Out Here.
On seeing yourself Now, and being amazed only by the simple fact of being here.
at the end of the day, i don’t know what any of this or that means.
hear
doing it
going
i’m
i’m only privvy to like
theseee Glimpsessss of meaning and significance.
and these are recollections of moments past.
S/O to these blessings: amazing, beautiful, riveting & rigorous exchanges.
exchange of ideas, training, theories, craft, strategies, affirmations and support.
they radiate a golden aura in my memories
but are like bread crumbs in the present.
i am propelled with blinders on
i am moving by the vital sense that my life’s traces of affectations are compounding and layering and stepping me forward
but what does it mean
What Could it mean?
don’t even really know what’s happening right now
in addition to what happened then
or what is to happen ahead
i live in pieces and cracks
i receive neighboring narratives that nourish the prism of my own.
i dont know what the outside of this looks like
the rear view is filtered, and objects are further than they appear
the crystal ball is useless.
what any of this is going to mean 5 years from now
10 years from now
i m p o s s i b l e to figure.
“you’ll see”?
i’m going through a creative crisis now
yes now lol
like yeah, it started Today.
Why today : i’m germinating the next work of art rat.
it’s dawning on me that my appetite is grabbing at all the tough stuff.
nothing shall be easy
everything will be new, again
everything for the first time, again
again again again again
anew anew renew renew a new
i’m going through a creative crisis. i’ll split in two. i’ll leave half of me behind and kick the rest a football field forward. i’ll spend a lot of time playing catch up. who am i? what kind of work do i make? CAN i make? WILL i make?
wow wow wow OW.
Pardon my drama keke
for some reason disembarking on a new vessel always make my spirit CONVULSE with the question: what is my fate
pass
pass
pass.