Afghan4Adam? How to Quickly Spot Gay Hookup Site Catfishers
Dear Hank:
Like most of my friends, I spend too much time on Grindr and Scruff and Adam4Adam and those other hookup apps. I mean, it is the only real way to meet another guy, especially since many of the bars haven’t re-opened yet. But even with a pic showing off my abs and my big biceps and my identification as versatile, this 30-year-old guy isn’t getting laid that often.
I’m writing because a lot of the messages I get seem kinda fishy. A lot of the messages come from guys on Adam4Adam, one of eight hookup apps I have on my iPhone. Any advice on how I can keep from wasting my time (and wearing out my fingers) texting with someone who turns out to be a catfisher? I like fishing, and cats. But not catfishers.
Tommy Trawler (not Troller)
Dear Tommy:
I have had the same experiences many, many times. It’s not just us gay guys dealing with it. In 2019 the feds arrested five people in Georgia and Texas who took more than $2 million from two dozen people looking for love on Christian Mingle and other straight “romance sites.”
So how do you know you’re going to be scammed before you’ve spent 20 minutes texting back and forth? Here are a couple of tips:
— Location. All the hookup sites let you identify your location. I don’t mean your actual address, but what city you’re in and/or how close you are to the one you’re texting with. If a guy doesn’t give his location in his profile, that’s a problem. He just might be in Nigeria or Russia, “woofing” or “shouting” you because he’s looking to get some Benjamins from the US of A.
— Initial profile. I’m always wary when the first thing I read is that a guy is “looking for a permanent, loving and monogamous relationship with someone I can spend the rest of my life with.” On Scruff? Grindr? BBRTS? DaddyHunt? Adam4Adam? DILF? Recon? Really??? That’s a profile that belongs on Tindr.
— Stated location. So you decide to give the guy from who-knows-where a chance. Of course, now you ask him where he is. If the answer is “Afghanistan, on a peace-keeping mission” you’ve found your scammer. It’s one of the most common responses I’ve gotten from scammers. Some just state that they’re in your city, but when you ask what neighborhood, you don’t get an answer.
That guy on the peace-keeping mission (which is going to be a harder scam to pull off as Joe Biden pulls more US troops out of Afghanistan) will tell you he’s looking for a monogamous, long-term relationship and will be back in the U.S. soon. He’ll want to come visit you. (But he’ll need a PayPal advance to pay for that plane ticket. Or maybe he’s just looking for a little cash to buy you an engagement ring while he’s in Afghanistan.) A website named A Soldiers Perspective has taken a deep dive into military dating scams and has posted photos of real people used by catfishers.
Other scammers might claim to be in another city or state (or even an exotic European nation, like that American doctor working in Croatia that I had a DaddyHunt and then WhatsApp “relationship” with. He told me he had fallen deeply in love with me. He just needed a few hundred dollars to buy the ticket back to the United States.
Busted!
You should block the scammer and report his profile to the owners of the app you found him on. I’ve gotten so used to the “Afghanistan on a peace-keeping mission” statement that I respond quickly with a simple question: “How many people have you killed so far?” That usually brings the conversation to a halt.
By the way, I also find these scammers for the most part on Adam4Adam. Not sure what that’s about. Maybe they should consider renaming the app “Afghan4Adam”?
Yours in doubt,
Hinky Hank
Questions you can’t bring yourself to ask your gay friends and neighbors? Or maybe you’re just queer and befuddled. Send them to Hank@AskAGay.net. (Warning: The answers will be factually correct, but might not be politically correct)
