How to Win the Dating Game
6 plays from the cheat sheet to get ahead in relationships
The guy who won’t go away, and you don’t really want him to. Isn’t it a beautiful irony when it happens?
He’s the guy you can’t shake. The one who hangs around for months, years even, but nothing ever materializes, yet he’s OK with that. He knows nothing but friendship may ever come of it, but he still wants to hang around and remain loyal.
HUH?
You’re the one calling the shots and he’s the one playing along. You’re the one keeping him at a distance and he’s the one who’s willing to stay put for as long as it takes.
You can maneuver him any which way and he likes it. In fact, he doesn’t mind letting you figure it all out because the decision’s all yours. He sits by waiting, glad even, just to be part of your life.
You’re probably thinking “What fucking planet do you live on? Because I don’t know ANYBODY like that here on earth.”
This isn’t that common, as evinced by all the single women who don’t have anyone to date, much less anyone hanging around at her whim. I mean, I’ve had a ton of guy friends like this, but that’s me. #humblebrag?
Instead, the all too common story today unfolds like this:
Dear Professional Relationship Expert Lady,
I’ve been reading your advice articles for months now. I’ve done all the things you said I should do, like not being too forward, not trying to rush things, and not being too anxious.
I’m attractive, smart, with a great career, my finances are in order, and everything on paper checks out. But I’m still single! I’ve been patient long enough. I’m so frustrated I’m ready to start pulling my hair out! I can’t find a decent guy!
I go out on a few dates and just when everything seems to be going well, POOF the guy disappears! Then I’m back at square one.
What’s wrong with me? Help!
Signed,
Miss Discouraged and Ready to Give Up
I can tell you in the last two days alone, I’ve come across more articles on numerous relationships sites describing this same situation than I can count. This is what women are faced with these days, or so they think.
They think they’re doing everything right and playing the dating game by the book.
Well, they’re not. Otherwise, they’d be happy, whether they have a man or not. That’s called playing “the game” right.
And here’s how the rest of the game should be played…
Be cool, yo
You’re going to have to dump the pissy, resentful attitude and start being fun. Laugh hard, tell jokes, and make gold bars out of shit sandwiches.
Do something fun for once and stop focusing all your extra time on finding a man.
You’re going to have to do all that by being positive, having as much fun as you can, and being able to just “roll with it.” If you want to be hung up on something, be hung up on relaxing, taking care of yourself, loosening up, and taking the dating game a lot less seriously.
News flash: men don’t want to hang around women who’re pissed off, negative, woe-is-me, have-a-stick-up-their-ass nasty bitches. Men want good old fashioned uncomplicated, spontaneous fun without ANY DRAMA.
Drama turns them off quicker than bad breath and stained undies. Lose the “I’m the chick in the gutter” crap and be cool.
Be more important than him
Try putting you and your needs first. Know you’re more important than anyone, especially him.
Have a schedule and appointments you won’t break, nights out with friends at the expense of waiting around for him to call, and a life separate from, yet as cool as, your private life. Do what you need to do first before you even think of entertaining his needs or anyone else’s.
When you’re too busy to care too much, they start caring. When you know you’re important, they know it, too.
Be his friend without having sex with him first
A lot of women don’t believe in this. They think, “Gosh, if I don’t have sex with him now he’s going to lose interest.” That couldn’t be further from the truth.
If a guy only wants sex he’ll let you know by rushing, being impatient, and making sex the pinnacle of the whole deal. If he’s actually interested in you he’ll wait forever. Even if it never happens.
And I don’t mean gung-ho, buddy-bro, man-friends. I mean being friends on the basis of mutual respect between a man and a woman.
Quit regulating dates by deciding each successive date should, and will, lead to sex, then commitment, then marriage, then kids, and what have you.
Instead, approach dating as potential friendships and connections in the making. When you meet a guy tell him you want to start out as friends, nothing more, nothing less. No pressure. Tell him you have no expectations but to have fun. That’s it.
All my serious, long term relationships started out as friendships. I can’t imagine a genuine, heartfelt, connected, successful one starting out any other way.
Have A LOT more to offer than your ass
Have a strong intellect, fun hobbies and interests, and some talent. No, twerking, pole dancing, and deep-throating a banana, though impressive, don’t count.
Take an interest in politics, literature, or molecular engineering. Whatever you’re good at and passionate about, pursue it. Eat it, sleep it, breathe it. Be interested in more than relationships, love, and sex.
A lot more.
Men love smart women. When’s the last time you heard a guy brag about how dumb he hopes his future wife will be?
Exactly.
Stand out by being completely different than everyone else. Anyone can lay out their ass, but no one can imitate the real you.
Quit being so generous
Quit calling, quit making a date every time he calls, and quit trying to do everything perfectly. Stop trying so hard and quit playing the game for his benefit.
Don’t cook a fancy dinner, instead make him pasta and Velveeta. Don’t buy him a watch for his birthday, instead be too busy with your own affairs to remember.
Don’t act like he’s GOD, instead treat him as though he’s just like anyone else. Because HE IS just like anyone else. Quit putting these dudes on pedestals because they don’t deserve to be there.
The saying goes, “Put people above you and they have nowhere to look but down.” I don’t care how hot, fine, hung, or good in bed he is. For every one like him there are ten more who can take his place. He wants to EARN that spot on the throne next to you, not the pedestal above you.
Be indifferent and scale back the gushing enthusiasm. Instead, channel that enthusiasm into YOU and HE WILL, TOO.
It’s not them, IT’S YOU
When things don’t go their way people are quick to blame others and take refuge in playing the victim.
“Oh my gawd, MEN SUCK, Men are worthless. Men need to get a clue. Men…”
For every girl cop-out, the common denominator in every bad situation is her! Either the dudes date her, do her and ditch her because she’s got issues from hell, or she’s trying to move things way too fast.
If you’re having no luck at all, over and over again, you need to take a step back and figure out what YOU are doing wrong and change it. Quit blaming dudes when the equation over and over again all adds up to you.
Quit being needy, idolizing men, rushing, being a drag, and blaming everyone else. All those things suck. If all those things suck and you’re doing them, then YOU MUST SUCK, TOO.
Quit taking the dating game so seriously. After all, it’s just a game, isn’t it?
Want men to want you bad? Want you first and let everything else come second.
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