I Hate Myself (Some Days)
A Poem
Some days I can’t stop counting
all the ways I hate myself
because of the imperfection of the world
and how I can’t deal with it
and even though I know things
never go as planned
I still feel like an abject failure
when absolutely nothing goes as planned
and I tighten up my hood and hold tight
to the only thing I know, my misery
I hate myself for all of the wrong decisions I make
even when most of them seem right at the time
and many of those prove to be true
It’s just that the world has a way
of twisting your confidence
into a finger-torture that won’t release you
unless you give in and accept
your own perennial failure
I hate myself for ever raising my voice
when my kids were small and I was frustrated
even though I know other people are bad
and hit and scream and belittle
and my version of raising my voice
is a predetermined octave-raise
that most people would consider light
but nevertheless, I beat myself up
ten years later for…
