Tomorrow is my solar return!
A birthday is a celebration of the birth; an event we all experienced but each in a different way. Our Solar Return zooms out to a greater picture. The world celebrates the return of the Sun and the completion of cycles that existed during that revolution.
Last year (my 30th), I was trying to become a raft guide. I nearly drowned twice. I still had no idea where I was going to live after having left a bad relationship six months prior. I was trying to rush into a mortgage so I could stay in the city where my friends live. I was still coming down from the high of leaving my ex and getting kicked out of a friend’s house. I had a corporate job working remotely but was on leave because I was in the middle of a complete mental breakdown. This is a post from just a couple of weeks after my birthday last year.
I am fortunate to have had family around for this transition. I had the year to recollect all the pieces of myself I’d left looping in the past and in nightmares. The greatest lesson I’ve learned is that surrender is a shortcut to joy. In order focus that toward acting in my best interest long term, I have to embody integrity each moment. That isn’t so easy to do all the time either. And it doesn’t have to be.
In fact, when we can find joy in the moments of suffering, we’ve mastered a mental art. Sometimes the path is lonely but the loners tend to find good company in one another, if only briefly. That, in itself, can be reassuring to know that somewhere along the path another soul will linger around for a bit longer; searching for the bliss beneath all the layers of pain.
I’m interested to see where this next rotation around the sun takes me. I am setting the intention to release old thought patterns to open space for fresh new ideas. I’ll be feeling into my body more and listening to that feeling in my gut. This year I will be following joy and facing my demons with it.
Originally written in Collective Journaling at The Stoa