Non-Linear Alphabet!

Hello children! Time to learn your alphabet

But let’s do it in a way we’ll never forget

Letters can make any language work Harmoniously

But what if we recited the alphabet in a manner non linearly?

First, let’s start with S which stands for Splatter

Why go in order because in 2017 apparently nothing matters!

C sometimes sounds like S which can be confusing

There really is no rhyme or reason which I guess is amusing?

G is confident and borderline brash

G looks like C but with a mustache

When it come to vowels E makes the most impact

Every English word has a E and that is a completely true fact

5 is a letter that you should remember

Just kidding, 5 is not a letter it’s a stupid number

B stands for baby and it’s in that word twice

B is a Beta and can be off-puttingly nice

I is the shortest word and can be swell

But be careful because an uppercase I looks like a lowercase L

L stands for letter and it should not be missed

It also stands for Love which does not exist

O is a circle and can be a real hero

But watch out because they look just like zeros

Q is just an O with a line amendment

It’s always followed by U who is emotionally codependent.

A is cocky and is usually the star

It stands for Applebees, my favorite Grill and Bar

U is a friend and is always there for you

Sometimes when you’re drunk you see a W!

H stand for Home and can also stand for Heat

Remember, kids, Home can be a feeling as opposed to something concrete.

T is amazing and it stands for Twins

T looks like a cross, and Jesus died for our sins!

F stand for Fun and is a little sweetie

F is just an E who has suffered from diabetes.

M is a mystery just like Bill Murray

N is just like M except N is in a hurry!

V is fancy and is just a more formal U

It stands for my fav show at 10am central standard time: “The View”.

D is delightful and drink in it you can see

But if you drink too much then you will finally get P!

P is classy and too Proud to beg

R is just like P but with a weird extra Leg.

K is sneaky and does not start the word Crepe

K is like an X that looks more in shape.

We did it! Congrats! You know your ABC’s

We have gotten through all of them….oh yeah.. also Y and Z!