everyone laughs. Their laughter turns to rage. They chase you around the parking lot with sticks and hammers. The funeral director agrees to toss your body in with your grandma’s for no extra charge. You’re beaten unconscious and thrown in the coffin, and awaken several hours later and several feet below ground.
Your grandmother’s embalmed corpse is your only source of food. Oxygen is your prime concern. Unfortunately, you didn’t realize that until after you began stress-eating.
Oh well.
After a couple hours you Kill Bill yourself out. Your life in this town is over…
