Can Women Have it All? A Review of The Pressure Cooker by Nkiru Oluimide-Ojo
Oluwadeaduramilade Tawak
Every too often, women face backlash for behaviour that appears to not conform to gender standards, and as Olumide-Ojo describes it in her book, these behaviours can be things as minute as a girl climbing a tree or as big as a woman wanting to do a “man’s job” instead of focusing on her husband and children as society dictates. Many women who are prominent and prestigious in their industries are also constantly asked variations of the questions: “Can a woman have it all?” This question is so common that it has spawned many books, TED talks, and essays including Anne Marie Slaughter’s viral “Can Women Have It All” in The Atlantic.
Olumide-Ojo’s The Pressure Cooker: Lessons From A Woman At Work, is an attempt to answer questions about how women of her status have managed to combine their family, especially as mothers, and their career, and how she has moved forward in her industry. Although the book is primarily targeted at women, some of the advice is generic and applies to anybody who is looking to advance in their career: develop yourself, take advantage of the resources available to you, ask for help when you need it, learn to communicate effectively, network, seek a mentor, be proactive. However, there is also pointed advice for women on how to handle sexism in the workplace, how to avoid the common mistakes that women make, and how to handle imposter syndrome.
It is refreshing that a book of advice by a Nigerian woman in the corporate world directly mentions sexism, sex discrimination, and the patriarchal society we live in as factors that can affect a woman’s ability to move forward in her career. Successful women often stick to the narrative that the journey to success for men and women is the same and that there are no unique or “limiting” factors that affect women’s journeys. Not only does Olumide-Ojo mention these factors, she also highlights how they can be subtle and gives examples with practical suggestions on how to handle uncomfortable situations. She is also honest, not taking the route that Nigerian women tend to go: “I still wash my husband’s boxers and cook his meals,” and other inane tales. Instead, she speaks about seeking help and employing staff to take care of the family.
Olumide-Ojo discusses how society can play up the struggles women face and the unconscious biases that propel negative attitudes towards women who are ambitious with their career plans or towards women who decide to take time off work to attend to their family’s needs or women who outsource help in raising their kids. As she writes: “I think that it’s not only mischievous and untrue, [stigmatizing women who rely on a support system] also aims to place a needless burden on women.” She touches on how certain actions are interpreted differently depending on the sex of the person who takes them.
The advice in the book is mostly practical and realistic (example: ask for personal time off without going into details about it), but can sometimes border on being glib. For example when talking about how to handle the guilt of being a working mother, she says “learn to balance your goals and be realistic about it.” And, unlike the aforementioned Slaughter article, Olumide-Ojo mostly glosses over the privileges that wealth have afforded her to make certain decisions as a working mother.
Although, Olumide-Ojo illustrates her points with stories from her own life, that of other women, and scientific research, it might have been more engaging to read more personal stories from her life for women to connect to. In addition, the way in which the stories were written and presented gave the impression of being too clean cut and impersonal.
Can women have it all? Maybe not, but, according to Olumide-Ojo, they can have all that matters to them by making choices that align with their personal goals.
About the author: Oluwadeaduramilade Tawak is a reader, writer, almost psychologist, and researcher. She has been published in The Naked Convos, Brittle Paper, Athena Talks, and Arts and Africa. She was the 2nd runner-up in The CREETIQ Critic Challenge 2017.
