I hit a low point recently and felt like I was being swallowed up by defeat, shame, and worthlessness. I’ve been here before and it’s not pretty. My business crash in October 2020 had me curled up in a ball wishing the earth would stop revolving and please let me off.
I’m so tired. And I’m not getting any younger. I was starting to feel completely hopeless and done. So done. With everything. I wondered how much more I could take and how much more I would have to put up with in this thing called life.
Life is exhausting.
An open letter to myself
My go-to trick for healing my own pain is to always write a true letter, but normally they are addressed to someone from my past who hurt me.
This time it was addressed to me. I needed to remind myself that no matter what life throws at me, I can handle it. I needed to remind myself that I am strong and powerful and brave, regardless of how emotionally exhausting it is to be strong.
I’m tired of all the things that have happened and keep happening in my life to test my strength. I get it. I’m strong. Fuck off now. Please stop. I don’t want to be strong anymore.
I really just want to be happy.
Get it all out
Anyway, it’s time to get it all out. All the feels. The personal anguish, the professional frustrations, everything. It’s time for me to bleed ink.
Dear Me, Fuck you.
Fuck you for thinking you are not worthy of greatness. Why on earth do you think that you deserve anything less? What the hell is the matter with you? When are you going to start realizing that YOU are a perfect creation from the heavens here to live a brilliant life of true, real unconditional love, not only from yourself but from others too?
When are you going to stop settling for “less than” and start realizing that you deserve “more than”? What are you hanging on to from the past that keeps you stuck living in mediocrity? When are you going to let go of all the shit you were shown and taught in the past and start living in the true magnificence that you are?
Why do you keep lowering your standards? When are you going to raise the bar, draw that boundary line, hold your head up high and be epic? Oh, how I so needed to write this open letter to me. It’s so therapeutic!
You truly are unique and perfect. You truly are beautiful and amazing. Why won’t you show that to people and why won’t you let people treat you like the amazing person you really are?
Did you forget you’re not a doormat? Did you forget that all that shit that happened in the past needs to stay there? It isn’t who you are today. You don’t live there anymore. The stuff from the past strengthened you and taught you how not to be. When did you forget that?
The people in your life who treat you “less than”, why are they still in your life? Why are you hanging on to them? They don’t serve you at all (or deserve you). They don’t see your greatness and only want to keep you average. They don’t want you to be greater than they are. They love to chop you up and cut you down to their level. You’re not average. You are far from average.
You are magnificent, beautiful, and fucking amazing.
Stop being afraid to shine your beautiful bright light to the world for all to see. Stop being sheepish and submissive. You certainly know all the greatness inside of you. You feel it all the time. You know it’s there yet you still bury it and are afraid to live it.
Stop doing that. There’s nothing wrong or egotistical about showing off the true beauty of you. The world doesn’t want you to hold that in. The world desperately wants to see it, feel it, enjoy it and experience it with you. The world needs more healers, helpers, and lovers and that’s what you are, YET you still hide it and conform to other’s demands of you so as to not upset anyone.
If anyone is upset by how absolutely amazing you are, then they need to go. Get rid of them, Dump them now.
Hey me, fuck you for letting all those fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs from your past keep you back from the true love and brilliant life you deserve. You know those are yesterday’s stories, so why do they still live in today? You don’t live back there anymore, in yesterday.
You learned all the lessons, didn’t you? Didn’t you?? You know that most of everything you were programmed to believe is all lies. You know that! Lies.
You are good enough.
You are smart enough.
You are beautiful enough.
You are special and amazing enough.
When did you forget that? All those people who walked all over you and treated you like garbage, remember all those douchebags? They wanted to keep you at their low level. They didn’t want you to grow or expand or be awesome. They wanted to keep you sad, little, worthless, and afraid. (Bullies do that.)
You’re not there anymore and you’re not that person anymore.
Hey me, fuck you. Smarten up. Show the world who you really are. Show the world your true magnificence but most of all, show yourself some love for God’s sake.
Love who you are.
Love your journey.
Love the beautiful soul you are.
Love yourself more than anything else in the world.
When you do that, you show others how to love you too.
Stop settling for shit. You aren’t shit, you ARE the shit. Get it?
Hey me, I’m sorry, I love you, I forgive you.
Bartender, a Bloody Mary would be fantastic right now, por favor.
Peace and Love
xo iva xo