A Long List of Gay Hookup Lingo

Dear Hank:

I’m a guy of a certain age who only managed to come out as gay a few years ago. Being able to be who I really am is what makes me very, very happy.

Now I know I have a lot to learn about our gay world. Last year I downloaded a couple of those gay hookup apps — Grindr, Scruff, Mister. (Don’t worry, I’m not going hook up until this pandemic is over.) It’s been great texting with guys I meet on there (who share some pretty hot pictures.). But the way guys talk on those app sites is a little confusing. “Sup?” “Into?” “Generous?” “PNP?” What do those really mean? And how should I respond? I think you should create a gay dictionary.

App Addled

Dear App Addled:

First, let me congratulate you for coming out and now really getting to enjoy your life. There is a lot to learn about the gay world, but one thing you seem to have figured out pretty quickly: Grindr, Scruff, and Mister are sex hook-up apps, not the “social networking apps” that Grindr has been trying to bill itself as.

So be wary of that guy whose profile says he is in a monogamous relationship and who is on Grindr at 3 a.m. looking to meet up for coffee and discuss books or the Oscars (Starbucks is closed at 3 a.m.)

But let’s get to the “point” (on Grindr “point” means 1/10th of a gram of T, the most-used term for meth, although some call it “ice” or “speed” or “crystal.”)

Here’s a list of questions and terms you’re likely to find on gay hookup sites and what the guys using them are really trying to say:

420 friendly = Likes to use marijuana. If you have some, he will join you.

[+] = HIV positive.

[+] / U = HIV positive with an undetectable viral load, which means the virus is so suppressed that it’s highly unlikely that you could become infected by having unprotected sex with him. But the problem here is, can he prove it?

Bear = A guy who is hairy, and proud of it.

Bug chaser = This describes a guy who is HIV negative and says he is looking for someone who is HIV positive to infect him. If you are HIV positive and you comply, you can consider yourself a “gift giver.”

Chub = A guy who describes himself as a chub is overweight and likely happy about it. There are guys who aren’t chubs who are infatuated with those who are.

Clean = A term used by those in the drug and alcohol recovery community to mean they aren’t using anymore. But it also can be used by someone to say he isn’t HIV positive, and that’s seen as an insult by guys who are positive, who will remind that guy that they do shower regularly.

Daddy = A term used by a younger man (who wants to be dominated) to describe an older man. But “older” is relative in this situation. A 22-year-old might describe a 30-year-old as Daddy. And a 30-year-old might describe a 60-year-old as Daddy.

DDF = Drug and disease-free. Someone who doesn’t use drugs and isn’t HIV positive. (But does he have syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia?)

Discreet / DL= On the “down low,” not “out” or comfortable with going public about his sexual orientation. Often this guy won’t send face pics to keep his identity private.

Dom/Sub = You can be one, but not the other. The Dom (aka dominant) is the guy in charge. The Sub (aka subordinate) is the one who does what the Dom tells him to. But remember, if you’re a Sub you need to agree on a safe word that you can scream when the Dom goes too far.

Father/Son = A kink in which guys of dramatically different ages have sex while fantasizing that one is the son and one is the father. To make this work, you’ll have to say “son” or “dad” while you’re doing it.

Femme / Fems = A guy with feminine characteristics, a “queen” or “qween.”

G = This means GHB, or Gamma Hydroxybutyrate, one of those dangerous gay party drugs.

Generous? = Whether or not you state your age, someone asking this question assumes you’re a “Sugar Daddy” and is going to want you to pay for sex. My response? “I’m a Splenda Daddy. Sweet but cheap.”

Hairy? Smooth? = Some guys have a fetish for a hairy body. Some guys like it smooth. There’s a type for everyone!

Hey Handsome! = A term that suggests he’s interested based on what he sees on your profile. The next thing he’s going to ask is “unlock?”, which means he wants to see your naked pics.

Host? You Host? = Host? or You Host? is a guy’s way of asking if he can come over to your place. He likely has a roommate or lives with family that wouldn’t welcome a trick knocking on the front door. “I Host” is your way of saying “come and get it.”

Hung? HH? = What size is your penis? (HH means “how hung?”) Scientific research has found that the average size of an erect penis among American men is six inches. But pretty much everyone exaggerates when asked.

Into? = What’s your sexual preference (top/bottom/vers/other) and what are your kinks?

It's Complicated = If that’s how he defines his relationship status, he’s likely to be a handful. Married and cheated on his hubby? Married and cheating on his wife? In a “monogamous” relationship but looking to stretch the boundaries?

Jock = That doesn’t mean he's wearing one (a jockstrap, I mean). But it means he sees himself as someone who acts like an athlete, masculine and into fitness.

Let's Get to the Point = Caution! This is a term that usually means “let’s inject meth into ourselves or one another” (the needle is the “point”). And you should know that methamphetamine is one of the most dangerous and addictive drugs ever.

Looking? = Are you looking for a hookup?

Marry me! = Lesbian. Keep moving.

Masc = Masculine, “straight-acting,” a guy’s guy.

More pics? = Everyone has one good photo. You better have more from this decade. And your private pics should include one of your butt (if you’re a bottom) or your genitalia (if you’re a top).

Musc= Muscled, fit.

Neg4Neg= HIV Negative, looking for HIV Negative men.

No Agenda= Not looking for anything specific. Open to having fun, making friends, chatting, dating, etc. Whatever comes.

No Taps = A guy with this on his Grindr profile is telling you not to click that “flame” icon on the bottom of his profile. It’s easy to tap, and some guys do it over and over without ever following up with a text message. Recon’s version of the tap is a “cruise,” and it only lets you cruise a guy on its app once every 30 days. The Scruff app lets you send a “woof” by clicking on the dog foot icon. Once you’ve woofed a guy, your only other option to communicate is by sending a message or unlocking your nudies.

Non-scene = Not into the stereotypical gay scene. Doesn’t like gay clubs, gay bars, showing off his six-pack, wearing Rounderbum’s butt- and crotch-enhanced underwear.

NSA= “No Strings Attached.” Not interested in a relationship or getting to know you. Use it in a sentence: “Looking for NSA fun.”

Party? PNP? = Are you into using drugs? (PNP means “party and play” — using drugs and having sex at the same time.) Don’t mistake this for an invitation to a Christmas or birthday party, unless it’s going to be a drug-infused one.

Raw? = He wants to have sex without a condom.

Safe? = He wants you to use a condom.

Scat = This is a term used by a guy who is looking to have sex that involves fecal matter. Not a common one, for obvious reasons.

Stats? =He’s looking for info that isn’t in your online profile (height, weight, age, body type, relationship status, fetishes, other interests.)

Stud! = You have definitely got his attention if he texts you that.

Sup? Whassup? or What’s up? = He’s looking. You can answer this with a pic or a query (e.g. Top? Bottom? Vers?)

T = This means methamphetamine, the most dangerously addictive drug in our gay world.

Thanks = If that’s his only response, you should move on.

Thx = Move on more quickly.

Top? Bottom? Vers? Side? = The sexual position you prefer (and “vers” means you’re open to both.) If you’re a top, you want to slide your penis into your sex partner’s anus. If you’re a bottom, you want that penis in your ass! But increasingly guys are identifying as “side,” which means they’re not into anal sex, as a top or bottom.

Twink = A gay boy (and sometimes an actual adult) who is effeminate, which might be exhibited in the tone of his voice and the way he dresses and does his hair.

Woof! = He thinks you’re hot. On Scruff he (or you) can signal that with one click.

WS? = He wants to know if you’re into “water sports,” and that doesn’t mean swimming. Water sports is a kink that involves urine. He pees on you, or you pee on him. Or you pee on one another. By the way, urine isn’t sterile. However, it generally has fewer germs than saliva!

Hope that saves you from being addled with those apps! And I’ll get to work on that queer dictionary.

Your Gay Glossarist

Hank

Questions you can’t bring yourself to ask your gay friends and neighbors? Or maybe you’re just queer and befuddled. Send them to Hank@AskAGay.net. (Warning: The answers will be factually correct, but might not be politically correct)