The “He-She-It” Storm Over “He,” “She” or “They”
Dear Hank:
This fight over referring to someone as “he” or “she” is becoming a “he-she-it” storm. I mean, I understand that transgender people want to be seen as who “they” say they are. But why can’t you call a man who has been castrated and gotten those testosterone injections a “she” if that’s what she wants? Calling a person “they” is damned confusing.
Your lesbian “she”
Polly Glot
Dear Polly:
The fight between LGBTQQIP2SAA people over how they want to be referenced has indeed become a “he-she-it” storm. (By the way, if you’re still struggling to understand what those LGBTQQIP2SAA letters stand for, take a look at this story.
Those who embrace “they” aren’t just transgender people (some of them do want to be referred to by the pronoun associated with the gender they see as theirs.) These days a lot of young people are embracing the “neosexual revolution.” The norms they are fighting include the pronouns we typically use to describe one another.
In my opinion, people should be able to define themselves any way they want. But I share your concern about the (mis)use of words like “they” and “them.” They are plural pronouns, which means they are used to refer to more than one person. Using them to refer to a single person can make a conversation (or a story in The Washington Post) very confusing.
So why can’t we come up with a unique word to describe those who don’t want to be identified by their gender? Sheila Michaels, the feminist and civil rights activist, did that when she wanted to use a word for “a woman who did not ‘belong’ to a man. She came up with “Ms.” ” The term really caught on in 1972 when Gloria Steinem used “Ms.” as the title of her newly launched feminist magazine. Today publications such as The New York Times use the word to describe women who prefer not to be identified by their marital status.
What would that gender-neutral word be? Rolf Dunås introduced the word “hen” in his native Sweden to describe those who don’t want to identify as “han” (“he”) or “hon” (“she”). However, “hen” is more commonly used in English to refer to the mature female chicken (the male version of which is referred to as “cock,” but let’s not go there in this discussion.) So “hen” could also cause confusion. A better option might be “Hän,” the pronoun used in Finland, which has no gender-specific pronouns. Then there’s the Hungarian “Ő” or “Maga” (and no, that doesn’t stand for Make America Great Again.)
There’s also “ze,” called out by the Wesleyan University student newspaper. At American University, ”ey” and “ze” and “per” are listed on the school’s pronoun guide. The University of Wisconsin’s LGBTQ+ Resource Center has a longer list.
Whatever the word, we English-language speakers clearly need something other than “they.” Languages exist to help us communicate with one another. Each word has a definition, so that when someone says “cisgender,” we know that he/she/they/whatever is referring to a sense of personal identity and gender that corresponds with their birth sex. And when someone says “stoplight,” we know that he/she/they/who? is talking about the fixture hanging over an intersection that was created to control the movement of traffic.
Thanks for raising this issue. Given that my birth name was “Henry,” I guess you can refer to me now as “Hen” (although my online Grindr profile identifies my gender as “truck driver.”)
Hank/Hen
Questions you can’t bring yourself to ask your gay friends and neighbors? Or maybe you’re just queer and befuddled. Send them to Hank@AskAGay.net. (Warning: The answers will be factually correct, but might not be politically correct)
