Baby’s Guide to Civic Engagement in the era of Trump

  • If any adult tries to play “Peek-a-Boo” with you, don’t. THEY. ARE. TRYING. TO. DISTRACT. YOU.
  • Make your first words “resist.” Nothing would freak out Trump than hundreds of babies saying “resist” over and over again.
  • Choose breast milk. Big Formula funds a number of GOP Congressmen.
  • Put tape over your baby monitor. They are listening to you. The NSA would love to know the secrets of babies.
  • Try to not poop. Like ever. Methane and diapers are killing the climate and you have a chance to be the first generation in the history of EARTH to leave a positive carbon footprint.
  • Hug a robot. Because racism isn’t born; its taught.
  • If someone says “What sounds does a cow make? Simply reply, “Why are you asking me questions about Animal Farm? Shouldn’t we be talking about 1984?”
  • If an adult tosses you in the air say, “I’m ok with this because I know you are going to catch me. You see regulations are kind of like your arms. They make sure the inevitability of bad things don’t happen.”
  • DON’T BELIEVE IN THE TOOTH FAIRY. Craven Free Market Capitalists have turned your teeth into a commodity.
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