The Year 2017 In Music

A lot has happened in the world of popular music in 2017. Shania Twain and Kesha celebrated triumphant returns to the spotlight, Rachel Bloom’s TV series Crazy Ex-Girlfriend reinvented musicals, and Ed Sheeran miraculously got away with misogyny.

To honour the defining musical moments of the past year, fellow music addict Jacqueline Bashaw and I have chosen our personal winners in ten different categories. So without further ado, let’s take a look at some of the best, some of the worst, and some of the most annoying music of 2017.

Category 1: Best Song

Christoph: “Havana” — Camila Cabello feat. Young Thug

… because nothing beats that irresistible “havana ooh-na-na” hook, because midtempo is finally interesting again, and because the song’s rise from unloved promo single to mega hit is a true cinderella story.

Jacqueline: “Believer” — Imagine Dragons

… because I’m a believer that Imagine Dragons just keeps getting better each year. The lyrics, the melodies, the instrumentation. “Believer” is also a contender for most overplayed, but I’m not even mad — I’m still singing along when it comes on the radio.

Category 2: Best Album

Christoph: I Hope You Don’t Mind Me Writing — Lucy Spraggan

… because this masterpiece marries ingenious lyrics with catchy-as-hell melodies, making you dance all the way to the pub and then cry your eyes out on the way home. (By the way, yes, that video is from 2016, but the album was released in January 2017. I checked it twice.)

Jacqueline: Just The Beginning — Grace VanderWaal

… because how did she make every song so unique and amazing? She’s literally thirteen years old. It’s not fair. Check out the cinematic stunner “Florets,” the uplifting and fun “City Song,” or the emotional “Escape My Mind” if you need some proof.

Category 3: Best Music Video

Christoph: “Love” — Lana Del Rey

… because sometimes less is more, especially when ‘less’ involves people and cars floating in outer space. The way this video builds up is flawless. It fits the song perfectly and is without doubt the pinnacle of Del Rey’s visual artistry.

Jacqueline: “Love Kernels” — Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

… because I just love abstract symbolism, and, more importantly, because I lose it every time Rachel Bloom pretends to be a hamster at 2:00.

Category 4: Best New Artist

Christoph: Una Healy

… because she transitioned from girlband starlet to amazingly talented singer-songwriter and dropped one of the best albums of the year with The Waiting Game.

Jacqueline: Frances

…because her voice is so, so lovely, and she used it to craft one of the best albums of 2017. When your album only has one less-than-stellar song on it, you’re doing something right.

Category 5: Best Comedy Song

Christoph: “Let’s Generalize About Men” — Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

… because all 3.6 billion men are horrible in the same way— except gay men, they’re fine. Seriously, though, three words: costumes, choreo, subject matter. Oh, and also the giant glitter spray can at 2:30.

Jacqueline: “The Moment Is Me” — Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast

… because if watching cynical, unemotional Heather sing and dance through an inspiring musical theater number chock full of clichés won’t make you laugh, nothing will. But don’t worry — if Christoph and I have not convinced you to watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend yet, we’ll just have to try harder next year.

Category 6: Best One Direction Spawned Solo Artist

Christoph: Niall Horan

… because he doesn’t waste time trying to be so edgy and so raunchy and just concentrates on making properly good folk-pop music. (Let’s face it, Louis Tomlinson’s music is also better than expected, given that we expected absolutely nothing from him.)

Jacqueline: Niall Horan

… because if you just listen to this cover of Julia Michael’s “Issues” you’ll understand. It’s my gift to you.

Category 7: Most Annoying Single

Christoph: “Shape Of You” — Ed Sheeran

… because it may be ‘catchy’ — and even that’s a stretch — but it’s so, so, SO badly written and so blatantly problematic that it hurts every single time you hear it, which was quite often this year, given that the media shoved it down our throats again and again and again and again and again and … you get it.

Jacqueline: “Weak” — AJR

… because the only weak thing here are these lyrics. Let’s not celebrate weakness, but instead set our standards a bit higher in 2018.

Category 8: Most Overplayed Single

Christoph: “Despacito” — Luis Fonsi feat. Daddy Yankee

… because ugh, I don’t have to explain this. It’s obvious, isn’t it?

Jacqueline: “Shape Of You” — Ed Sheeran

… because when my local radio station says they have the best variety around, they’ve apparently somehow forgotten that they’ve been playing “Shape Of You” four times an hour since January. Please stop. We need to stop.

Category 9: Worst Line

Christoph: “We push and pull like a magnet do.” (from “Shape Of You” — Ed Sheeran)

… because the simile is painfully basic and the incorrect grammar doesn’t help either. Seriously, why doesn’t this bother people? The record buying public works in mysterious ways. Also, we’re running out of videos to post for this song, so here’s a live version.

Jacqueline: “Like sweat drippin’ down our dirty laundry.” (From “Slow Hands” — Niall Horan)

… because no offense, but I really don’t want to hear about the sweat dripping down Niall’s dirty laundry.

Category 10: Most Likely Never To Have A Hit Again

Christoph: Xenomania

… because as brilliant as the British production and songwriting team are, the times in which they knew exactly what the record buying publics wants are long gone. They wrote and released two pop bangers this year, Nadine Coyle’s “Go To Work” and Mollie King’s “Hair Down”. Neither came close to becoming a commercial success, even though both were critically acclaimed. It hurts to say it, but the world doesn’t appreciate Xenomania’s magic anymore.

Jacqueline: Walk The Moon

… because even though they’ll hopefully prove me wrong, “One Foot” barely matches the majesty of “Shut Up And Dance,” and its companions on their new album What If Nothing aren’t much better.

And the big winner of 2017 is: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

… because you cannot go wrong with intelligently written parody music.

And the big loser of 2017 is: Ed Sheeran’s “Shape Of You”

… because if a song is popular that doesn’t mean it’s good.

So that was it: another crazy and magical year in music. Let’s see what 2018 will bring (it’ll bring a new Lily Allen album, so yeah, we should be cool).