We Are The Light Keepers
After all, light is what we are all truly made of
In June of this year, I gave a talk and educational presentation to families who were receiving support and practical assistance from the staff and volunteers of the Tom Coughlin Jay Fund Foundation. My contributions were part of a remembrance weekend held in Ponte Vedra, Florida and sponsored by the Jay Fund Foundation. All of these families had experienced the death of their young or adult child due to some form of cancer. It was a unique setting where all of us were united not only because of the death of our children but through the cause of death. My daughter Jeannine was eighteen years old when she died of cancer in March of 2003.
The weekend itself was one filled with comradeship and hope for the present and future. The activities that were a part of our weekend were designed to honor and connect to the memories of our children. It was truly the most inspirational remembrance weekend that I have ever been involved with, and I have been involved in several.
I also received a gift from the Jay Fund staff that not only honored my daughter’s memory but was the catalyst for reflection on what we are truly “made of.”
In The Midst of Darkness, Light Persists
Pictured above is the gift that I received from the Jay Fund staff at the beginning of the remembrance weekend:
A glass globe with an inscription on the front that is a quote from Mahatma Gandhi:
In The Midst of Darkness, Light Persists
In the back is a photo of Jeannine, illuminated by the flameless candle flickering in the foreground.
Gandhi’s quote is a reminder to all of us that both light and darkness coexist in our worlds. We can’t have one without the other. Our existence is defined by not only what we learn from what is illuminated by the light, but what we discover about ourselves during our darkest moments.
I asked that Jeannine’s globe be shipped to me, as I feared that it might be damaged on my flight back to Upstate New York. I received it approximately a week later. Every morning since then, I have faithfully kept Jeannine’s candle lit throughout the day and sometimes throughout the night. When the light from one candle died, it was promptly replaced with another one, and another one after that, and another one after that. I think that you get the picture.
As I mentioned previously, I have been involved in numerous remembrance ceremonies in the sixteen plus years since Jeannine’s death. I took home many candles in her memory, but never felt as strong an urge to keep the light from those candles going for an extended period of time. Perhaps, I didn’t feel the need to because, for several years now, I have known that Jeannine’s eternal light has shined brightly through me and through others who were close to Jeannine when she did her joyful but short dance in the physical world. But until my trip to Florida, I never felt more determined to literally keep her light alive.
I have had plenty of time to reflect on what has driven me to keep Jeannine’s candle going. On a personal level, it is another way to keep Jeannine a part of my life and another way to show my love to and for her. However, my trip to Florida told me that there was much more contributing to my desire to be the keeper of Jeannine’s light. I will describe two moments of serendipity that I believe were directly related to my actions:
The Number Thirty- One
Thirty-one families were present at the Jay Fund remembrance weekend. Jeannine’s month and day of her death were 3/1; not a coincidence. Coincidence has not been a part of my vocabulary for many years now. For whatever reason, I was meant to be working with those families, at the precise moment in time that I was working with them. I strongly believe that Jeannine’s spirit worked in unison with the spirits of those other children to bring us all together as one, to share, to remember and to provide hope and comfort to each other.
“Are You Dave Roberts?”
I had a layover in the Baltimore-Washington International airport and was waiting to board my flight to Jacksonville. A man came up to me and asked: Are you Dave Roberts? I don’t recall ever seeing him before in my life and initially was a little hesitant to answer. Somewhat reluctantly, I acknowledged my identity to him. It turns out that he and I shared the same hairstylist twenty-five years ago. Incredibly, he remembered who I was. Then he also recalled that I liked music and that I had a favorite band. After a very short period of reflection, he said:
It was the Goo Goo Dolls right?
I was literally awestruck when he said that to me. In one of the slides accompanying the signs and connection category of my keynote presentation, were images of two bands, The Gin Blossoms and The Goo Goo Dolls. When Jeannine was thirteen, the first concert that I ever took her to featured those two bands at the New York State Fair. He never met Jeannine nor had any prior knowledge of our first concert experience. An obvious explanation for this occurrence is that Jeannine was making her presence known to me and that she was going to be by my side during the remembrance weekend. But as with the number thirty-one, this serendipitous event revealed more about what I believe to be our greater purpose or mission on earth.
To Be A Light Keeper
So what does it truly mean to be a light keeper? In part, it means being a caretaker for the eternal light that is now the essence of our deceased loved ones. We make sure that their light continues to shine in our world.
The experience that I had traveling to Florida, during the remembrance weekend and beyond has also made this one thing clear to me:
We not only become the keepers of the light of our loved ones, but we become the keepers or caretakers of the light for others who cross our paths. The light that shines within them is also the light of their ancestors who have died before them. When our light connects we transcend obvious difference and become part of humanity. In doing so we become one with all that is the universe. We truly become a part of something that is exponentially greater than ourselves.
“ From where I am, I see the light in me ,as well as you.”
The Afterlife of Billy Fingers…. A true story by Annie Kagan
