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Write the Perfect Conversation Starter: Follow this 3-Step Formula

Perhaps the most challenging part of online dating (after creating the perfect bio), is starting the conversation. And boys, this one’s typically on you. Girls are unlikely to send the first message, so the pressure’s on. And unless you look like Ryan Gosling, no girl is going to respond to your “heyyy”.

The first step to starting a great conversation is… Read their bio. Yes, it is that easy. If they don’t have a bio, welcome to the wild west- go ahead and shoot your shot, cowboy. But chances are, you can find some sort of information about her, and use that to create your opening line.

The secret to getting her to respond is… Evoking emotion. Starting the conversation with a “hey” or “what’s up?” will bore her. And no, feeling bored isn’t an emotion.

Creating an emotional response will make you more memorable, and her more likely to respond. So make her laugh with a unique pun or pick-up line, or surprise her by sharing a strange fact about yourself, even insult her with a playful remark– just do not bore her!

If you’re having trouble coming up with a unique pick-up line, or you’re just not the funny type, try using this formula to create a solid first message that makes it easy for her to respond to.

Notice Her

No, no, we mean notice her, not her body. The first message you send should show that you read her bio, looked through her profile, and thought about who she is as a person. This information about her will help you write a personal first message. Start your message with “Hey, I noticed that you…” or “You seem…”.

Relate to Her

What do you have in common? Conversations about a mutual hobby or interest are much easier to start and more likely to continue. Does she have a photo from a hiking trip? Noticing this, and then adding “I’ve always wanted to go hiking there!” will emphasize what you have in common.

Question Her

The final and most important piece of the formula is to end with a question. Just make sure it’s open-ended and won’t elicit a one-word response. So you’ve noticed her hiking picture, related to her about it, and now you ask her “How often do you go hiking?”. The conversation is now in her hands, and she can easily respond to your question.

The Final Result

Combine these three steps to create a personal message that shows you A) read her profile, B) can relate to her about something, and C) want to know more about her. If you can use this formula to evoke an emotion, even better.


  • “I see that you visited Paris! I went there last summer. So how do French guys compare to Americans?”
  • “Did you make that pasta in your last photo? It seems like you’re new to cooking ;) … Do you want me to teach you my grandma’s famous carbonara recipe?”
  • “You listen to Justin Bieber? I met him once at a bar, it was crazy. Do you wanna hear the story?”

Finally, make your message reflect your style. Add emojis or send a relevant GIF, anything that makes your message a little more you. Or, try downloading Cupido- an AI designed to improve your dating profile and provide you with personalized pick-up lines and conversations starters. Try these tips, download Cupido, and never miss out on a date again.



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