40 Things You Should (apparently) Do to Be Taken Seriously as a Feminist

1. If you speak, speak with a low voice to sound less bitchy.

2. Don’t get angry.

3. Nod in encouragement.

4. Don’t use words like “rape culture”, “triggering” or “victim shaming” — other (bad) feminists use these words too.

5. Say that you’re not on Tumblr.

6. Always let him finish his points, no matter how insulting and/or stupid they are — otherwise he could think you’re not taking him seriously (extra advice: Raise your hand if you want to add something).

7. Let him interrupt you, it gives him a sense of control.

8. Don’t make everything about “gender” or “social construction”. You don’t want to sound smarter than him.

9. Have a penis and like it– it makes you seem more objective.

10. Say you don’t think anyone should vote for Hillary Clinton “just because she is a woman”.

11. Mention Emma Watson.

12. Always make explicitly clear that you are NOT talking about that specific man you’re currently talking to — he could feel offended.

13. Always make explicitly clear that you are NOT talking about every man — they could feel offended.

14. Don’t get offended.

15. Be aware of the fact that men are not allowed to wear shorts to work, while you — as a woman — can wear a short dress. Check your privilege!

16. Let him explain to you how women use their sexuality to get stuff from him All. The. Time.

17. Be heterosexual or he may think you just need the right (his) penis.

18. Be attractive to him. He is more interested in what you have to say PLUS: He might not tell you that the only reason you’re a feminist is because no one wants to date you (He still might though).

19. Always make it clear that you are “not judging anyone”.

20. Apologize for your opinions.

21. If someone insults or threatens to rape you, stay polite — You don’t want to seem irrational.

22. Always speak in I-Statements or he will think you’re unfairly generalizing.

23. Never use I-Statements or he will think you’re egocentric.

24. It is really sweet when a woman knows what she wants, but some really take it too far.

25. Laugh about his sexist jokes — you don’t want him to think that you have no sense of humour.

26. Don’t be sarcastic. He could misunderstand your sarcasm and start explaining shit to you.

27. Smile.

28. If he asks you about your genitalia, answer.

29. If he asks about your cultural background, answer.

30. Say again that you are not on Tumblr (no matter if you are or what you do there).

31. Why not humour him by agreeing every now and again — that makes him feel like you really care about his opinion.

32. Don’t doubt the validity of the studies he found somewhere on the internet. It would seem like you’re not open to rational arguments.

33. When he interprets your experiences for you, nod. It is cute to let him explain the world to you.

34. Don’t act like you know better — arrogance doesn’t look good on a woman.

35. Let him explain what feminism means to him, no matter the definitions that are written down in dictionaries, where you would normally look up what words mean.

36. Always stress that men have problems too.

37. Point out (again) that men really do have issues (cause they do) and repeatedly say that you are not oblivious to the great challenges men have to face every day.

38. If you don’t point out that men have issues (cause they have), he will probably point it out for you.

39. When you realize you are suddenly talking about men’s issues, instead of the thing you initially cared about, doubt your own debating skills.

40. Ask yourself if this was really worth it and why for fuck’s sake the world is still full of idiots.