Ashes Of Love Review And Rant Contains Major Spoilers.
This is a very detailed discussion about why Run Yu is not a good match for Jin Mi in the Chinese drama called Ashes Of Love — https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashes_of_Love_(TV_series).
I see that some of you who have seen the drama Ashes Of Love are suffering from second lead syndrome. I actually took a pass on watching it when it first came out because someone in the comment section on YouTube made it seem like Xu Feng had drugged Jin Mi and got her to have sex with him, which was not the case.
Another comment I have come across recently on YouTube by @shaya_ yoon got my attention. This is the link to the video clip I am talking about — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1pg48J4JHE. She made a long list, I am assuming she is a woman, about all the reasons why Run Yu should have been the one chosen by Jin Mi instead of his younger brother Xu Feng. I prefer to called Xu Feng, Phoenix. I hope I don’t confuse any of you reading this.
What Does Second Lead Syndrome Even Stand For?
Second Lead Syndrome or SLS is when you root for the second male lead in a drama and wish the female lead would choose him although you know that it wouldn’t happen.
In my history of watching Asian dramas, right off the top of my head, I can only remember feeling second lead syndrome in Boys Over Flowers. That drama is a mess but we are not here to discuss that drama today.
Now please understand that this is a discussion. I hope we can at least agree to disagree. I am in no way attacking @shaya_ yoon or the other people who have a different opinion than I do. You may have your reasons why you feel Run Yu is a better pick for Jin Mi. Xu Feng is the right choice in my mind. And if he was the second lead guy, then I would definitely be suffering from second lead syndrome.
Why @shaya_ yoon Thinks Run Yu Is The Best Man For Jin Mi.
Well….to this day I still think that Run Yu should get Jin Mi rather than Xu Feng….there is a lot of things that Jin Mi should consider about before accepting Xu Feng….
Part 1.
1) Xu Feng’s father raped Jin Mi’s mother.
2) Xu Feng’s mother is the reason behind Jin Mi’s mother death.
3) Xu Feng’s mother is the one who instigated the peacock lady to killed Jin Mi’s father and her kind stepmother.
4) Xu Feng can’t even protect or defend Jin Mi when she being harassed by his mother.
5) Xu Feng always get all he want since kid compared to Run Yu….attention, love and stuffs.
6) Run Yu never being selfish, help and support Xu Feng in every corner, he just being selfish about wanting Jin Mi, who actually his fiancée since birth.
7) Compared to Xu Feng, Run Yu help Jin Mi a lot of time and defend and protect her from Xu Feng’s mother everytime Jin Mi got harassed.
8) Run Yu’s mother suffered the same like Jin Mi’s mother and eventually killed by Xu Feng’s mother too when Run Yu were just about to reunite with his real mother.
9) And when Jin Mi stab him because of misunderstanding, he almost died but Jin Mi suffer much more greater and use everything she can to save Xu Feng, even exchange her sight to save Xu Feng which result in her color blindness that very important for a Flora Immortal….yet Xu Feng just sulking away and tortured her heart instead just to vent his own heart….
I vote Run Yu from the start…..if Jin mi spend a time with her father and stepmother more, training to be flora immortal, be strong and serve the Flora Realm as her mother did and it is her duty actually……gain more experience and get rid of Yun Elixir and think about love later……everyone will have at least a satisfying ending……
But no, she prefer think more about love and Xu Feng think more about what his heart want rather than what best for Jin Mi and Run Yu who being selfish for once to the extent of going so low in everything just to get Jin Mi……..the only one I feel the most is about Water Immortal who just trying to be a good father, yet lost his life……..urrrggghhh this is upsetting me again~~
Part 2.
It does play your emotion a lot especially when you feel the distressed of the 2nd male lead (Run Yu) that from the most dignify and benevolence person to the lowest of the low creature just because he want to be selfish just for once in his life……
It just my personal opinion about the 2nd male lead who didn’t get the girl he want and stay alone until the end….but it also the price he need to pay for going astray in effort to get the girl…….
Part 3.
I mean if she had to be with either one of them, then Run Yu is the better choice because he at least understand the same pain as Jin Mi because their birth mother also killed by Xu Feng’s mother and both of their mom is being treat badly by Xu Feng’s father……
And at the same time, he is legally Jin Mi’s fiancé since birth…..
Afterall, Run Yu always being treated badly by Xu Feng’s mom since he was taken away by her from his own mother, but he still in good relationship with Xu Feng, supported him in every corner, treat him like his own little brother and never jealous or being selfish toward Xu Feng….
The only one time he is being selfish is just for one reason which is to claim his right to be by Jin Mi side as her fiancé…..and he also help Jin Mi from Xu Feng’s mother from time to time……..
Both suffer great deal to get Jin Mi, but Xu Feng’s suffering the most between the 2 after he lost Jin Mi also is his karma for him when he can’t choose between Jin Mi and his Mother when his mother is clearly the bad one…….not to mention that Jin Mi also lost her father and kind stepmother that she just reunited with, also because Xu Feng’s mom…..
So, although they share the same father, they have a lot differences in term of status and respect in the heavenly palace, Xu Feng always the eye candy and admired by whole realm and Run Yu is being mocked from behind and nobody even want to serve on his side because they all know he got no affection from the Empress…….except that one girl who stayed with him until the end……..
So, if…..just if she had to choose either one……in my opinion, Run Yu is better….he also gone astray and do bad thing because of Jin Mi herself, just because it is the first time in once in his life, he want something for himself and he willing to abandon everything for her…..
Xu Feng also willing to do everything for Jin Mi, but he always hesitated because of his mom…..
I know it is fantasy, but if we look in reality perspective, Jin Mi is better off with Run Yu who share the same sentiment and willing to do anything and abandon everything for her……Just my 2 cent of opinion~~~
Why I Know Phoenix Is The Best Man For Jin Mi.
1. If Jin Mi can’t be with Xu Feng because his father raped her mother, then the same can be said for Run Yu. Run Yu and Xu Feng have the same father. Or did you forget that?
I am not convinced for one minute that Run Yu was not going to rape Jin Mi on their wedding night. He is the exact replica of his dad in that respect. Instead of letting a woman go who does not want you, they rather force themselves on that woman and then call it love.
2. It is true that Xu Feng’s mother is the cause of Jin Mi mother’s death. That still has nothing to do with Xu Feng. He should not have to suffer for the mistakes made by his mother’s hands.
And if you are determined to use that as an excuse, then it applies to Run Yu as well. Xu Feng’s mother is his stepmother and she is the one who raised him too.
3. Yes, Xu Feng’s mother instructed Sui He to murder Jin Mi’s father and his wife. Once again that is no fault of Xu Feng. He told his mother several times to leave the woman he loves alone, but she still insisted on having it her way.
Let’s not forget again, she is also Run Yu’s stepmother. Another point that applies to him as well.
4. What do you mean by Xu Feng cannot protect and defend Jin Mi? Like I stated up above, he stood up to his own mother and warned her more than once to leave Jin Mi alone. He told her that killing her is killing him too. He gave Jin Mi the feather to protect her from attacks. He even stood in front of her to stop his mother from hurting her any further.
But his mother hold so much hatred in her heart towards Jin Mi’s mother that she projected all that hate onto her. Not even her husband, the heavenly emperor could put a stop to her tyranny.
If you are going to use that excuse, it applies to not only Run Yu but Jin Mi’s father as well. Where the hell were the both of them when Jin Mi needed their protection from Run Yu’s stepmother?
5. If you paid attention to what Xu Feng said, he made it clear that he has gotten everything yes but he never wanted any of it. The only time in his life that he wanted something was when he fell in love with Jin Mi.
Once again you are blaming him for something that was way beyond his control. Xu Feng is not a snub. His parents might have spoiled him but he was very humble to a fault.
6. Run Yu was not only selfish at wanting Jin Mi but he wanted the throne too. While I do agree it rightfully belongs to him, certainly not the way in which he went about getting it. He used Jin Mi to kill off his competition. How can you in your right mind deem him fit to be with this woman?
Jin Mi is not Run Yu’s his fiancée. This is one part of the storyline that has me confused AF. The agreement was to have Run Yu marry the Water and Wind Immortal’s daughter. And correct me if I am wrong, but the Wind Immortal is not Jin Mi’s mother. Therefore she is in no way obligated to fulfill that marriage contract.
7. Run Yu showed up one time only to defend Jin Mi from his stepmother after Xu Feng was already there. Therefore you can’t give him points for that and count his brother out. What goes for one, goes for the other too.
8. Yes it is true that Run Yu’s real mother suffered by the hands of his stepmother. But what does that have to do with Jin Mi? Why must she marry him because of the suffering their mothers both went through? What does that have to do with them falling in love?
9. If someone killed you and you are unaware that this person brought you back to life, would you be so quick to forgive this person? I bet the last dollar in my bank account that you would not want to be anywhere near that person. Xu Feng was not sulking, his reaction to Jin Mi is pretty normal because of being betrayed by his lover. The man was utterly shattered and in pain because the one woman he loves tricked him and stabbed him in the back.
When he was holding his last breath when he asked her if she ever loved him and she said never. Don’t you remember him expressing how painful his very last moment before dying was? That image and heart break was stuck in his head. You can’t expect him to just roll over and forgive Jin Mi like the whole thing never happened. It is unfair of you to expect otherwise. He is entitled to his feelings. He’s not a robot.
10. If the Flora people wanted Jin Mi to take over as the new leader, then it was up to them to provide her with said training. Instead they kept her locked up in the Water Mirror and ignorant about what the real world was all about. She didn’t even know that men and women have certain body parts that are different from each other. What the hell have they been teaching her for the past 4,000 years? Her not wanting the position of leader is their fault. They never even tried to groom her to take over one day. I don’t blame her for having no interest in the job.
Why does Jin Mi and Phoenix have to follow in the footsteps of their parents? Who made up that rule? All they both want is their freedom, not the dictates that others are forcing on them.
If you look at the ending, they both choose to live in the human realm and live a quiet, normal life. This is what they both wanted. Having to lead their clans was never a desire either one of them had.
Run Yu on the other hand always wanted to be seated on that throne and now he has it. Little did he know that it is very lonely at the top. He should have asked his dad and his stepmother about that before he took the throne by force from them.
11. I actually do not feel bad for Run Yu at all. This is not to say that I have never felt sympathetic towards a character who does a lot of evil things in the name of love. I certainly have. But in this case, my heart strings are just not being pulled in his direction.
12. Once again stop referencing Xu Feng’s father. Him and Run Yu have the same dad. You keep ignoring that very important fact and I don’t understand why that is. It almost as if you refuse to accept that they both have the same dad.
And just because Run Yu and Jin Mi mothers suffered at Run Yu’s stepmother’s hands, does not equate to them being a perfect match. I have to ask if you know anything about love.
13. She is not his fiancée. I talked about this up above already.
14. Xu Feng treated his big brother with the utmost respect. This is exactly why he told him he is better suited to take over as the heavenly emperor and he was going to help him get the throne no matter what. But Run Yu refused his little brother’s help and killed him off using the hands of the woman madly in love with him.
15. Stop using all the evilness that Run Yu’s stepmother has done as the reason for Jin Mi to not be with the man she loves.
16. And speaking of the girl who is still by Run Yu’s side, she loves him with all his heart, yet refuses to give her chance. What is wrong with her? Nothing the last time I checked. Here he has someone who genuinely loves him but all he does is to keep being obsessed over his brother’s wife. That is not right.
17. Run Yu is no good enough for Jin Mi. And it is not Xu Fen’s fault that his parents treated Jin Mi’s mother badly. Run Yu should have let Jin Mi go from the start because he knew she was in love with his brother. When you love someone you want to see that person happy even if the one who can make that person happy is not you.
18. I guess you just want to ignore the test of the Sincerity Stone. If Phoenix and Jin Mi were not a destined match, the Sincerity Stone would not have lit up like a Christmas tree.
You can go on and on about how Run Yu is a better match for Jin Mi, but he truly isn’t. He never was and he will never be the better choice for Jin Mi. I have a ton of reasons I will list below.
19. Run Yu used Jin Mi for his to get the throne by force.
20. Run Yu used Jin Mi to kill his own brother.
21. Run Yu used his beast of dreams to spy in Jin Mi’s head.
22. Run Yu pretended that he was in love with Jin Mi in front of her dad and asked her dad to break off the engagement so he can be with Jin Mi. He pretended as if he didn’t know they were father and daughter.
23. He is so conniving and cunning. That’s why Phoenix’s mother should have been his biological mother. They are both just like each other.
And because she could tell he was exactly like her, this is why she had to scheme to make sure her son got the throne instead of him. He was blood thirty for the throne all along. This wasn’t a new desire that popped up on him. This was something he wanted his whole life.
24. If Run Yu truly loved Jin Mi, he would have let her go so she can be with his brother.
25. Run Yu and his brother Phoenix could have worked peacefully together and get his ass on the throne. That would have been a happy ending for all involved.
26. Run Yu killed the people who raised him for the throne. He didn’t do that for Jin Mi, he did that for himself because he is greedy.
27. Run Yu broke several promises to Jin Mi. And when she pointed them out to him, he told her point blank to her face that he never made her those promises. How can Jin Mi be happy with him when he is always going back on his word? This proves that he is not the man she can rely on in the future.
28. Run Yu insisted on forcing Jin Mi to marry him. Even after she was already married to Phoenix. Why is he trying so hard to break apart two happy people in love with each other just so he can have his way?
29. Run Yu locked Jin Mi up in her bedroom to prevent her from leaving the palace. She is a grown ass woman. Who the hell is he to try to stop her from coming and going as she pleases?
30. Run Yu had his plan to overthrow the throne from the start but never had the opportunity until he found out who Jin Mi’s dad was, then he knew he could use this to advantage. Opportunity had finally come knocking at his door.
31. Run Yu has no clue what love is all about. Even Jin Mi called him out on this. This is pretty apparent from all the things he did just to achieve his own selfish means. He did not care who he had to hurt in the process to get exactly what he wanted.
32. Run Yu realized that Jin Mi is an airhead and likes everyone no matter who it is. This is why he got her to say in front of her dad that she likes him knowing fully well that she only liked him as a friend the same way she liked everyone else just so her dad would not call off the engagement.
I blame her dad for dragging on the engagement too. Even after Jin Mi told him more than once that she no longer wished to marry Run Yu, he kept telling her to think it over. Had he allowed her to marry Phoenix, so much of this shit could have been avoided altogether.
33. Run Yu deliberately healed the cracked in the Yun Elixir just to stop Jin Mi from loving his brother. Why couldn’t he just tell her about what was inside her body and allow her to make her own decision?
34. Run Yu never told Jin Mi the truth about who murdered her dad and his wife just to get her to kill his brother for him. He is a coward of the highest order.
35. Run Yu lied in front of the heavenly emperor about how him and Jin Mi were in love with each other, knowing fully well that her heart belonged to his brother only.
36. Run Yu’s dad finally realized that he was an exact replica of him and knew right then and there it was mistake to get involved with his mother. Run Yu’s dad used Phoenix’s mother to help his get the throne from his brother and as soon as that happened he was ready to discard her.
Run Yu probably would have done the same to Jin Mi once she was of no more use to him because he is just like his dad. It’s only because Phoenix was resurrected that he wanted to prevent them from getting back together.
37. Run Yu knows how important the Flora people are to Jin Mi yet was going to kill one of them each day just to force her to return back to him. How can he love Jin Mi but insist on hurting the people she loves and cares about the most? People that have never lift a finger to hurt him first. What are his intentions here? To kill everyone that Jin Mi loves so the only person left in her life is him. Why would you want to inflict that kind of pain on someone you love and cherish?
38. Run Yu said that he does not want to fight as long as Jin Mi came back and marry him but was instructing the soldiers to start fighting as soon as he grabbed a hold of Jin Mi. If he does not want a fight, then why show up with the whole army? How does that even begin to make sense?
39. Run Yu lied to his uncle stating that Jin Mi and him planned everything together to get the throne and get rid of his brother. He knows damn well, none of this is true. He is damning Jin Mi’s name so other people will turn their backs on her.
40. Jin Mi begged Run Yu to let her go and he outright refused. When someone wants out of your life, you let that person leave so they can find their happiness wherever it may be.
41. If Run Yu really loved Jin Mi, he should have put everything behind him and go live a peaceful life with her instead. As you can see, the throne is what he as truly after.
And now that he has the throne and no Jin Mi in his life, now he realizes his biggest mistakes. Too late for you buddy.
42. After learning that Phoenix and Jin Mi are already husband and wife, Run Yu does not turn around and let it go. It was at this point that he should have finally acceted that he would never have her. But no, he wants to kill every member of the Demon clan just to force Jin Mi into marrying him. That is not love.
43. Run Yu loved accusing his brother of being obsessed with his wife even though him and Jin Mi were only engaged to each other. Yet after she is reborn 500 years later, he deliberately drops by to ask her if she is happy. So if she is not happy what is he going to do, steal her away from her husband? Seems to me like he is the one with all this obsession.
44. After Run Yu asks her to come back with him and she said no, that was the moment for him to let this all go. But no, he is very insistent that it in his way or no way at all. I will repeat again, that is not love.
45. Run Yu has been to the demon realm twice all on his own to collect Jin Mi. He did not need a whole damn army backing him up those other times. Why does he need them now when he can just do what he did before and come get her?
He came there with the intention of killing his own damn brother, who by the way has done him no wrong. Why continue to do things that he knows will make Jin Mi more miserable? After all that she has been through, you would think that he would let her have some semblance of happiness now instead of trying to wipe out all the people she loves. I guess she is not allowed to love nobody else but him.
46. Run Yu is forcing a marriage on her that she has clearly expressed she does not want. Why anyone thinks this kind of behavior is cute is beyond me.
47. Run Yu did not abandon anything for Jin Mi. He only used her to further get what he wanted and that was to become the new heavenly emperor and get revenge on the ones who wronged him. In the process he wronged Jin Mi and that disqualifies from getting her hand in marriage.
48. Run Yu knows Jin Mi does not love him and instead of setting her free, he prefers to force her to remain by his side.
Phoenix however always put her first. He did not hesitate once for Jin Mi. He almost died to protect her in all the way back in episode 8.
I don’t know about you, but I could never be with a man who I know does not love me nevermind force him to stay with me regardless of how he feels.
49. Run Yu made Jin Mi sign the marriage contract and never bothered to explain to her what the hell she was signing her name to.
50. Run Yu did not trust Jin Mi, this is why she was spying on her dreams and sealing her up in her bedroom with a magic spell. He is using his power to muscle arm Jin Mi into doing what he wants her to do instead of her letting choose which man she wants to be with.
He does not care one bit about what’s best for her. The only thing he sees as being best for her is him and him alone.
51. Even when Jin Mi was suggesting to Run Yu if they could cultivate, meaning having sex because she has no clue what sex really is at this point, he still didn’t take the time to explain to her what the difference is between having sex and cultivation. Why would he want to keep her dumb about something so important?
52. Run Yu even drugged her out the night before the wedding to prevent from running away and sealing her up once again in her bedroom. If he trust her so much, there would be no need for all of this.
53. For you people who think Run Yu is oh so perfect for Jin Mi, you are refusing to acknowledge the jealousy and abusive qualities that Run Yu has.
I should know because I once dated a guy who was very jealous. Abuse is something I will never put up. I rather die first.
I dipped out of that relationship faster than a speeding bullet. This makes me question what the hell you people think love and romance is really all about cause this is not it.
54. I know some of you feel sympathetic towards Run Yu because he is a lonely soul. But having a woman by his side who does not love him and definitely does not want to breathe the same air as him, is not going to cure his loneness. In fact it will only make him feel more lonely.
While he has no qualms to kill his own brother to have Jin Mi, his brother never had those sentiments towards him.
55. I am the daughter of a woman who has done a lot of bad things in her life. But I should not have to suffer for all her wrong doings. That falls on her head and her head alone. This doesn’t mean that I should forfeit my right to have the love of my life just because my mother is a rotten person to the core.
To the people who want to use Phoenix’s mother as the excuse for him not being good enough for Jin Mi are delusional. He is not to be blamed for all the evil his parents have committed. No one has the right either to hold him accountable for those things.
When You Love Someone, You Do Not Force That Person To Bend To Your Will.
1. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you own that person.
2. Just because you love someone it does not mean that that the person is obligated to love you back.
3. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you do everything you can to force that person to be with you.
4. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you manipulate that person to achieve your own selfish ends.
5. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you get to decide where that person can go and when they are allowed to go.
6. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you force a relationship on that person when it is clear they don’t want to be with you.
7. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you lock that person up like they are a common criminal.
8. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you watch their every move because you have no trust in them.
9. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you keep that person away from the one they really love.
10. Just because you love someone it does not mean that this person is not allowed to change their mind about marrying you.
11. Just because you love someone it does not mean that automatically gives you the right to control them.
12. Just because you love someone it does not mean that you keep that person away from the one that really loves them more than you do.
@shaya_ yoon has her reasons for seeing that Run Yu and Jin Mi are a good match. He is in no way the right match for Jin Mi.
Not in my eyes though. And the evidence is pretty damn clear. Run Yu made his bed and now he gets to lie in it all alone.
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1. How To Attract Your Sweetheart In Time For The Holidays? How You Can Use The Law Of Attraction To Manifest A Special, Specific Person; Manifesting Romantic Love (Dating And Relationship Advice For Women Only) — https://amzn.to/38gIyyO
