31 Things I Learned From 31

  1. Cooked vegetables are much less likely to give you a stomach ache than eating them raw.
  2. People will listen to you more seriously when they find out you’re over 30.
  3. The skin care industry is designed to drive you both insane and into poverty.
  4. But also, Botox starts to make sense and you get less judgy about it.
  5. Splurging on hotel rooms is usually always worth it.
  6. Work traumas can haunt you just as deeply as romantic ones, and you will always be surprised when they bubble up again.
  7. Your body isn’t a temple, it’s an underground cave full of secrets and confusing tunnels.
  8. Succulents are hard to take care of, despite everyone’s Instagrams.
  9. It doesn’t matter how much you have, it always feels like everyone else has more.
  10. It’s OK to not love your job.
  11. Having diamonds only makes you want more diamonds.
  12. One gray hair can ruin your day.
  13. Realizing you meet the criteria of a job description that requires 10+ years of experience will make you feel very, very old — but also unreasonably confident and bossy.
  14. Being engaged is very special, but it mostly feels like you’re hanging out in that heightened part of a rom-com where the couple has been fighting a lot and may or may not break up.
  15. The Golden Girls really is very great.
  16. Reading the newspaper is important.
  17. Therapy is the best use of your health insurance.
  18. Probiotics work.
  19. Life is too short to feel embarrassed about trying fashion trends.
  20. Always get the bigger iPhone.
  21. Planning a wedding is everything people say it is in both the best and worst ways.
  22. It’s still baffling how some people get paid an insane amount of money to do, what seems like, nothing.
  23. Candles are not worth it.
  24. La La Land was just a movie.
  25. The girls in The Babysitters Club STILL feel older than me, even though they are completely fictional 13 years olds.
  26. It’s important to try to navigate yourself without using Google Maps sometimes to make sure your brain doesn’t turn to complete mush.
  27. People who you think have it all are still struggling.
  28. Group texts are SO annoying, but also how else are you supposed to maintain adult friendships in 2017?
  29. There’s always going to be someone older than you to make you feel young and relevant.
  30. Sisqo’s “Thong Song” was definitely not something I should have loved as much as I did at 14 years old.
  31. It’s important to have an internist.
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