Movie Review: Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Oh, boy. You know, the Halloween franchise has certainly had its ups and downs, with probably more downs. And this may be the lowest moment. It certainly is in the original franchise (I haven’t yet seen the Rob Zombie movies), and it makes the theatrical version of Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers look good in comparison.
Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is at a mental hospital because she went crazy after accidentally killing someone that wasn’t Michael Myers. That’s right. The ending to Halloween H20 is being retconned in the dumbest way possible. Michael Myers had switched uniforms with a paramedic but also crushed his vocal cords so he couldn’t speak. This then caused the paramedic to try to kill Laurie and also be able to survive getting hit by the ambulance and pinned against a tree. It’s something that would kill anyone other than a basically superhuman Michael Myers. It’s absolutely terrible.
Anyways, Laurie is I guess pretending to be crazy, waiting for Michael Myers to come and attack her. And he does in the opening scene. She traps him on the roof but for some reason needs to take off his mask to make sure it’s Michael Myers.
Two things here: 1. Does she even know what Michael Myers looks like? Has she ever seen him without his mask on? I can’t think of that ever happening with her. Sure, according to Halloween II, she had visited Michael as a kid, but those memories were repressed, and also Michael was like 12 probably.
2. Does it really matter if it’s Michael Myers or not? The guy’s trying to kill her.
Anyways, when she goes to check, he screws up, and Michael kills her. After Jamie Lee Curtis had a pretty great farewell to the series taken away from her, here she gets an awful one. Well at least she’s coming back, I guess.
What follows the cold open is really nothing short of embarrassing. The plot centers around a reality show run by Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in the Myers house.
The contestants, all horny teens and college students, are given their own cameras while viewers are able to switch between several cameras on the Internet.
The Myers house is apparently huge on the inside and has plenty of secret passageways and fake props that the contestants believe are real. I think it’s supposed to be a twist that the reality show faked these things. I’m not really sure.
Busta Rhymes walks around the Myers house in a Michael Myers mask, and eventually runs into the actual Michael Myers, who he thinks is another worker stealing his bit. It’s just terrible.
The characters all suck. Most of them are just vain and seek exposure. And then there’s Bud (Thomas Ian Nicholas, Rookie of the Year, American Pie), who’s just creepy.
With a movie this trashy and dumb, really all you can hope for is some fun kills and some good gore, and you don’t really get that either. The movie has so little to offer. There aren’t any likable characters, the plot is very dumb, like most of the Myers sequels it has a distracting amount of callbacks and references to the original film, and it has no genuine scares.
And on top of it all, the climax is perhaps the most embarrassing moment in a series that has plenty of embarrassing moments. In the house that’s now on fire, Michael Myers gets his ass kicked by a kung fu fighting Busta Rhymes, who has more than a few one liners.
I mean, sure, Myers isn’t dead. But let’s not forget that this is the way he went out in the original run of films. Or I guess not the original because The Curse of Michael Myers was the original run of films, and this is the first alternate timeline or something. I don’t know; this series is a mess.
Rating: 1/10
