Enjoy Every Sandwich
When all is said and done, everything in life is temporary
A Game of Pool
Recently, I was having a phone conversation with Patty Furino, a dear friend of mine. She and her husband, Marco, recently moved to South Carolina from Long Island. Marco, an avid pool player, was competing against a friend at a local league event. She told me that he was winning game after game and was really feeling it. Patty disclosed that before the night ended, Marco was dancing and twirling his pool stick joyfully to a song by Warren Zevon, called Werewolves of London. She told me that Werewolves of London evoked memories for Marco of a scene from a movie called, The Color of Money, where Tom Cruise was dancing and twirling his pool stick in a similar fashion after winning a big match. Shortly after our conversation concluded, I began to reflect on what I believe was Zevon’s greatest work, one that arose from his own end-of-life chapter.
The Wind
Warren Zevon was a brilliant, and from my perspective, often overlooked American songwriter and musician who made many memorable recordings during his lifetime. A charming irreverence and sardonic wit were characteristic of many of his songs and his attitudes about life and end of life. He was a man who accepted himself for who he was, faults and all.
Well, first of all, let me say that I might have made a tactical error in not going to a physician for 20 years. It was one of those phobias that really didn’t pay off. Warren Zevon
Zevon was diagnosed in 2002 with inoperable mesothelioma(which is a type of cancer, affecting the lining of the lung). He died on September 7, 2003, approximately two weeks after his twelfth studio album, The Wind was released. He was fifty-six years old.
The Wind was one of the first albums that I purchased following the death of my eighteen-year-old daughter Jeannine in 2003. Jeannine’s cause of death was also cancer.
He was accompanied on The Wind by a cast of all-star musicians including Don Henley, Ry Cooder, and Bruce Springsteen. It was an opportunity for them to be a part of what would turn out to be Warren Zevon’s final contribution to the world of music. I believe it was also an opportunity for them to attain closure to the end of their earthly relationships and to leave nothing left unsaid.
The outpouring of support that Zevon received reminded me of something that occurred during my daughter Jeannine’s last hospital stay. One evening, she had what seemed to be an endless stream of visitors. In fact, there were so many, that I had to observe the proceedings from just outside of her hospital room. What struck me is that Jeannine had one final episode of lucidity and alertness during these visits. Cancer had robbed her of her autonomy and spirit, but for those last beautiful moments, Jeannine was the daughter that I had remembered, the one who unconditionally had my heart and my soul.
The universe had given Jeannine one last opportunity to connect with everyone whose lives she touched in her short eighteen years on earth and to leave nothing left unsaid.
Keep Me in Your Heart
Hold me in your thoughts; take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
All of the songs on Warren Zevon’s final album touched me in some way, but “Keep Me in Your Heart” was the one that by far had the most impact.
Keep Me in Your Heart was the final song on The Wind. It was his poignant request to be remembered, if only for a little while, by those whom he would leave behind. It was also a touching reminder that he would never be far away from those who kept him in their thoughts.
One factor that contributes to our fear of death is our concern that we will be forgotten once we leave the earthly plane. But for the many grieving individuals that I have spoken with, their loved ones forever live in their hearts. They passionately share the memories and stories of their loved ones with those who are willing to bear witness. Their loved ones now not only live in their hearts, but in the hearts of others.
Keep Me in Your Heart was also one of the first songs that I listened to after Jeannine’s death that spoke to the importance of maintaining continuing bonds with our deceased loved ones as a way to navigate our grief.
Cherish Every Moment of Life
This excerpt was taken from an interview that Warren Zevon did on the Late Show with David Letterman on October 30, 2002, shortly after his diagnosis:
“You know, you put more value on every minute…I mean, I always thought I kind of did that. I really always enjoyed myself. But it’s more valuable now. You’re reminded to enjoy every sandwich, and every minute of playing with the guys, and being with the kids and everything.”
Zevon’s reflections remind me that everything in life, including life itself, is impermanent. These reminders are not just exclusive to death, but to other events such as divorce, job loss and destruction of homes due to natural disasters. All of these events are sober reminders that everything can turn on a dime, unceremoniously and without warning; to cherish each moment that we are alive.
Many who witness these events discuss how they really “put things in perspective and now understand what is really important.” I believe that it’s more important for these occurrences to change our perspective rather than just put things in perspective. Change implies that we are willing to embrace a different philosophy of life by either integrating new beliefs with our existing ones or modifying our existing beliefs. As a result, our behaviors align with our new perspective.
Many are also ambivalent about change, because of fear of the unknown and letting go of behaviors and attitudes that once served them well. But once we let go of our fear of change, we can discover what life truly has to offer and make a positive impact on those who cross our paths. In the process, we leave a lasting legacy to those from whom we will eventually depart.
