The Expectation of Motherhood
I don’t want children. This is something I have known about myself for a very long time. Growing up, I never played with baby dolls. I never wanted to be the mom when playing house. I’ve never experienced “baby fever.”
Despite this, I have been told by family members that I will change my mind when I’m older. My grandmother insists I pass down her jewelry and scrapbooks to my future children. My ex boyfriend had mentioned his future kids when we were together. It is impossible to be taken seriously when I, a young woman, say I do not want children.
Motherhood is expected from me, and from all women. To reject this role we have been born into is seen as blasphemous. In our society, to become a wife and mother is to succeed — to fulfill your purpose as a woman. Well, I say that is not our purpose. Biology be damned. Motherhood is a choice and it needs to be treated as such. I’m tired of the assumptions and expectations.
It’s time for society to stop equating women and motherhood. The decision to have children does not make more or less of a woman. Children or not, we are our own people with our own names, thoughts, feelings, and beliefs: not just mothers. Discussions need to be had about the responsibilities and consequences that come with parenting. It’s important that we empower women to make their own choice and not simply follow a script written by a patriarchal society riddled with gender roles.
To say that being a mom is hard would be a severe understatement. Yet, perfection is demanded from them. Mothers must cook nutritious meals, have a clean home, maintain a beautiful appearance, take care of the children, and often have a career on top of it all. Of course, they are lucky if they receive any praise or recognition for this, because it is seen as “their job.” However when a dad lifts a finger, it’s time to break out the confetti!
Let’s acknowledge that, please. Let’s stop placing all the responsibility on mothers and start expecting more from fathers. Also, less criticism toward moms and more encouragement. Being a mother is not easy, so can we stop pretending like it is? The fact that so many people refer to it as a “thankless job” saddens me, and it needs to change.
To all the moms out there: I’m proud of you. To all the women who have rejected the role of motherhood: I’m proud of you. What matters is that we make our own decision. Honor this choice, but don’t let it limit your identity.
