(304) Men Who Don’t Address Their Misogyny
There’s a pervasive school of thought out there that says only certain things count as actual, god-unfucked, hate crimes. Micro-aggressions, for example, are not on the same tier as physical violence. Obviously. (And based on legal repercussions, those things are on exactly the same tier because fuckall is so often done about either.) The obvious differences in severity of bigotry and hate crimes often play into how seriously (if at all) the core issue behind any of it is handled. The inconsistencies involved in how oppression is perceived and addressed lead a lot of folks to all kinds of misconceptions about themselves.
There is a sect of men who believe that they are ‘allies’. They wander about the interwebs, crooning liberal politics and kumbaya variations, leave rando comments layered with missing the entire point all over your everything, and are genuinely befuddled when you stereotype them into the white male void of destructive hypocrisy.
It happens so regularly that I no longer know which is ultimately more destructive: the blithe ‘ally’ who seems vaguely hope-tainted sometimes, or the outright misogynist, who I can tell one verb in is an utter waste of time.
Which is to say, I’m back to my ownership and follow-through bare minimums. If someone says something misogynistic and you point out that it bothers you (maybe you are uber generous and explain why right off the bat), and dude has seventeen FU minor variations of NO BUT NOT ALL with a half cadence in the key of I’M SORRY YOUUUUUUU, then that person, outright hatemonger or supposed ‘ally’, isn’t participating in an actual conversation. They aren’t hearing you; there is no space for you. No. It isn’t happening. Maybe it will somewhere else, with different people, and then they or other folks will shout at you about your tone and if you’d just been nice about it or whatever, but in that convo, with that particular hurt, you are not included in the sum total.
So that’s another line I’m learning to draw. The supposed ‘ally’ line, I guess. It sucks, because we need everyone to be listening to hurt folks these days. It’d be nice if people who loudly scream that they hear us…actually heard us.