Sometimes You Find Yourself In The Middle of Nowhere
And sometimes in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself
I have come to understand that every death we experience, permanently alters the landscape of our lives. In the event of catastrophic loss, or loss that defies the natural order of the universe, not only is the outer landscape of our lives altered but our inner one as well. It is akin to suddenly finding yourself in the middle of nowhere, clueless as to how to re-engage in a world without the physical presence of our loved ones . Following the transition of my 18-year-old daughter Jeannine on March 1, 2003, I found myself in the middle of nowhere. My early experience in the middle of nowhere was characterized by profound darkness and gloom. I was disconnected from myself and the world around me, and unsure if I wanted to re-engage in life. I longed to have the life I knew back, one that was swiftly and unceremoniously taken from me.
I believe that the primary reason many of us find ourselves in the middle of nowhere after a catastrophic loss is that the values and beliefs that once helped us make sense of our world, no longer apply. One of the tasks of grief is to do the arduous cognitive work necessary to determine which beliefs remain, which become altered or expanded, and which no longer serve us. Doing this work is necessary if we…