Arff or Barf? Should Gay Guys Join the Kennel Club?
Dear Hank:
Like most of my gay buddies, I love dogs. My dachshund is the love of my life, an animal I can count on to cuddle with when those homo sapiens flake. I’m even a member of Dudes with Dogs, that Facebook community (that now includes Chaps with Cats).
So, I was delighted when a guy I met on Scruff asked me to come over and play with him and his pup. I put a collar and a leash on my weiner and drove over to his place (carrying a few doggie treats with me.) When I stepped into his apartment, I was stunned at the breed of dog he had on a leash.
It was a guy in his 20s, with a leather dog mask on his face and what looked like a rubber or leather tail stuck in his butt. Otherwise, he was naked (except for some leather pads on his hands and his knees). On all fours, he barked at me and my pup and nuzzled my legs.
“Uh, sorry,” I said. “My pup gets frightened by bigger pups. I don’t think this is going to work.”
As I walked to my car, with my pup on a leash beside me, I realized I had found my way into the gay “pup” culture. It’s something friends have told me about. But honestly, I thought they were kidding.
So here’s my question Hank: Really? What the hell is this all about?
Weiner Lover
Dear Weiner Lover (and aren’t we all?)
Well, I hope you left those treats behind so the pup and his handler weren’t totally disappointed.
You found your way into one of the many fascinating subcultures of the gay world, a world much more diverse than that of the lesbians, the transgenders, and those “bye-sexuals” (which I’ll be discussing soon in my answer to another question.)
I learned a lot about the pup culture in 2017 when I hired comedian and videographer Ben Kawaller to cover the first annual L.A. Pup Pride contest. for GayLifeLA.com. Ben’s comedic video outraged some of the pups, who thought he was making fun of them. But it enthralled some gay men who, like you, thought a pup was just a four-legged animal recognized by the American Kennel Club.
No. A pup is a guy who likes to step outside of himself, leaving the stresses and strains of homo sapien life behind him. With a leather mask on his face (and, ideally, a waggable tail in his butthole), he can live in the moment, the way dogs do. He’s not going to be worrying about paying next month’s rent or about the argument he had with Mom a week ago. He’s going to be sniffing the air (and the necks, butts, and bellies of other pups). He’s going to be arffing (not barking), and looking for a handler he can count on to feed him, protect him, and discipline him when necessary.
Matthew Mullen, aka Ash-Tray Boner Kain, is a leader if not the leader of L.A.’s pup movement. His PupPlay.Info website is the ultimate resource for information about pup life. On that site, Matthew explains his pup life in great detail.
“My pup play headspace is an exciting place,” he says. “At first it was very sexual, and still can be at times. But beyond the sexual side, it is a beautiful and honest place for me to bask, and I feel more connected to my core when I am there. It’s pure freedom. Freedom from everything that ails my human mind. I can just live moment to moment and know that I am safe with my handler, and it becomes almost like a meditation. When the world is difficult, my pup side comes out and I will crawl into my cage and feel peace and serenity flow through me as a pup in a safe space. When another pup gets in the mix or I’m at a mosh, I see all the movement around me and it’s like I’m at an amusement park …
“To me, being a pup promotes a better side of emotional connection between beings. It simplifies all that is complicated in the mind and brings you closer to your primal roots. The intensity of the emotions and the natural response come without much happening in the logical mind, which causes a close emotional connection to the other pups and handlers around you. We relate by movement and stance, playing with toys and nuzzling, which are all body language and physical actions versus logic and cohesive analytical thought.”
The gay pup culture exists across the country. In Southern California, Mullin and his handler Dan Lovell (who owns the collar and holds the leash) are the forces behind pre-Pandemic shutdown events such as “Dog Pound” at Bullet Bar in North Hollywood. That’s a night where a pup can run around the floor on his hands and knees, barking, wagging that tail stuck in his butt, and chasing balls with his pup buddies. When he’s ready to relax, he can just roll onto his back and let his tummy get licked. Thirsty? He can find a bowl of beer on the floor.
So, you may be one of those guys who is more likely to barf than arff when you see a pup kneeling by his handler on your next gay night out. But remember, diversity is the charm of life (my alterations of a famous quote by Leo Tolstoy). Unless you are a conservative Republican, in which case you’d be better off holing up at home and watching Fox News than going on the sort of gay anthropology excursions that I enjoy.
Now, I need to go find my dog biscuits!
Hank (a Homo Sapien who also identifies as a Pit Bull)
Questions you can’t bring yourself to ask your gay friends and neighbors? Or maybe you’re just queer and befuddled. Send them to Hank@AskAGay.net. (Warning: The answers will be factually correct, but might not be politically correct)
