We Shut People Out To Protect Ourselves
But isn’t all we really want for them to try to come in?
People build walls: it’s what we do.
When we’re hurt, when we’re jilted or feeling sad, our natural reaction is to retreat within ourselves. We think that by doing this we’ll somehow be protected from future pain or heartache, as if keeping ourselves away from the situation will keep us away from feeling bad.
I learned this at a young age. When adults would hurt me with their neglect or lack of interest, I’d keep my pain to myself. I’d hold on to the cards I made them in school: I’d tell myself not to bother with bringing them flowers or attempting to be noticed.
And yet, as all children do, I thought I could change things. I thought if I was sweet enough, if I was helpful enough, they would give me the attention I was so desperately seeking.
Needless to say, it didn’t happen.
So I learned to protect myself. I learned how to build up walls, how to block out the pain from creeping in. I became aloof, distant. I became someone who everyone thought had it all together because no matter what happened, I acted like I was fine.
Like it didn’t bother me.
